(Closed) MIL will only throw rehearsal dinner if it is vegetarian.Am I entitled to be mad

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
1090 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

She who has the gold, makes the rules. If you wanted her to host, then you would have to live with her rules.


Post # 4
2961 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Wynn Las Vegas

I don’t think you have any reason to be mad. She told you she would make the rehearsal dinner happen, it just wasn’t what you wanted. So you are hosting it yourselves. All good and well. 

Post # 5
1866 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I think it’s BS of her. If someone is wanting to host a party for other people, then you accommodate THEIR appetites, not your own. 

I don’t understand why she can’t just have a vegetarian option for those who choose it, and let others eat what they want.

Post # 6
119 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

She probably doesn’t want to spend money supporting the meat industry. I can understand that, but if I was her I would just give you some money towards the wedding as a compromise.

Post # 7
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

If she pays for it, her rules. Just like you’re paying for it so you can play by your rules.

You don’t really have any reason to be upset with her. She’d be paying for it and her money should be spent the way she chooses, not you. If she told you that she needed the dinner to be vegan, you’d look at her and say, “I’m paying for it so if I want meat on a stick, I’ll get it.” The same is true in the reverse.

Post # 8
1150 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

@sara5ann:  I think it’s rediculous when people force their beliefs on others. It’s your wedding! Sounds like you’re better off hosting it yourself anyway! You’re not being selfish, she is. I wouldn’t want any part of my wedding (rehearsal included) to be dictated in such a way either!

Post # 9
1671 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@sara5ann:  I think either is ok. I wouldn’t mind vegetarian if I didn’t have to do a lick of planning or organizing for the rehearsal dinner. 

Since you disagree, I would say that throwing your own rehearsal dinner is proper. Her way or the highway… And you choose the highway. If that makes sense.

I do think that Mother-In-Law is being silly, insisting that her dinner be vegetarian. But whatever. I can see why that would annoy you. It’s nice if the parents participate in these things, if only for you to feel the support. You know? She is putting her beliefs ahead of that, so… Yeah. I can why that would bother you.

Post # 10
47203 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Short answer? No.

If she is a vegetarian, it is uneasonable to expect her to host a meal that includes meat. No one would die from one meatless meal.

Hostesses are not expected to cater to their guests’ appetites when it violates their own belief system.

Your family accomodating her beliefs as a vegetarian is no big deal. I’ll bet they never once served something they were ethically opposed to eating.

Post # 11
2783 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I guess I just don’t understand the problem? What is the big deal about eating vegetarian for one night? It’s not going against your beliefs to not have meat, but it goes against hers to pay for all of you to have it.

Post # 12
11461 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2009

I have to agree with prior posters.  It’s her money, and, if she has a moral objection to the idea of eating meat, she should not have to pay for others to do something that violates her own conscience.

Post # 13
7435 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2013

The hostess makes the rules so no, I don’t think you are “entitled” to be mad about it.

Post # 14
754 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@sara5ann:  I am a vegetarian and I think she is wrong. It’s a gift/event for the couple- not just her. 


Post # 15
4689 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

No, it’s not unreasonable for her to make that rule.

Post # 16
314 posts
Helper bee

No, I don’t think you have a right to be mad. It’s her money, so she doesn’t have to support the meat industry if she doesn’t want to. If you can’t stand the thought of your guests not being able to eat meat for one meal out of the day, then pay for it yourselves. Yes traditionally the groom’s side pays for the rehearsal dinner. But she doesn’t have to. I think it’s very generous of her.

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