(Closed) Military SO's: I hate when people ask…

posted 5 years ago in Military
Post # 3
567 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

“What are you going to do if (fill in the blank with something you don’t want to think about)?”

And Future Mother-In-Law once asked me if I missed him.  When he was gone for a weekend.  I’m sorry – yes, I missed him!  But 2 days is NOTHING compared to what we’ve done before.


Post # 4
3571 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Ok, so I’m not a military bee, but I’m at the tail end of a 4-month stint alone in the US while Darling Husband is in Afghanistan so I’m going to comiserate:


From Family:


-When is MrLemondrop coming home? “It’s still the same day that I told you the last 437 times you asked.” 


-“Are you excited for MrLemondrop to come home?” “Nope, I love living alone and being solely responsible for every single logistical issue in our life.”




From Strangers (I hate playing the Afghanistan card and try really hard to not say it unless the situation directly requires it.:


-Oh my, that must be so scary. “Eh, actually he’s about as safe as it gets there but yes, it has its moments.”


-You must worry about him so much. “Well, I was not worried at that moment, thanks for bringing it up though!”


-Wow, he must make great money. “Wow, that’s none of your business!”


-You are so strong, I could never do that. “Because I’m super human?”

And my personal favorite (not about SO, but about me): You don’t know it, but you were in a lot of danger over there.  “No [email protected]@$$, I work in conflict research where I literally professionally analyse security dynamics for NATO. I know exactly what kind of danger I was in. Thanks for mansplaining to me from a barstool in Michigan though, tool.”




Post # 5
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@LittleButtons:  Ahahahah!  Yes!  I get that quite a bit.  But what has shocked me even MORE are the people who are surprised that I’m planning to move after the wedding…. to where he’s stationed… Um, DUH. 

We’re separated now because he became a Drill Sergeant so he’s at FLW in MO and I’m in WA.  I was planning to move there anyways after I finished the year at my job but with wedding planning it’d be too expensive and cut into the budget to fly back and forth for the vendor meetings, fittings, showers, etc. so we’ve postponed my move.

My IT manager looked at me like I was crazy and said “Why? Living apart is just what military couples do.”  Um, sorry, I’m not planning to spend the first year and a half of my marriage living in different states.  And then, he can request to come back to JBLM all he wants, but if they send him somewhere else, what then?  Weird….

If he’s not deployed, we’ll be living together.  No matter where that is.  Sheesh…

Post # 6
983 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@donna_saur:  +1  I went to lunch with an old friend to catch up.  And she actually looked at me in horror when I told her Fiance was in the Army.  It went something like this:

<shocked/disgusted look on her face>

HER: Why would you ever want to date or even marry a military man?!!  He could deploy and DIE!  Then what would you do?

ME: Um, correct.  That COULD happen.  I certainly didn’t go out in search of a military man that I could “catch” but you love who you love.  His job can’t affect that…

HER: I just don’t get it.  You’ll have to move away from your family.  You won’t see them for years….

ME: Right.  That is an issue – we’re all a little sad.  But I won’t put my life on hold because it’s not what my parents envisioned for themselves…

Weirdest lunch hour of my LIFE.


Post # 7
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

We have a move coming up next year and everyone always asks me where do you want to go?? It’s not up to us. Where are they sending you?? We have no idea. When will you know?? Not til a few months before. What job will he do??? The same one hes been doing. These questions wouldn’t shock me from strangers, but I have 5 aunts who ask me this every single time I see them, as if I’ve never had this conversation with them. Lol

Post # 9
1805 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@LittleButtons:  People really do over generalize! Some people in the military never have to deploy! We have a friend who works in ‘communications’ he’s never deployed, never in danger, it’s basically a normal job for him. My Darling Husband is a pilot, it’s pretty safe, but I’ve heard of a few crashes over the last couple years…when you think about it though, I could get in my car today and get killed in an accident, if we lived like that we’d never date, marry or leave the house for that matter lol

Post # 10
282 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

People ALWAYS make comments to me about navy men and their reputations. Drives me nuts. It’s like they think this is some insider information that no one else could possibly know. Thanks for the heads up! But no one knows how greasy men can be like I do thanks to the stories my SO tells me. Haha.

Post # 13
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

“I could never do that. God bless him!” Umm thanks I guess

“How do you do it? I could never marry someone and be away from them half the time.” Ok GOOD you don’t have to.

“So does he enjoy being out there on a submarine?” Yes, he loves spending months underwater with all men. Really?!

“Oh I know he has great benefits and you get them too.” Actually I also work for the US govt so I don’t need ANY of his benefits. I make over 3x as much as him and have excellent health care.


Post # 15
2638 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2006

Wow. Not to be rude here but I’ve said some of these things to a few of my friends who are military (Navy) wives and I had no idea it could even be interpreted as being offensive.

I think when most people ask questions it’s because they don’t understand the everyday routine of it and we wonder, literally, how it works day in, day out. Like, how do you spend your time? How often do you get to hear from your partner? And when I say “Wow, that’s amazing, I don’t know if I could do it” it’s because I admire their strength and am thankful for them and their sacrifices.

Like, come on, ladies, we mean no disrespect. Give us a break if we don’t always know what to say. What do you WANT to hear? Nothing? Would you rather we ignore the fact that your partners are gone for extended periods of time, exposing themselves in some cases to grave danger?

Post # 16
1844 posts
Buzzing bee

I retired 18 months ago after 26 years of service. Keep in mind that less than 1% of the population serves in the military so 99+% of the population has NO clue what the reality of military life really is. People aren’t trying to be cold, uncaring, or stupid, it is just a way of life that is totally foreign.

I am sure equally “clueless comments would come out of my mouth if I were sitting with nuclear physicists. Not my world, don’t have a clue.

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