(Closed) MIL/FMIL Issues… continued

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 2
Member
882 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

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lovelovelove89:  we have decided to push off TTC, and Mother-In-Law is already nagging about being in the delivery room. Your Future Mother-In-Law sounds like the even crazier version of mine! My MIl can be sweet, but when she doesn’t get her way, she’s horribly rude. DH and I have told her she will not be in the delivery room, so when we do decide to have kids, we probaby won’t even tell anyone about the delivery until it’s over. 

we also eloped (we had thought about it for awhile), but her controlling everything and wanting to choose everything kind of pushed that decision over the edge. She would do things like go buy stuff for the wedding and act like I helped pick it, and then guilt us  into using it. She was a monster when we eloped, but I think she’s over it now. 

shes just very controlling, and she’s “nice” and over the top sweet, until she doesn’t get her way. Over time, I’ve learned that she basically is trying to butter is up to do her bidding. She will also wait until DH isn’t around to twist his words, or lie about something he said, to cause problems or get what she wants. That part pisses me off more than anything else.

im not good at handling my Mother-In-Law (usually my DH takes care of it), but all I can say is, I feel for you bee. Stay strong, and put your foot down. Sorry this post got so long! I just started to vent and realized how nuts she was all over again! 

 

ETA: I do a lot of smiling and nodding, or gently telling her no, and let my DH do the pushing/bigger fights. She wouldn’t dare go after her “baby boy,” but she’s been nasty to me in the past. He’s kind of fed up with it at this point. 

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 9 months ago by  slinktobee.
Post # 3
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

Didn’t you just post this a few days ago? You’re getting married in Washington? My advice is the same – don’t take her money if you don’t want her to have any say in your wedding planning.

Post # 4
Member
1296 posts
Bumble bee

As for the delivery room stuff…I’d cross that bridge when you get to it. If you live out of state, there’s really no way for her to even know when you go into labor unless you tell her.

Post # 6
Member
7804 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I’m usually an advocate for keeping the family peace but I don’t think anything will please this woman–every time you give in to something she’ll just ask for something else. Plan what you and your Fiance want, and be prepared to give back her money and/or for her to skip the wedding. 

Post # 8
Member
55 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

dont tell her when you go into labour and thats your future problem sorted. yuck i cant imagine having anyone including my mom in the delivery room. its a very personal experience and i wouldnt want anyone in there. it sounds like your Fiance wants to please his mom all the time too which sucks, thats when things get tricky. if he doesnt have your back, you are fighting a losing battle.

Post # 9
Member
273 posts
Helper bee

I remember your previous post and my advice is the same, stick to your guns. Have the wedding that you want. If you have to return her money to do that so be it.  I wouldn’t even have offered her the 4 invitations. If you let her steamroll you to get her way you’re reinforcing that that behavior gets her what she wants and setting a precedent for the future. You offered her a compromise and she can either take it or leave it

Post # 10
Member
25 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2050

No no no. you have 10 guests and she gets four and maybe five? Nope. You gave her four invites to do whatever she wants with. She can invite all three siblings with the four invites you gave her control over. 

tell her she has those four and those four only. youve got to start setting boundaries for this woman. 

Post # 11
Member
553 posts
Busy bee

Do not give in any further. She is being a jerk and doesn’t deserve anything from you 

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