- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2017
Do any other millennial bees have repetative problems with peers acting holier-than-thou regarding their views against marriage? How do you handle wedding guests with this mindset? Like, half the people I’ve discussed it with under 30 not only scoff at the ages of my fiance and I (22 and 23, but we’ve been engaged for over 2 years) but feel the need to shit on marriage as a whole and act like we’re less intelligent than them for wanting to take part in it. I get that marriage isn’t for everyone, but why are so many people who don’t want to do it themselves so pretentious about it, and quick to criticize those who do? The reasons I’ve heard supporting their reasoning are pretty ridiculous, too.
1. Marriage is an oppressive product of the patriarchy.
I get that historically speaking, this is true, but… this is 21st century USA. Not Saudi Arabia or the 1940’s. I’m choosing to wed who I want to, when I want to, in a completely equal relationship. Not marrying some gross guy my dad picked out against my will because he gave our family a really impressive pig, jfc.
2. Marriage is just a way for women to take half your money.
This is so idiotic that I don’t think I should have to point out why.
3. If you really love someone, why do you need a piece of paper legally trapping them with you?
This is one of the single most obnoxious things you can say to an engaged couple. First of all, you can apply that logic backwards so easily. If you really love someone and want to spend your entire life with them, why would you be actively opposed to a legal commitment? (not saying I feel this way toward people who don’t want to get married, just pointing out that you can easily turn that logic around) Also, again this is 21st century USA, there’s this thing called a divorce, there’s no such thing as actually being “trapped” in a marriage here. Those who are “trapped” only are because of finances or the “stay together for the kids” mindset. Not to mention, calling it “just a piece of paper” shows a lot of ignorance to the benefits being married actually give you. If you’re unaware of things like the medical privileges and tax breaks that come with being married, clearly you don’t know enough about it to have such a self-righteous opinion against it.
4. Needing a whole day to be about you is pretty narcisistic.
Oh god, just get over yourself and learn what that word actually means. I always ask people who say this “so, you never do anything for your birthday?” and they always insist that’s different, but never give me an actual reason. It’s people giving you presents and celebrating you for coming out of someone’s vagina. You did literally nothing.
5. I don’t need a man to validate my existence.
… that’s nice, neither do I nor many other women who get married.
6. You know that half of marriages end in divorce, right?
Cool, half of them also don’t.
Plus, it’s just so self-absorbed. You have to be pretty impressively full of yourself for your first responce upon finding out someone is engaged to be to weigh in with how you think marriage is stupid and how there’s a 50% chance we’ll get divorced. Like, my fiance and I are pretty against having our own kids, but if a friend tells us they’re pregnant, it doesn’t even cross our minds to say something like “your entire financial future is going to crumble and you have a 1 in 5 chance of miscarrying in your first trimester” or any of our other reasons why we personally don’t want them. We congratulate them and ask them if they thought of names and shit like that. There’s no need to discuss why I wouldn’t want to have a child, because it’s completely irrelevant. Their pregnancy is their pregnancy and doesn’t impact our lives, all that would be doing is turning something positive for them into a negative thing and making it all about us. I don’t understand why people don’t get that’s exactly what they’re doing when they turn someone informing them of their engagement into a tirade about why they’d never get married. You’re taking our good news, and making it a bad thing that’s now all about you.
It’s really upsetting because a lot of the people who have said this kind of stuff to us are guests. I’m honestly tempted to take them off the list (we haven’t formally sent out invites yet, but almost everyone who is coming knows they are), because what’s the point of having people at a wedding who think weddings are stupid? Unfortunately, most of them aren’t my guests, so it isn’t really up to me and since none of them have disrespected our marriage specifically, I don’t feel like it’s a bad enough offense to ask Fiance to rethink them coming. I kind of do want to have a talk with them that I’m really done hearing anti-marriage bullshit and they need to keep it to themselves.