(Closed) MIL’s birthday coming up- debating what to do

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: Do you sign your (F)MIL's birthday cards?
    Yes I sign the birthday card and we get along : (19 votes)
    73 %
    Yes I sign the birthday card and we don't get along : (4 votes)
    15 %
    No I don't sign the birthday card and we get along : (2 votes)
    8 %
    No I don't sign the birthday card and we don't get along : (1 votes)
    4 %
  • Post # 3
    454 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: December 2012

    My tactic is to kill ’em with kindness, and not expect anything in return.  I would just buy a 99 cent card, sign it, mail it, and not mention it.  Sometimes people change, sometimes they don’t.

    My Future Father-In-Law and I don’t get along because he’s very conservative and traditional, and tends to alienate people from him by being unreasonably condescending.  However, I will still send things as etiquette.  I just don’t put myself in his environment anymore.  It has helped.

    Bets of luck 🙂

    Post # 4
    4546 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I happen to get along with my Mother-In-Law and my Father-In-Law, so usually I’m the one buying and writing the cards. However, I don’t get along with my SIL but I still sign the cards because I feel like it’s important to keep the peace and not seem rude. In return, she does the same.

    Post # 5
    404 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    I say sign it- it’s not that hard to do, and it’s nice to keep the peace.

    Post # 7
    457 posts
    Helper bee

    I’m in the SAME debate as you with my SIL and Mother-In-Law. I don’t get along with either of them, and we are actually estranged from them since our wedding in August. My Darling Husband and I agreed having them in our life is toxic and not healthy for our marriage due to their issues.. Even when things were on good terms they didn’t send me a card or acknowlege my birthday. My SIL Bday is on Friday, this will be the first year my Darling Husband and even me for that matter don’t go visit and give a gift. We feel that sending a card gives the message that they are welcome in our life with their behaviors, but then again, we don’t want to seem petty as his Mother-In-Law only gave a card to  my Darling Husband at our wedding and his sister didn’t give a card at all.

    Post # 9
    7431 posts
    Busy Beekeeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    We don’t get a card for my real Mother-In-Law (hubs is not a card person) and he calls her for her bday, I don’t.  She is a major alcoholic and I really don’t like her or the way she treats her family.  My FIL’s Gf however, I get her a card that we both sign and I either call her or text her the day of, and since hers and FIL’s are right around father’s day, we have a joint father’s day bday party for them.  I also get her a Mother’s day card, whereas my Mother-In-Law I don’t.  As far as I am considered, the gf is my Mother-In-Law, not his mother. We have all but cut ties with her, so it shoudl be interesting how the holidays go this year.

    Post # 10
    5670 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would sign it so it shows that you are united and a couple. There is no reason to add any kind words to the card of pick any card other than one that simply states “Have a wonderful bday”. I sign the cards but make sure I don’t find one that says shes the best mother, etc.

    Post # 11
    966 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    My mom spent 20 years with a Monster-in-law.  She was civil the whole time.  My mom was the one who had my dad call and visit his mom the whole time I was growing up.  Now, she just has a bizarre mother-in-law – Grandma decided about eight years ago that my mom is actually good for my Dad.  Their 30th anniversary is in January.

    You are stuck with the woman, but so is your husband.  Make the effort.

    Post # 12
    5271 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: October 2009

    100% agree with artichokesalad, “kill em with kindness” my Mother-In-Law was not so nice and very cold to me, but I made a point to never give her a reason. I was always polite, respectful, and would always do little extra nice things that I would do for anyone who is family.

    Regardless if it makes her lighten up, I felt better being nice & my husband appreciated it so much.

    Plus, in my experince: after 6 years of being very respectful and considerate, things are getting better!

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