Post # 1
I am regretting almost everything about this wedding. I wish we had done more with the invitations, I wish we had scaled down the guest list. I wish we had booked a different venue. I wish we had just ELOPED. I just can’t wait for this to be done with and I don’t know if this is totally normal at the 2 month mark?
I even hate my dress now. It’s nothing I would have ever picked for myself and initially I wanted a black dress, but went with white to please everyone else…..but it seems like that’s what has happend with EVERY DAMN THING in this wedding. I feel like I have had NO say in anything…..why on earth I let this happen when I’m paying for 1/2 of it I’ll never know….
I feel sick to my stomach….I feel like everything I did had NOTHING to do with me and everything to do with what everyone else wanted, and now I am stuck feeling like I’m going to someone else’s wedding, except I’m the bride. I can’t believe how utterly disgusted with myself I am…..I’m having like, a small identity crisis (melodramatic much?)
It’s seriously like being a self sabotaging 19 year old again, I have that bad feeling in my stomach that I used to get rid of by getting a new piercing or tattoo…..but I’m too old to feel like this, right? I mean, is this completely insane, or is it totally normal to have a meltdown at this point?
Post # 3
Awe I am sorry that you had a meltdown!
I can’t tell you if it’s normal or not as I am still a year off!
But I can say Hindsight is a B***** and there is no point worrying over what is done (the invitations) from this point I think that you should try and change some things to make this wedding your own – it seems as though you have been a people pleaser with your wedding it is now time to add your own personal touches!
Good Luck *HUGS*
Post # 4
I don’t know from personal experience regarding the wedding as we are still far off, but when it gets close to game time for important decisions I’ve made I often panick and wonder if I made the right choice. I think its absolutely normal. Just take a moment and try to calm down. You can’t go back and change your invites and chances are your guests did not think there was anything missing from them (Plus many people don’t hold onto them long term anyway). You can’t change the venue, but are there things that you can bring in to make it more you? If you can’t change the dress situation, why don’t you wear your white dress to the ceremony, but wear a black dress to the reception?
You have two months time to add in your personal touches. You can do this.
Post # 5
Ahhh I see you’re close to my date! I’m the 24th!!!!!!!!!! It is completely normal to have melt downs right now. Yes. Just let it all out!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Completely normal … and it may happen again. Just take deep breaths and come on wedding bee.
Post # 6
I have toyed with the idea of changing dresses during the reception, but I feel bad about it; spent more than I wanted to on my dress (that I now hate) and so I’m hesitant to buy another one. I wish I could just dye the damn thing.
I think I’m also getting frustrated because every idea I have to add some ‘me’ flair to it…..everyone shoots down. I mean, I get that everyone is not like me. I’m a gothy, eccentric person. But I feel like I should still be able to inject SOME of that into my wedding….and instead I’m being told over and over and over, ‘you’ll scare the guests’ and ‘that’s really too weird’. Some of the stuff I’m doing anyways, but it’s starting to feel like my family is like, embarassed for their friends to see how I ‘really’ am, if that makes sense.
Post # 7
I think you are totally normal! I got to a point where I didn’t like anything I had picked out, thought everything was kind of lame, and definitely felt like I should have eloped.
But, then I had my second dress fitting and thought…oohhh, I remember why I liked this so much. And I got compliments on all our invitations and web site. And people started getting me excited about the wedding by telling me how much they were looking forward to it. And I looked over things with all the vendors, and I felt much better about the decisions we had made.
I agree with MsHyman, you will probably have more melt-downs as you get closer, but try to remind your things there were reasons that you did things/picked what you did, even if you can’t remember them during the meltdown. I won’t tell you to try to relax because it’s pointless now, but just hold on for 2 more months!
Post # 8
About your dress: I hear you not wanting to make another purchase. Could you maybe buy a black lace shawl to drape over your shoulders, and wear a black dalia in your hair? Or get some black tulle to add into the skirts, or even a lacey black over-lay that a seamstress could attach? I don’t know the style of your dress, but I am SURE there is a way to alter it so its more YOU while still making your family happy with the traditonal white.
You have two whole months, you should start getting some stuff together that will make you feel more like its YOUR wedding. You need to put your foot down with these people who you think are embarassed by you or whatever it may be. If you’re not happy at your own wedding, no one will have a good time!! And THAT would be embarassing!
I hope you can insert some of you into your wedding, those are the weddings I find most fun to attend! I want to see what interests the bride and groom have, even if its not my own interests, I love anything that is not cookie cutter!
Be strong, march into… wherever you gotta march, and say you are having a bit of you at your wedding! We’re with you!
Post # 9
i think a meltdown at this point is not surprising. you probably feel like there’s a lot going on that you still have to do, etc.
take the weekend off.. yes… completely. do NOT do anything wedding related at all. hang out w/ your friends, Fiance, etc. talk about other things than the wedding. be a human again – the person you were before that ring went on your finger. it’ll make you feel a lot better when you re-engage.
then, when you re-engage, you can check and see if there’s anything you can add to make it more “you” – in subtle ways – or whatever’s most important to you.
PS: this sounds strange but i’ve had more than 1 person (friends) remind me that weddings at the end of the day really are not about the bride or groom but about their families.
Post # 10
Noelle, I’m sorry that you feel that your family can’t support who you are and may even be embarrassed by you. That is such an uncomfortable feeling. Can you wear a hairpiece, like a fascinator, that would express the gothy, eccentric side of you? Choose some shoes? Carry a strange bouquet or some other object? I’d suggest not mentioning these to anybody before the day of the wedding. After all, it is your wedding and your wedding photos. I’d hate to have you looking at them regretting the day. Have you checked out rocknrollbride.com? There may be some ideas there, as well as on indiebride.com. Good luck!
Post # 11
I do think it’s normal to have freak-outs like this at 2 months out — at least I certainly hope so, since I’ve been having them for the past month myself! Personally mine have been less regrets about my plans, more just general frustration with my parents that keeps cropping up because I’m just SO TIRED of planning. I feel like I’ve reached a point where I can’t stand talking about the wedding anymore and I just want the whole thing to be over so I can get out of here and go on my honeymoon!
I’ve found it helpful to step back every once in awhile and try to remember the point of this whole thing, and the fact that none of this will matter once I’m married. It may be frustrating now to feel like I’m making concessions to please my parents, or just to generally feel overwhelmed by planning, but in 30 years all we’ll remember looking back at the wedding day, hopefully, is how much fun we all had, and all those details won’t make one bit of difference in our marriage when all’s said and done.
That said, you certainly shouldn’t have to feel like your wedding doesn’t fit your personality at all. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of compromises, so hopefully your family will be able to make some compromises on their end as well and understand why you want to inject a little more of YOU into the plans. I think the other posters suggestions about accessorizing are great — some killer shoes and a fun fascinator could be a great way to show your unique personality without giving your family a heart attack over a full-on black dress 😉
Good luck, and don’t worry, you are DEFINITELY not alone!
Post # 12
yes; I suppose my only option at this point is to do things….and not tell anyone and just let them be a little shocked by it at the wedding. I just feel like the most important things, the big opportunities where I could have really showed my personality, are done with.
At least I know second guessing and stressing out at this point seems to be normal. I thought maybe I was seriously losing it.
Cheerful-I’ve been checking out indiebride and offbeatbride and I’m so envous of these girls….
Post # 13
- Wedding: May 2010 - Carlouel Yacht Club
Breathe in…breathe out! Everything will be just fine. I always have to have a meltdown before anything big happens in my life…its the only way I can figure out how to regroup and get myself together…you will be ok!!!
Post # 14
Take a lttle wedding planning break. Regroup and then go back into it with a new attitude! Either that you’re really okay with things they way they are or that you are going to make changes to make it the way you want. 2 months is a long time!!! Plenty of time to change things! Don’t melt down and don’t think it’s too late! I’ve made a ton of changes in the past 2 weeks!! And my wedding is next week!
You’ll love it in the end!
Post # 15
Thanks for the helpful advice and support, everyone.
I finally actually had to spell it out for my mom; I told her that every time I have an idea that might showcase some of our personality, she shoots it down immediately and it makes me feel really bad. And she thought about it, and conceded that she’s been really bossy and was taking over the whole thing, and that it’s OUR wedding, not hers, so she’ll back off. WHEW. I feel like a huge weight has lifted and I’m so glad I finally got the guts to just come out with it.
Post # 16
Trust me, I had a meltdown the month of the wedding and broke down at work two weeks before the wedding. There was a lot to deal with in our situatin since the maid of honor lived 2 hours away and we had relatives coming in from out of town. Don’t worry about it. It’s normal. You will be fine. Just relax and have a margarita.