Military relationship advice

posted 2 years ago in Military
Post # 2
Member
532 posts
Busy bee

oneseventeen :  I think being ready for engagement and being ready for a wedding are two very different things. Being ready for engagement is making the decision that you would want to marry this person sometime in the future. I don’t see why you need to put off an engagement if he proposes if you actually do want to marry him, even if the wedding is much later on.

Post # 3
Member
13590 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’m not in a military relationship, but my brother and Brother-In-Law are both in the military, so take my opinion with a grain of salt.  I think moving to where he is to finish your degree could be a bad idea, only because there’s a chance he could be transferred again at the drop of a hat.  My brother has spent 6 months getting settled in at a base only to be told he’s being re-assigned across the country.  Even now, he’s often off in training for weeks or months at a time and not home, so his girlfriend (who is from the area where he currently lives) is there by herself.  I’d suggest continuing the LDR (sucks, I know) and finishing your degree, then moving to be with him.  The plus side is, you may be able to find work on the base, and accounting is a very transferrable skill if he gets reassigned (though if you go for the CPA, it’ll suck if you changes states for licensing purposes). 

No matter what you decide, it’s going to be a challenging situation for you to get all your ducks in a row.  My advice is to not sacrifice what you want (your education) for the sake of closeness now – you have a lifetime to be together, and you’ve already started your degree where you are.  Finish the degree, and then figure out where the best place to live will be.  Best of luck!

Post # 4
Member
5538 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

oneseventeen :  I do think you should be ready for marriage when you get engaged, otherwise what’s the point? I think you should stay where you are and continue with school, you can still look forward to being engaged in a year or two but don’t let the military long distance rush you along, and don’t let it get in the way of you finishing school. 

Post # 5
Member
14 posts
Newbee

I’m former military myself and my ex husband was also military. The majority of our relationship was long distance, and at the end of the day we realized that our lives were just moving ahead on different paths so we split. A lot of military wives that I knew had given up their own careers to follow their husbands, and as many of these women were quite educated, and I know there was an element of frustration for many of them.

The good thing about an accounting degree is that it is SO portable and that you likely won’t have an issue finding work anywhere once you get it– and I don’t think it is unreasonable to expect that he can wait for you while you finish school, because as another poster said, if you leave your current program to enroll in one closer to him he could get orders to a new duty station on relatively short notice which would put you in a less-than-ideal situation. Since you are looking at engagement now and not immediate marriage, I think you have much less to worry about– I have seen many a relationship rushed into marriage because the military kind of forced a couple to make a decision, and in my opinion, that’s part of the reason why the divorce rate in the military is so high. Do what feels right for you, and since you know he’s the one, he should be supportive of your career just as you are of his. Best wishes!

Post # 6
Member
106 posts
Blushing bee

Darling Husband is in the military and he wanted to get engaged while we were still long distance. I knew I wanted to marry him and I knew I would be spending the rest of my life with him. I reassured him about all these things, but I told him I did not want to be engaged while doing a long distance relationship. 

 

Everyone is different, but it is just not what I wanted. It was always so difficult to say goodbye after our visits, for some reason I just felt like it would be even harder to go home and say “my FIANCE is living across the country right now..” I know, it’s silly, but that was my mindset!!

 

long story short, we had everything figured out and I had moved back in with him before we got engaged. If you are having doubts about the timing, then I think you should listen to your gut and wait. Reassure him that you want to be together, but you want the timing to be right. ๐Ÿ™‚ Military life is hard, don’t rush into it! 

 

ETA: My first degree was in Bio as well, couldn’t find a job I  liked to save my life. Darling Husband and I had our bit of long distance while I was finishing up my second degree, so I feel ya!! Good luck ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
59 posts
Worker bee

my fiancé is military. The funny thing about military life is just when you think you have everything figured out they throw a wrench your way and everything changes. You need to accept the military lifestyle and understand that there are times you will have little to no control over where he is stationed, deployments, etc. If you are sure you want to marry him, why not get engaged? 

Post # 8
Member
1409 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2017

My Darling Husband was military and we got engaged 2.5 years before we got married. I was finishing school and he was stationed 1200 miles away. He knew we couldn’t get married until after his enlistment was up but he wanted to be engaged anyway because he was ready for the commitment and I was too. We had been dating (kind of on and off) though for 5 years at that point. We knew we loved each other and wanted to get married. I also am an accountant, the good thing about our field is you can find jobs pretty much anywhere so if you move to be with him it shouldn’t be too hard to find one. How long is his enlistment? Is he planning on retiring? Are you ready to be a military wife?

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