(Closed) Millennials' negative attitude toward marriage

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2017 - Nepal

Sounds like trendy hipster BS to me! It’s so cool to not want marriage and degrade those who do. Ugh. 

Post # 3
Member
1582 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Your retorts are awesome, but I’d just also let them know that “50% of marriages end in divorce” is not even an accurate stat. It varies greatly across demographics, and the divorce rate has been declining for years. Live and let live; if someone else doesn’t want to get married, cool good for them. But there’s no reason to make disparaging remarks to those who are. This is like apples and oranges; there is no “right” side to be on. They’re both delicious just not for everyone.

Post # 4
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Yeah, I’ve noticed that too. I don’t know what it is, if it’s the crazy socialist/social justice warrior/ feminist culture currently rampant on university campuses and all that,but there seems to be a trend of millenials shitting all over anything traditional. But to be honest, it seems to mostly come from a place of jealousy on their part, coupled with immaturity.

Post # 5
Member
7571 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I think it might just be a combination of the crowd you travel in and your age. I am 31 and have extremely liberal friends, but at this point probably half of my friends are married or engaged, an I never hear any comments like the ones you’re talking about. But when I was 22/23? I can remember people spouting off similar things. It’s probably coming from a point of insecurity. Hopefully it’s only a few people saying this…if it’s truly the majority of people you’ve invited to your wedding then please rethink who your friends are, because even if this IS their belief they should be able to rise above and support you! christ

Post # 6
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019

I have the same side eye about kids. From peers who don’t want them.  Which is funny since the most successful of our group are married with children, working as doctors, lawyers, and fund managers.  They somehow look at us like those are our biggest failures in life–having a family and getting engaged/married.  Forget the fact that we are active board members for non profits or that our careers are solid and progressive.  The moment you say “kids” or “marriage”, you become this brainwashing, institution that everyone despises. 

Post # 7
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

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Vitana :  socialist? lol can you explain how socialism is related to this? 

 

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scaryraptordream :  People who say those things may actually really think that marriage is ‘useless’. I have friends like that too. A friend actually told me WHILE DRIVING TO MY BACHELORETTE how she has so many friends that were dating for long but then got divorced after a year, and all the things marriage does to make your relationship worse…… 

Some are also just jealous and because they can’t have it, they tell themselves (and others) how shitty marriage/getting married is.

 

People who say those things are also pretty ignorant. Just because x% of marriage end in divorce, doesn’t mean ALL do, or just because some women are gold diggers, doesn’t mean ALL are… etc etc. 

“normal” people who really don’t believe in the concept of marriage, simple live and say ‘to each their own’ and don’t need to trash talk getting married.

Post # 8
Member
206 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

It’s like that here in the UK too. For whatever reason, it’s more socially accepted to be pregnant young than be married young. 

Get engaged at 22: “You know that’s for life, right? Why would you only want to be with one person? There’s no point settling down at your age.”

Get pregnant at 19: Congratulations! That’s amazing!!” 

… As if having a baby isn’t a lifelong commitment. 🙄

Post # 9
Member
1008 posts
Bumble bee

It’s sad to me that people feel like they can and should say these things to you at this point. Like, really, what do they think is going to happen? You’re going to suddenly be like, “OMG YOU’RE RIGHT!!” and change your whole life?

People live their lives, some get married, some don’t, some have kids, some don’t, and so on and so on. 

I wouldn’t lay it all at the feet of millenials, though – a lot of millenials are getting married (albeit later in life) and having kids, and so on. I think there’s a more “say whatever I want” attitude now in general, and it’s not always cool. As long as you’re doing what’s right for you, that’s all that matters. 

Also, them quoting old statistics isn’t a solid way of criticizing someone’s choices!

Post # 10
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee

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scaryraptordream :  LOL vagina comment!

Sorry to say I’m not in your age group, so I havent heard such things, but I’m just as glad. Let them do what they want, and let them feel holier than thou. No sense in wasting energy on people who just want to pretend they are some type of trailblazers. 

Post # 11
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Honestly I’ve heard those from people of all ages. I just worked with a guy who had been divorced twice and spent our entire contract telling me mariage was a mistake.

That being said, I also know married people who shit on single people “you don’t know what it’s like to commit” “well it’s easy for you to do that because you’re not married” “don’t worry you’ll find someone some day” So maybe it’s just both sides on the defensive because they are anticipating being judged by the other?

Post # 13
Member
1012 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2015

I think the anti-marriage attitude may be more of an age thing; I haven’t seen or heard many people saying that stuff.

However, I’ve found that lots of people are obnoxiously anti-wedding: “How could you spend so much money on one day?”. One of my bridesmaids in particular loved to list all the things she’d rather do with the money (while of course also telling me that unlimited wine and beer would be insufficient and that we needed champagne too—I don’t even drink, and we were using a mocktail that I actually like for the toasting).

Post # 14
Member
1660 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I’m 25 and haven’t had a single negative comment about getting married. I am college educated with a great career and so is Fiance, so no one thinks it’s too soon or like we can’t handle it etc. We also live in a major city. One of my best friends is single and she’s expressed how envious she is of me to have someone and to get married on numerous occasions… Hmmm. Your ‘friends’ sound like dicks. I guess the difference is that most of our circle is married already. FI’s best friend is already married with 4 kids at 26. She’s a Stay-At-Home Mom, they’re home owners and are doing better than most. Just different mindsets. Luckily we’re around like-minded people. 

Post # 15
Member
1038 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
BookishBee :  However, I’ve found that lots of people are obnoxiously anti-wedding: “How could you spend so much money on one day?”

This is more what I see as well. Once I heard it AT a wedding while the person clutching their chests and rolling their eyes at the over-the-top decor are also taking full advantage of the bar and passed hor d’oeuvres…

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