Post # 1
Okay bees! Going to try to make this as short as possible! My boyfriend and I have been together 8 years! We love each other very much and are each others best friend! I am honestly getting tired of waiting for the ring he bought over 6 months ago! He obviously wanted to marry me at one point seeing as he bought a ring! A couple of weeks ago we were at the golf course and some guys were picking on him about having commitment issues! We talked after leaving the golf course and he admitted he had some and we discussed them and he claimed he felted better about them. Well since then my mind has “gone a wondering”.Things like,” I’ve never been with anyone besides him”, “I havent really enjoyed my college years”, and realizing there is a lot about him that annoys me, and I am not sexually attracted to him anymore. Also, he is a little less considerate then he use to be (keep in mind he would do anything in this world for me) and since our talk has been going out with friends to bars while I am at work and can not go (something we normally dont do) But I love him more then anything and the thought of not being with him breaks my heart! I don’t know what to do!! Am I the one with commitment problems now? Opinions please bees!!
Let me know if I did not give enough info as I was trying to keep it short and not write book! 🙂
Post # 3
@aubreykarissa: I had problems like this for awhile and I broke up with him. I didn’t mind waiting, but waiting and getting treated like crap. NO, wasn’t happening.
Later, he changed his mind and worked his ass off to get me back. I flew into the airport he picked me up and proposed to me at the airport (while singing “teenage dream” in front of the whole terminal). Yep that happened.
Anyway, my point is that sometimes breaking up seems difficult but the distance helps each person realize how much they love & miss the other. Now we are happy and have never been more in love. So I would consider it. But be aware that you may not get back together and be okay with that.
Post # 4
@aubreykarissa: I think, weather we admit it or not, we all have those moments. It’s not reeasonable to expect a partner to make you 100 precent happy 100 precent of the time, or even that you will LIKE your partner 100 precent of the time.
Biologically the “love” feeling, lasts ~2 years. That’s how long our bodies make the chemical reactions happen. After that it becomes work on your and his part. You have to decide if its worth it, or not.
Have you talked to him about going to the bars with out you and how that makes you feel?
I also reccomend that love languages book. It’s kinda boring but it does help you communicate and discover how best to relate to each other.
Post # 5
@imalittlebirdie: Yes! I have talked to him! He says it’s nothing against me, it’s just that my new schedule (I took a night shift and every other weekend job at hospital I work at instead of the day and every weekend job I had) doesn’t always go with the weekends that something is actually going on! (We live in a VERY small town and stuff only goes on every once in awhile, like the bar is open if they have a band to play music, if not, they are closed). He told me the other day I was his best friend and what is most important to him is my happiness and he would rather it be with me but if he’s not what makes me happy, he still still wants me to be happy. I see the “hve to work on it after certain time thing”. We are very comfortable with each other…. I just cant really explain how I feel. The excitement is no longer there, which is hard for me I guess…. do I even make any sense? LOL
Post # 6
@aubreykarissa: It seems like you guys are just best friends now … Especially when you say you’re not sexually attracted to him. I know the idea of ending the relationship feels like you’re losing the person, but it doesn’t have to be like that. After an initial cooling off period, you guys can still be in each others’ lives in a significant way.
Post # 7
@jordyanna: Just the thought of it is heart breaking. This has actually ran across my mind before though. 🙁
Post # 8
@aubreykarissa: prehaps a vacation? Take a weekend and get way for a few days. Re learn about each other. It’s amazing what a change of scenery can do.
Post # 9
To be honest, it just sounds like you’re in a rut. And that’s fine. It’s normal.
Waiting isn’t always a walk in the park – I’ve been there. It can cause all sorts of weird emotions to crawl to the surface. Add that to the fact that you guys are moments away from a big life change, you just started a new job with a less-than-ideal schedule (and him socializing while you’re at work isn’t a bad thing, btw)… I mean, there’s a lot to be stressed about and stress can totally cause your sex drive to plummet, for you to hyper-analyze details, and perhaps be annoyed by your partner’s every move. And this is all piling on top of the fact that you’re been together for 8 wonderful years and after that much time romantic feelings sometimes need a little prodding and the feelings of sexual attraction can really wilt if they’re not tended to properly. This is all normal. And I totally agree with the PP, I think most of us have had those moments of “is he the one,” “have I enjoyed my youth,” etc, and this isn’t always indicative of something wrong with the relationship. It could simply mean your ass is stuck in a rut.
I know it’s easier said than done but I think this is a perfect time for you guys to figure out how to bust your rut. Plan some dates for each other. Flirt. Maybe have a sex date. Get out of the house for some alone time by yourself so you can refuel your own tank and clear your head. A future marriage doesn’t mean you can no longer enjoy the years of your youth. It simply means you’ll be married one day. And being stuck in a rut doesn’t mean the relationship is over. It just means you guys need a push-start to get the ball rolling again.
Post # 10
@aubreykarissa: If this is the only person you have ever been with (8 years and mentioning college years, so I’m assuming you’re young. I’d say 25 or under), then your feelings may be grounded in something substantial: you do not know what else is out there. I think alot of “sweetheart” couples go through this, and it typically goes one of two ways: one person breaks it off to sow their wild oats, or they stay together and get married.
You would be justified choosing either option, and there are pros and cons to both. What if you stay with him, get married, and this feeling persists? Or what if you break things off with him only to decide he IS the one and he has a change of heart?
No matter what you decide, there are going to be risks. I would encourage you NOT to stuff these feelings down inside because he has a ring and you feel a sense of obligation. I would most certainly reflect on all of this for some time.
Post # 11
It’s always more comfortable to stay with what and who we know. It would be a big risk to leave him, but you might end up living with regrets if you don’t. Of course it’s a personal decision, but I agree that your feelings about this are justified. I was in the same boat, and I would have really regretted marrying my ex-FI without having any life experiences besides him.