(Closed) Military bride to be

posted 6 years ago in Military
Post # 3
7777 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

We didn’t but it is SO common within the military. Two of the couples in my DH’s shop did a JOP, one just had their big wedding at home and the other are planning theirs. We did entertain the idea, but decided to wait.

Welcome to the Hive, btw!

Post # 4
945 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

We aren’t doing it either. I figure we might as well do a wedding since it will be the only chance to do it in our lives. Good luck!

Post # 5
543 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Thought about it, talked about it, and of course prayed about it, and we decided against it. While it would make things easier to be “civilly united” at the JOP and then married in church (as we are both AD Navy, we would both get the housing allowance in addition to our salaries to pay for the wedding, plus they would date our collocation requests from the JOP date). However, we realized that as christians, that withoud God, there is no marriage, and the benefits are for married couples, not “civilly united” ones. Another thing is that we didn’t want to have a vow renewal, we wanted a full on wedding, and we just didnt feel right about lying to our friends and family for 4 months and pretending to be engaged. So we have decided to just be strong in our faith and know that He will provide for the wedding of our dreams when its time for us to wed!

Post # 6
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

We chose not to, we waited until we could have the wedding we had been planning, but it is very, very common.

There’s a lot of controvery on the boards about what to call a vow reneal after a courthouse wedding, if you chose to do it, but no on asserts there’s anything wrong with a JOP wedding in and of itself.

Post # 7
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think its more common than ppl want to admit.  When I worked as a wedding coordinator most couples were “secretly married”  don’t be ashamed of it but do be careful who you tell.  It’s very hard for some to understand.

Post # 8
19 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

We went through a couple of dates the first was supposed to be in Hawaii because we were both supposed to be TDY there but he got called elsewhere. Then Vegas as a way to do both wedding and honeymoon at the same time but I got sent somewhere else.  Then we thought of court house but I told him its been six years we had the chance to do that now I want the full military wedding minus the honor guard (mostly I don’t want to be smacked on the hind in with a saber) and now can’t wait for September the 15th to come so I can finally change my last name but keep I’m initials lol.


Post # 9
4415 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@thursdayschild:  Same here — Darling Husband at one point during our engagement was like “why don’t we just go get courthouse married and start collecting the extra BAH right away?”

I quickly shot that down, as I knew that the guests at our big wedding, as well as the parents that were paying for it, would NOT be impressed and would probably hate us forever for doing that.

I’m one of those people that feels like unless there’s a REALLY good reason — like upcoming deployment — then getting married early (if you’re planning a big wedding later) just to collect the extra dough from the gov’t is a greedy and all-around poopy thing to do.

That said, if you would be doing JUST a courthouse wedding, and maybe a vow renewal some length of time later, that’s completely fine and awesome in my book!

Post # 10
873 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

We did it six weeks before our wedding because it was the only way to get the legal part taken care of – Darling Husband arrived back in town from a TDY the morning of our ceremony (hello, nightmare) and we would have had no other way to get the license.  Plus the wedding was already planned and paid for when we found out he was being sent away.  It was our pastor’s suggestion and he was fine with it on the condition that we not act as husband and wife util the church ceremony.

So, I did not change my name, we did not move in together, I did not get a military ID, did not get enrolled in DEERS, and he did not collect BAH until the actual ceremony.  I even ended up having to keep my own health insurance until open enrollment becasue I only had 30 days from our LEGAL marriage to drop it and pick up Tricare – it was a ton of money “wasted” because I was technically eligible for Tricare, but that’s how strongly we felt about it.

I felt very guilty about it for a long time, then realized if we’d had the church ceremony WITHOUT a license, people would hate us for that too.  You can’t please anyone, really.

I do think it’s wrong to have a Justice of the Peace wedding and a big wedding a year later though.  Especially if you’re living together as husband and wife between the two.

Post # 11
1370 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

@reggeatonqueen:  “mostly I don’t want to be smacked on the hind in with a saber”

That was my favorite part of our ceremony! Our very good friend was the one to hit me and say welcome. It was very sweet.

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