(Closed) Military men

posted 4 years ago in Military
Post # 2
Member
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

It really depends on what his professional focus is in the Army.

Will he be deploying? 

Is he in the intelligence department?

Is he in the medical field?

I’m engaged to someone in intelligence, aka computers, and he’ll never deploy, works normal hours, and treats it as a regular civillian job that he wears his uniform to. The only thing that is different is that when it comes to social gatherings, we quickly have to determine who will be driving home. If it’s him, he won’t have one drink all night/day. They can get in serious trouble with the military if caught operating any kind of vehicle while even the tiniest bit of alcohol is in their system. Also, medically, he can’t just go to the doctor to get a perscription. There are a lot of tests and approvals to pass prior to taking medicine. If found with medications that are prescribed to him, there are serious consequences.

Travelling is also a headache. If he is to travel out of the country, there is a lot of questions and paperwork to go through. Also, if he is travelling within the US but over 200 or so miles (something like that), he has to get approval and brief his coordinator on reasoning, time, return date of his PTO.

As for deployments, my sister is in the Army and is currently deployed. Her ex broke up with her prior to deployment because of her strict schedule and rules. Her current boyfriend is independent enough where he can handle the distance and they have a strong, trusting bond.

If they’re in the medical field (my sister also is a medic), then their schedule will be wild and crazy. So, as long as you’re okay with not spending 24 hours with them, and can respect the rules that they have to follow, it’s not that different.

 

But like I said, it can be different depending on what job they are going for, clearance level, and amount of time they’ve been in the service.

 

Hope this helps!

 

ETA: in regards to marrying them, I mean, it can be great I guess. Aside from the medical benefits (which I will not be taking my FI’s because I would have to go to a specific location to visit with my doc), you can receive discounts on trips,  movies, shopping, etc. So that’s a plus, but I honestly forget about all those unless someone brings it up. 

Post # 3
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

A red flag would be if they want to rush into a marriage, especially for the benefits.  Many young soldiers rush into marriage, hence the high divorce rate.  Dating someone in the military in my opinion is a challenge and rewarding.  Deployments add pressure to the relatoinship and it takes a lot to remain together through the distance and stress it causes.  For the record my first marriage was to a guy in the national guard.

Post # 4
Member
337 posts
Helper bee

Can’t go wrong with dating a military guy. They have been taught manners, respect, courtesy and they love their country. Their job has amazing benefits, wonderful advancement opportunities and they can take care of their families. 

On the downside there would be sacrifices that you would have to make should things get serious. You would have to have a LDR during deployments for example. 

Post # 5
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

Not every person who wears the uniform is a good person*

Military life is an adventure and with all adventures come challenge and reward. 

Feel free to message me if you need support or whatever. Getting married to an infantry Marine next month! 

Post # 6
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

I don’t agree with beatlesluvr.  Just like anywhere in life you will also find good and bad people who are enlisted in the military.  You “can’t go wrong dating a military guy”, well I did go wrong.  I MARRIED a person in the military who pressured me to marry him, who was emotionally abusive and a drug addict.  Just because I had a bad experience doesn’t mean you will.  But I would be aware of any soldier who is looking to rush marriage.  Because it does happen. 

Post # 8
Member
5038 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2017

janesays2121:  Yeah, I do think military guys can tend to be vulgar.  Just think, its guys around guys all the time for work.  I think they forget how to speak and act civilized at times.

Post # 9
Member
5109 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

janesays2121:  Well I can’t really speak to dating someone on active duty, but I married a Marine Corps veteran, so I can speak to what it’s like after they’re out of the military. FWIW, PPs have talked about deployments and such, which is probably harder to deal with, I know that I could never have been in a relationship with my husband when he was active duty, my anxiety would not allow me to survive a deployment. 

As far as veterans go:

Great benefits, discounts, VA healthcare (for them), VA mortgages, etc. Not that you would enter into a relationship with someone for the benefits, but DH’s VA benefits have helped us a lot. On the other side of the coin, combat veterans can deal with a lot of issues when they get out integrating back into society. My husband has PTSD and has had a lot of issues over the years because of it. He’s been arrested, gotten into fights, been hospitalized, been fired several times, etc. (granted, some of this happended before we met, but a lot has happened since that we’ve had to deal with together). I have a lot of secondary anxiety regarding being in situations that I know can trigger his PTSD, I worry that he will be uncomfortable or lash out. We can’t often go to places where there are large crowds, for example, because he becomes hypervigilant and can’t enjoy himself. Day to day is wonderful though, it’s just that we have to be aware of triggers and avoid them. Obviously, not every veteran has PTSD and not all PTSD looks the same though. 

That said, most veterans I know are great people, honorable, generous, and willing to help anybody in need. I work for the VA, so I’ve met a lot of them. I have a great respect for them. Obviously, there are some bad apples in there too, just like with any group of people. 

 

ETA: Since you mentioned vulgarity… I have found that to be true. They’re used to working with all men in stressful situations where tact isn’t important, they tend to be very direct and crude. My husband also has little tolerance for excuses and laziness. 

  • This reply was modified 3 years, 6 months ago by  SithLady.
Post # 10
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Outside of whether or not he’s the same as normal men (mostly he is), the military owns him. He is at their beck and call. My husband is in the Navy and sometimes it is very hard for us to plan to do things because at the last second, he’ll be called in to work/train someone/do something/take over a shift/whatever.

If he deploys, there’s a whole host of problems with that as well.

My bestie is married to a dude in the Army, he’s a recruiter and he has a hard time saying “no” to work, so that may also be a problem for you, if he’s a go-getter or a get-er-done kind of guy.

Post # 12
Member
2005 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

My SO spent 8 years in the Marines. He was counter intel. He tends to still have habits of looking for exits, watching to see if someone is following when a car has made the same turn as us. He’s a very hard worker. 

He some times had nightmares. I’ve been woken up to him grabbing me, or him bolting up right. (he’s not violent, and I keep an eye out for triggers/or if it gets worse) 

 

I didn’t know him when he was in so I can’t be of any help there. 

Post # 13
Member
728 posts
Busy bee

I grew up on a military base & have seen many many people rush into marriage for the benefits and/or him getting stationed somewhere else & the two of them don’t want to be seperated. I would highly recommend not doing this. From my experience, it typically ends in divorce. My dad is also retired military of 20 years and the transition out of military life into the civilian world was extremely difficult for him as it is for a lot of people. Going from having a strict ranking system where you know exactly what your duties are to the less structured world of customer service many of us deal with is a major difference. It takes strong women to marry those men due to lifestyle. You have to be willing to hold down the fort for extended periods of time. Not to be all negative, there are great men in the military but it is a different lifestyle. 

Post # 14
Member
25 posts
Newbee

While I am not married yet, I have been in a very serious relationship with my SO for 3 years and he is in the Air Force. In the beginning, I had to go back and forth on if I was willing to take a chance on a relationship with someone I knew would be gone a lot, and sometimes have a dangerous job.  In the long run, what really tipped the scales for me was the first time my SO had to leave for more than a month and our relationship reached a fork in the road: we could stay in touch and make it work or we could part ways, and I realized I didn’t want to give him up no matter how tough it may be.

I definitely know what you mean when saying that he can be vulgar. My sweetie can get very crude at times as well, especially after spending time away from home, and sometimes I have to gently remind him that he isn’t on an airfield with his buddies.

Life in the military can be stressful and challenging on a relationship but it also has a lot of wonderful attributes such as the stable benefits and opportunities for travel.

I would like to reiterate what some other bees said that more often than not duty will come before all else. I struggled when my SO first deployed and WANTED to go. I had to learn that him wanting to go far away for a long time didn’t mean that he loved me any less, just that he also loves his job, loves his country, and wants to do his part. 

Just remember that there are good guys and bad guys in any branch of service just like there are good guys and bad guys everywhere. If he isn’t trying to rush into a marriage that seems good. If you like him and don’t feel any natural red flags it may be worth trying. When you are faced with the added stresses of a military relationship it can really make things clear to you if someone is worth the extra work. 

If you have any other question feel free to DM me. I am more than happy to share any advice I have. Good luck Bee!

Post # 15
Member
9097 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

I feel that most people in the military tend to have dominant personalities, especially if they are put into leadership positions.

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