(Closed) Millennials' negative attitude toward marriage

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 76
Member
2968 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

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daffodils :  That’s definitely true, but the ages have gone up for everything now (more so in the last 30/40 years)- buying homes, leaving school, getting married, having children, retiring… all of the traditional milestones have been pushed back and most of it is a response to the economy and the world in which we are now living in. I am well aware it also affects those that are a little bit older as you would be closer in age to me than my grandparents/inlaws or parents and faced a different economy than they did as soon as you joined the workforce- but I was addressing the topic which was about millennials being negative towards marriage from my own perspective which is why I answered they way i did. 

Post # 77
Member
646 posts
Busy bee

As I say, I’m just interested to see whether the points used to explain why millennials delay/avoid marriage are as relevant for Gen X – IE whether stats show that there was also a decline in marriage for them. If so, if be more inclined to agree with you (I’m too lazy to google it right now!)

Post # 78
Member
2393 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: NJ

I am 60, a Baby Boomer, and in my 20’s and 30’s people of my generation said the same things. There were always people who didn’t want to get married, who thought it was a trap. They didn’t have some great lives, or anything any better than those who did get married but they thought they were so much better.

I know it, the smirkiness, the superiority. It is not new. But it is still annoying!

Post # 79
Member
2146 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2016

Honestly, getting married and having kids is the social norm. Your colleagues, your parents and grandparents expect you to meet someone, get married and have babies. So I think sometimes for people in a situation where they don’t want marriage and/or kids they spend so long telling everyone why they don’t want those things. Does it mean they have to shit on your parade? No but they’ve probably had their decisions ridiculed far worse than yours is being from them, they’ve probably had to defend their choices a lot more than you have. You’re annoyed with them, imagine how annoyed they are when they get those comments constantly. So in the event that someone makes these comments to you, realise they have a different world view and that their choices are no less valid than yours and voicing thier opinions is probably as a defensive.

However, if these people genuinely care about you and what is best for you then they will not voice these opinions. My friend is a strong atheist and a liberal. She watched her parents marriage deteriorate and is against marriage. She is also child free. She turned up for our church ceremony to watch us get married. If we have kids and have them christened, she will turn up and have a smile on her face. I respect her choices and I’m not going to point out the ways in which I think marriage is a good thing. If you genuinely care about someone then you can still be their friends despite a difference of opinion. So if these people can’t move past it, they aren’t your friends. 

Post # 80
Member
1222 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m an older millenial (30) but I really don’t know why people shit on Millenials so much, especially the ones in their early twenties – omg they wear stupid clothes, have stupid hair, have stupid tattoos, they are lazy and entitled!

Seriously..Each generation above you thought very very similar things about your generation.

“The children now love luxury. They have bad manners, contempt for authority; they show disrespect for elders and love chatter in place of exercise.”

-Socrates, (469-399 BC)

 

each generation is going to be a bit different so I think just some perspective is needed.

Post # 81
Member
8983 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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scaryraptordream :  How weird. In my area, getting married and having a bunch of kids within a few years is the trendy hipster thing to do. Bonus points if one parent can stay home. It’s like the 21st century version of the 50s except worse clothes and the roles aren’t defined by sex.

Post # 82
Member
1360 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

I’m sorry you’re getting so much crap from so-called friends who should be excited for you! I understand that 22/23 is a little bit on the younger side but it’s your life, not theirs. 

As to general attitudes towards prolonging marriage, I think people of our generation (I’m 26 and not engaged) are just scared. There are almost too many options for nowadays – so many ways to meet people, so many potentially different career options, so many places we haven’t traveled yet, so many educational opportunities, so many new and upcoming places to live…that it all becomes overwhelming and we end up not committing to anything – whether it’s a place, a spouse, a job, or possessions (house/car, etc.) .

Also, pair that with rising cost of college and student loan depts, more people going to grad school, more people taking time off or switching careers or unsure of what they want to do, and the general mindset of “30 is the new 20”, that people generally see being married as finally being “settled”. Some are not financially or emotionally ready to do that, so they prolong it.

But again, that’s them, not you. As long as you have thought this through, there isn’t any reason why anyone outside of your immediate family should need to weigh in on this, other than jealousy or being scared.

Post # 83
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

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scaryraptordream :  First of all, your responses are totally on point! Secondly, I totally agree with what you’re saying – there is no need to use someone sharing what is generally considered happy news, as a reason to go into your own personal views that differ. I love the analogy you gave regarding pregnancy and childbearing. As a soon-to-be mother of two I really appreciate it!

I had my first child at 22 and we got married when I was 24. I’ll tell you now marrying “young” will probably turn out for you the way having children “young” did for me and few of my high school friends, you’ll lose a lot of “friends”. It really amazed me how uncool a person is considered for being married or having kids. We aren’t dead or boring and still pursue our dreams, goals and have fun. 

I do have a lot of friends that also had children or got married in their early 20s, but a majority of the people I know are 30+ and practically anti kids and marriage. (Probably has to do with the fact that I’m from LA the land of being “cool”.) 

I think it’s considered to be cool and progressive to be against kids and marriage now a days and I think it’s stupid. There are a ton people who are not millennials and hold these views and didn’t need to shout it from the roof tops to feel justified in their opinions.

Personally I probably wouldn’t invite anyone who felt the need to be super vocal about how anti-marriage they are. They probably won’t enjoy it and you don’t need them making rude comments on your important day. If someone gets offended that they’re not invited then be upfront and tell them that you figured they weren’t interested in being included based on their views/comments.

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