(Closed) MIL will only throw rehearsal dinner if it is vegetarian.Am I entitled to be mad

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 17
2254 posts
Buzzing bee

I can understand being frustrated by this, but not mad. You threw your own rehearsal dinner, so the problem was solved. 

Personally, I find it rather inconsiderate in most cases for someone to host a party for another person or group of people and only take into account their own dietary needs. Luckily, those people don’t have to be chosen as hosts. 

Post # 18
1443 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Part of me wants to say no, this is not right, but many people do not consume animals because it conflicts with their belief systems.  Have you thought about going Indian for the rehearsal dinner?  There are many wonderful Indian dishes that do not contain meat that are quite delicious.

Post # 19
7200 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2015

@sara5ann:  First off, veggies and tofu are not all vegitarians eat. Secondly, if she’s paying she has every right to dictate the menu as long as it isn’t going to kill anyone. If you were saying you’re alergic to peanuts and she wants to throw crushed peanuts all over everything, that’s one thing, but ain’t nothing stopping a meat eater from eating vegitarian food. I’m sure your family would be perfectly full after a pasta dish or whatever she wanted to have. 

Post # 20
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Well I agree with the majority here that you don’t have a right to be angry.  She’s the host, she can decide….and beyond that if it goes against her beliefs then it’s even a stronger arugment.

Besides, you imply that a vegatarian meal can’t be a good meal (ie.I just feel bad feeding them veggies and tofu LOL I feel like they traveled far and they should have a good meal!) but vegetarian food can be just as amazing as any other cuisine and it would be a great opportunity to provide your guests with a different experience if most of them aren’t vegetarians.

Post # 21
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Etiquette Snob here… lol

The Host sets all the details for the occasion… including the Menu.  If people don’t like “the details” for an occasion where they have RSVPed YES to, they can make their “required” appearance, appropriate mingling, and then leave.

As others say… the phrase goes “He who PAYS get the SAY”

OR the old time saying “He who pays the Piper calls the tune”

(Sorry) I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear

PS… Altho NOT A MUST DO.  It is true that an even more considerate Host of course would also realize that their choices might not be ideal for everyone so they’d have some other alternatives… this is exactly why Modern Wedding Menues usually have more than one “set menu Main Course” and the choice of a Vegetarian Options for non-meat eaters.  In truth it isn’t a requirement… but it is a NICE THING to do when hosting.


Post # 22
866 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

(Upfront: as we don’t do rehearsal dinners, i Take my Knowledge from SATC – so assuming you’re going to a restaurant and she’s paying for it. Or not. If she’s actually preparing The Dinner i totally Understand if she didn’t cook up any meaty dishes.)


i think a wedding should be about The couple. She should Contribute so she can make u guys happy and Not to get her way, which it Sounds like to Me. while i agree that a vegetarian Dinner can be most lovely, i know some People don’t agree and i wouldn’t want People Making funny Faces or stupid Remarks (Part of my Family certainly would). 

i think u did The right Thing Not letting her blackmail u. I hope she feels silly about this. 

Post # 23
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@sara5ann:  Vegetarians eat good meals.  Your Mother-In-Law could put together an amazing vegetarian meal that no one would even notice was meat-free.

And yes, as the PPs have said, she gets to set the menu if she’s paying for it.  You can’t call her selfish when you ASKED her to pay and she let you know she wasn’t going to pay for exactly what you want.

Post # 24
2203 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

It sounds like she’s saying vegetarian-only as a power grab, not because she truly insists on everyone conforming to her ways.

Its the sentiment behind her motive that would annoy me.


Post # 25
3223 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I think it was rude of you/your fiance to ask her to pay for the Rehearsal Dinner, especially to throw out that it is supposed to be her “duty”. But you did and she accepted. Then what she offered to throw you isn’t good enough? I don’t think you are “entitled” to be mad and I think you’re being a little selfish about the whole thing. There is nothing cheap or wrong about a good vegetarian meal, for vegetarians or meat eaters. Any guest who would complain over the lack of meat is plain rude.

Post # 26
984 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@MsquareM:  Blackmail? Seriously? That’s ridiculous. She agreed to provide a meal for the OP’s guests. After she was asked by them. Which is rude in itself. She can serve whatever she darn well pleases. If they don’t like it, they should pay for it themselves. It is ungrateful and bratty in my opinion to reject her offer but if they can’t handle one meal without meal, that’s their prerogative.

Post # 28
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I don’t think its a big deal. I’m not a vegetarian, but I’ve had some really great meatless meals and I don’t think 1 meatless meal will kill anyone. My stepsister is a vegetarian and its because she is against the cruel, inhumane killing of animals. She wouldn’t want to indirectly contribute to that whether she was paying for herself to eat or paying for others to eat – she’d be contributing to something she is strongly against even if she herself wasn’t eating it, make sense? I think its reasonable that your Mother-In-Law wouldn’t want to pay for something she strongly opposes.

Post # 31
1230 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

@sara5ann:  I think you’re right! Your guests are travelling adnd deserve a good meal!

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