- 5 years ago
- Wedding: September 2016
Hi everyone.. I am having some issues with my Future Mother-In-Law and her lack of boundaries on the wedding planning process. I have been told she is ‘used to getting what she wants’ – but I never expected some of the things and reactions that I’ve been experiencing in response to my Fiance and I planning our super small destination wedding.
Backstory: We are getting married out of state, however the state we are going to is her home state. We wanted a small wedding (less than 30 people as that is what the vacation rental/venue max occupancy is) We came up with our list, which was 26 including ourselves, and told Future Mother-In-Law that she could invite the additional FOUR guests. This was all after she sent us a list of about 50 additional people she assumed we would be inviting, despite our repeated statements of ‘we are having a small wedding’. None of my extended family will be there, and the 26 people included his immediate family and grandparents (my GPs are deceased) and is already not equal in guest count, but FAIR (I have 10 guests, he has 16). She threw a fit, crying, yelling etc.. so we were forced to cut a close friend of mine and her Fiance so that she could invite her brother and sister (who live in the state of the DW) and their SOs – which is how we got the the 26 last night.
Well NOW she says its not fair because she can’t invite her other brother, who lives in a completely different state, one that is actually CLOSER to our home state. She wants me to cut TWO more guests now because “family should trump friends”.. This would mean I would only have 8 guests, including my friend whose officiating, two bridesmaids, sister and her husband & child, and my parents.Well if shes flying in her brother, shouldn’t I give my mother the option to invite her sister instead? I guess this is really difficult to deal with. We were almost expecting my parents to be the ones we would have issues with since we were going out of state and they are pretty overbearing and his parents are SO nice, sweet, considerate, polite and easy going – but NO! My parents just told us to do what we want, whatever makes us happy and they are happy to contribute whatever we needed (My parents are paying 1/3, FI’s parents paying 1/3, and we are paying 1/3)
I don’t expect things to be equal, by any means, I dont have grandparents – or a big family, and we are not getting married locally – so I understand the lopsidedness to a certain extent… but I feel like my parents will be hurt to hear that people were invited in from out of state to attend the wedding, but they were not extended the oppotunity to invite their brothers and sisters. And I know that them helping with the costs of the wedding gives them the right to offer input etc… but I feel that we ARE being FAIR, and it’s still not equal. Which is fine. We are hosting a reception here locally – which everyone and their brother is invited too (including any family out of state), and we even offered to postpone leaving for our honeymoon (basically changing plans that have already been booked/paid for) and host a brunch the next day after the wedding to celebrate with her family that is located in the state we are having our Destination Wedding. But even with that – she says shes if she invites 2 of her siblings she should be able to invite the third (even though he lives farther away from our Destination Wedding location than we do)
I guess I just don’t know what more to do, we just wanted a small wedding, and we don’t want things to be equal, we just want them to be fair.
Plus I am seriously concerned with how our relationship with his family will be in the future with kids etc. FI’s sister-in-law is apparently known as the “evil DIL” because she would not allow Mother-In-Law into the delivery room when they had their kids, but the DIL’s mom was allowed. I already told my Fiance that under no circumstances would ANYONE be allowed in the room when we have kids except him (not even MY mom) and hes already expressed concern about this being a bigger issue than the wedding guest lists. UGH I am freaking out and having a slight panic attack. I am starting to understand the strained/distant relationship FI’s brother and SIL have with his parents… and I am terrified.
Advice needed…. or if you are just as clueless as I am… share you Mother-In-Law horror stories, and how you dealt!