MIL

posted 1 week ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
9365 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@anon19:  

What do you mean ” my mil wow about her doctor’s appointment ‘ ?

Post # 3
Member
7122 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
@anon19:  This is a strange first post… But, there are plenty of women who don’t get along with their MILs and have happy marriages. Others don’t have happy marriages with crappy MILs because their husbands won’t stick up for them.

I’ve been with my husband for 7.5 years, married for nearly 5. My Mother-In-Law has been so in and out of our lives, she wasn’t even invited to our wedding. She took my pregnancy news so horribly, we didn’t even tell her when our daughter was born… We haven’t spoken to her in about 2.5 years due to that. She’s never met our daughter and I don’t even think she knows we’re expecting again. It’s been much better for our relationship to keep her away from us with as volatile as she is. It’s unfortunate because she’s the only grandparent to our children within a 15 hour drive, but you have to do what’s best for your family.

On the other hand, my Father-In-Law and all of my husband’s siblings are great! Two of his sisters live near us, one on speaking terms with Mother-In-Law and one not, and I’m so lucky to have them in my life.

 

Post # 4
Member
3317 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
@anon19:  About that quote you posted: it is an unrealistic expectation, and really lacks an understanding of the way human relationships develop (or not). The fact that a husband loves his wife does not automatically mean that his family must love her and develop a meaningful and deep relationship with her.

A more realistic – and fair – expectation is to be treated with respect and courtesy.

Post # 5
Member
1767 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
@anon19:  I’m not sure about what has caused issues between you and your Mother-In-Law, OP. But I do agree with PPs that have mentioned how the quoted you posted is unrealistic.

My relationship with my Mother-In-Law is nonexistent. I’ve been married for 3 years, with my husband for 7 total. The last time I saw her was at the wedding. We didn’t tell her when I was pregnant and she hasn’t met our son, who will turn 2 this year.

It’s a sad situation and not something I wish for anybody. Without knowing the situation, I recommend for you to try to get on cordial, respectful terms with her.

Post # 6
Member
1214 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019

I think marrying into any family has it’s ups and downs. My Mother-In-Law has her own struggles that sometimes bleed into our relationship but DH & I always try to be supportive of her and put our relationship first. 

Sometimes you have to meet people where they are and understand that her actions or behavior is a reflection of her not you. 

Post # 7
Member
957 posts
Busy bee

I’m confused.

Post # 8
Member
5 posts
Newbee

You will come to realise that if Mother-In-Law is causing more harm than good in your relationship/marriage, it’s just better to live and let go.

I was naive to think that having a close relationship with my Mother-In-Law would make my then bf happy but fast forward we are now married and nowhere close to having that with his mother. Sometimes these things just don’t develop and that’s ok. She’s a narcissist who thinks all I do is to try and take her married son away from her.

Sometimes it’s just better to not have your Mother-In-Law in your life. 

Post # 9
Member
783 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2005

I have a wonderful relationship with my Mother-In-Law. She is quite literally the best Mother-In-Law a person could have. She and Father-In-Law dont intrude, they visit once or twice a year. They call about once or twice a month, but if you need them for anything they will be there for you. 

Was it always like this? Not in the beginning. It took time for our relationship to grow. We found after having a couple of conversations that we had some of the same life experiences… i.e. narcissistic mothers who didnt really care about us. 

My in laws are wonderful people. Not all Mother-In-Law are bad. 

Post # 11
Member
5785 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2017

View original reply
@anon19:  you are giving very little information so the best advice for you is good luck!

Post # 12
Member
7166 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 1997

If there is a clinical diagnosis, that’s one thing, but the trend of labeling anyone you dislike as narcissistic is getting OTT. There are plenty of selfish as*holes out there who are not mentally ill, and while not all narcissistic people are diagnosed, there are surely far fewer of them than people claim. 

Toxic, IMO, is a better word that doesn’t tread into laypeople diagnosing according to the DSM-5. It encompasses all sorts of people that are bad for you and your well-being, regardless of their specific issues. If your Mother-In-Law and SIL are toxic for you, then you need to find a way to distance yourself and your Dh needs to understand those relationships are not healthy for you. Expecting his family to love you like you are family is asking too much in a LOT of cases, not just ones where the family is toxic, so things will be better all around if you let go of ideas like that. Without anything more specific, no one can offer much else.

Post # 13
Member
566 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
@echomomm:  very good advice

Post # 14
Member
9365 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
@echomomm:  

Yes indeed. And l wasn’t trying to find out anything about mil’s ‘diagnosis’. I just didn’t understand the “wow about” phrasing!

Post # 15
Member
664 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Theother in law is a toss up. My first marriage my mother in law was awesome (but the husband wasn’t). The second the mother in law is a nightmare but my husband is incredible. I’m much happier with the second situation. The only thing with a self centered mother in law who tends to be a bully is does he stand up for you. If my husband didn’t make it explicitly clear that if she treats me poorly she will not have a relationship with him I couldn’t have married him. He doesn’t have a relationship with her and it’s been a peaceful year and a half since he cut her out. My mother does love him like a son and my father does too, it does happen but it is rare and happens over the course of years, not immediately. 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors