(Closed) Millennials' negative attitude toward marriage

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
1657 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

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ethereal594 :  Your comment! 100%. Here in New Zealand getting pregnant young is much less of a big deal than getting married young. But each to their own 🙂

I’d rather not have a bastard child but some would rather not have a husband. 

Make your bed and lie in it I say.

Post # 17
422 posts
Helper bee

I’m nearing 36 years old, have been with my partner 16 & half years & we have two children together, ages 12 and 3. We have a great relationship and are NOT married with no plans in the near future to do so. This is what works for US and isn’t everyone’s cup of tea. I have and would never push the views and values in my relationship onto someone else. When friends and family get married, I am so super excited for them and do everything I can to support them. I’m not anti marriage as a whole. I’m more of the “do what works for you and I’ll do what works for me”

But I can tell you, this works both ways. Ive had so many people inquire into our relationship and the reasons behind why we arent married after being togther so long. I’ve had others push the “it’s better for the kids” agenda. We live together and are committed partners and parents. A wedding certainly wouldn’t change any of that. 

I think in general people need to keep their opinions on other people’s lives to themselves. I have a sister (who incidentally has been with her guy over 10 years and isnt married) who is very steadfast in the fact that she doesn’t want children. She is great with children and would make an excellent mother, but it’s not something she has ever wanted. You wouldnt believe the judgement and comments she had received from other people. 

Opinions are like, you know whats. Everyone has one. I would just kindly tell them to f off. 

Post # 18
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019 - .

The only people I know who openly have negative feelings toward marriage are people whose parents had an unhealthy marriage, and in those cases I can see why one would be jaded.

I usually don’t try to say anything back, but I did really enjoy reading your comebacks!

Post # 19
7881 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I wonder if they are subtly expressing their concern about you getting married since you’re so young. Or maybe they are just not ready for marriage themselves yet. Like PP, I don’t think I got any negative comments about marriage, but I was 29/30 when I married. If their opinions bother you so much, just prove them wrong by having a happy, healthy marriage. 

Post # 20
246 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Young people are opinionated. Many don’t have much money, and see no good reason to spend $900 on a dress when they could use it to pay rent. And our parents are the ones who created that divorce rate. They watched it happen and dealt with the aftermath from powerless positions. Millennials are also more likely to have anxiety, and may have trouble with the idea that someone  could trust another person so wholly. 

It’s not disdain, it’s concern, even if it’s misguided and unnecessary. If you’re going to expect understanding from them, maybe you should have some understanding FOR them. 

But also tell them to just shut their porky mouths and stay home if they think weddings are so stupid. They shouldn’t be giving those opinions unless asked, and you shouldn’t have to put up with disrespectful guests.

Post # 21
9251 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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scaryraptordream :  

RosaBride : yeah, I think jealousy plays a huge role. I’ve noticed that the most bitter people I’ve talked to are the kinds of people that can’t keep a relationship for more than 3 months. 

And now you sound like a smugly (smug married couple). So yeah can’t really complain about others making assumptions and judging relationships when you say crap like their jealous or they can’t keep a relationship (wtf so you think they should stay in a relationship that isn’t right for them rather than ending it after a couple of months ok then).

Post # 22
2453 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

FYI: Millenials refers to anyone born between the early 1980s and the late 1990s/early 2000s.

So when you’re looking at such a wide range (teens to mid 30s) you’re going to see a lot of variety.

Post # 23
2733 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: County courthouse

I’m an older mellinial and I belive in marriage. I’ve been married for 8 and a half years. You have to remember that most young 20 year olds are not ready for marriage. At 21 I was ready. But the majority is not.

Post # 24
1147 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Sure there’s many more reasons why marriage is more pointless now than in the past, we are in a slightly more progressive society but in a terrible ecomony. Women are independent (Yay), but also people are more focused on their careers. Weddings are expensive and can be inconvenient to many. Our generation was raised by baby boomers who had the highest rate of divorce (50%), our generation is at 20% because we’re not being pressured into marriage as much.

So I understand the sentiment, I grew up hating marriage until I met my fiance. My parents hated each other and got divorced. But marriage will be awesome, because my fiance is awesome. And it’s going to work for us.

And although other people have their issues with marriage, and I understand those issues because I was like them until I found the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, I will completely ignore them and be happy with my husband. You should do the same, ignore them, get married, and be happy.

Post # 25
297 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Aite squad, I’ll bite. I’m a millennial and proud of it. 

I probably wouldn’t preach those points but I agree and will say you are too young to get married. There, said it, in my true millennial way.

At 21, I was graduating college after Great Recession, losing family house, with a ton of debt and high interest despite scholarships and no job prospects. And being young. Marriage would not have been smart or even an option. 

Your “retorts” sound so silly which shows your youth. Millennial me would shrug and hashtag smh. 

Post # 26
302 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: LA Athletic Club

I can understood family not being overly thrilled because the majority of 21 year olds do not have a solid career and/or just finishing up college (unless you’re a trust fund baby or going into the family business that is successful.) When I was in my early 20’s I was finishing undergrad and going to graduate school. Yes, I worked but not enough to afford a wedding or a house. I knew I wanted to marry my fiancé, but we wanted to wait until we were financially stable. If a person is financial stable and can afford a wedding then it’s no ones business. 

Post # 27
55 posts
Worker bee

I agree with most of these reasons. I’d add that some of the negative comments are probably coming either from people who have grown up seeing lots of divorce situations, or from older folks who have been through really bad relationships themselves. 

Regarding divorce statistics and the varying risk factors (including breaking things down beyond that declning ~50%) – you may interested in the findings here. http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/10/the-divorce-proof-marriage/381401/

Post # 28
2671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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tillymac :  adults are free to make their own choices and to disagree with other people’s choices. That said, your word choice “bastard child” is unkind because you are labeling a child with a slur, based on choices of their parents. Maybe it isn’t such a loaded word in New Zealand? 

Post # 29
2671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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Vitana :  actually, one of the biggest “social justice” causes of the past decade (in the US) was the fight for marriage equality. So, you’re way off base to assume that people who care about social justice are anti-marriage.

Post # 30
642 posts
Busy bee

A theory for perhaps some who feel that way – People just don’t go to many weddings these days, at least not in their early 20s. (Even more so with the rise of child-free weddings.  When I was a kid we were invited to family weddings all the time, you’d go home and play at being the bride with a pillowcase on your head and talk about “when I get married”.)

So weddings are shrouded in mystery for most people that age.  All they imagine is the big ritualistic event and not the joy and happiness and connection that you feel as a guest, relative or couple. 

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