(Closed) MIL will only throw rehearsal dinner if it is vegetarian.Am I entitled to be mad

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 62
Member
1876 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

We tell vegetarian brides that they can host a

vegetarian wedding all the time. This is the same thing. Be gracious and accept the (vegetarian) party. 

Post # 63
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

She’s got the money honey, so she calls the shots. 

Post # 64
Member
95 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

@sara5ann:  You did the right thing. Your move to host it yourself will hopefully humble her.

Post # 65
Member
594 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

What would a vegetarian couple do if the Mother-In-Law only offered steak?   

Post # 66
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

@sara5ann:  Do I think she has a stick up her butt about her beliefs and trying to force them on others? Yes. But, if she’s paying, she has a right to use her money for what she wants, even if what she wants is totally hypocritical for how she expects other to treat her. So would I think my Mother-In-Law was being a bit of a jackass? Absolutely, but I’d try not to worry about it.

I think you’re doing the right thing – your own party with your own money, on your terms.

Post # 67
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I wonder why the comments went this way and not the other. During the debates about whether or not to provide a vegetarian meal for you wedding, it is shunned not to. If we are paying, we have ultimate say right? Most vegetarians are so for preference, so why do you cater to them and not meat eaters? 

Post # 68
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@sara5ann:  For an amount as minimal as $400, I would have paid for my own dinner too. If someone wants to contribute, fine, but I’d never ask. I also wouldn’t take money from someone who would hold it over my head and try to control me. I think you made the right call! 

Post # 69
Member
9681 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@FutureMrsHallam:  I do actually eat meat with every dinner and so does my husband. Someone else’s views shouldn’t be forced onto a couple and all their guests. If you want to contribute, then you should contribute and not try and control people. I have never heard of a formal dinner that doesn’t offer meat to non-vegetarians. Hm, let’s accommodate one person or the couple and all the guests…

Post # 70
Member
2523 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

I would side with your Future Mother-In-Law as well.  If she is paying she gets to pick, and she should pick what she likes.  My fiance’s family is paying for our rehearsal dinner and have total control.  It is one meal, people can deal.  It is NOT your wedding food.  I think it is fine to go another way and pay for the meal yourself, but definitely be polite and show gratitude for her offer.  

Post # 71
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@MrsPanda99:  So you have never eaten a meal without meat? I doubt that, honestly.

I don’t get the “forcing her beliefs” on everyone. What? So, because I don’t ever serve seafood being (very mildly) allergic and the smell makes me sick, Im “forcing” myself and my opinion on them? Doubt it. Its the same with meat, its only one component of a great meal, it can be substituted or removed with equally delicious options.

Also, she never said she wanted to contribute. OP asked her for the money, hence the argument. If she offered my stance would be very different.

Post # 72
Member
129 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 1993

@sara5ann:  Especially since it is her own son’s favorite dish, I think she’s being ridiculous.  However, I do think that if there wasn’t a special meal involved, you could potentially resolve this by having something primarily vegetarian that she could pay for (italian buffet with mozzarella/tomatoes/roasted red peppers, salad, lasagna or manicotti, garlic bread) — and then you could augment it with meatballs, sausage, chicken or something like that.  I understand that wasn’t what you guys were going for, but just offering it as an example of how someone might be able to work it. 

Post # 73
Member
7646 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

@sara5ann:  I’m not vegetarian, and I love my meat, but if someone else was paying, I wouldn’t concern myself with the food and just eat it for one night. Granted, I agree with the ver, very few PP who said it sounds like more of a power thing for her, but you fixed that by taking the power back and paying for your own meal. Usually the person with the money makes the call.

By the way, not every vegetarian is tofu and veggies. I made a great soup the other night that had no meat what-so-ever, and it was actually darn delicious 🙂

Post # 74
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

First of all it isn’t her “DUTY” to pay for your reheasal dinner depsite what you and your Fiance think, secondly if she doesn’t eat meat it’s beyond rude to ask her to buy meat for other people.

It’s not the end of the world if people go without meat for one meal. I think she was being perfectly reasonable, and you were being reasonable by paying for the type of rehearsal dinner you want. There no reason to be pissed off at her. It’s her money, and as a host it’s her right to pick the menu.

Post # 75
Member
2959 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

FH and I are omnivores, yet we have vegetarian friends. We ALWAYS provide suitable fare for our vegetarian friends whether it is a cook-out or a formal dinner. It is simply what a good host does.

Post # 76
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I’m a vegan, and if I’m hosting and paying for something, it will be vegan.  My friends and family all know this about me, they frequently ask me to host, and I’ve never gotten any complaints.    You wouldn’t expect your Jewish Mother-In-Law to serve you pork, would you?  Or expect your Baptist Mother-In-Law to buy you alcohol.  This is kind of the same thing.  

It was above and beyond rude for you to even ask for money.  Then getting mad about a reasonable refusal to pay for something that she finds immoral?

You guys might want to check your attitude.  

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