Post # 1
Member
36 posts
Newbee
I am still new here and have done more lurking than posting but something has been bothering me lately and I wanted to speak up. This is definitely not directed at anybody in particular so I hope nobody takes offense.
Some of the topics and subsequent advice has struck a nerve with me. I think it’s really great that everyone has a place to go and vent their frustrations because wedding planning can be incredibly stressful. It’s really great that this community exists for that reason and everyone should still give advice and be supportive.
That being said when a girl has a problem and comes here for support I think everyone needs to be careful not to project her own past or current experiences onto the situation or jump to the worst conclusion. Obviously most of us are not trained counselors and even the best trained professional could not completely understand the entirety of a situation from a few message board posts.
I have been amazed that some of the responses to vents about problems with a parent, future-in-law, sibling, bridesmaid, SO, etc tells the OP to be confrontational, kick them out, lay down the law, break up, leave, or other extreme solution such as calling off a wedding. It really breaks my heart when I see suggestions to end relationships with friends, family members, and significant others over things that will probably seem really insignificant someday. We need to remember that even if our wedding will be “our day” the time planning our weddings isn’t necessarily “ours” too.
There are obviously exceptions to this since there are extreme situations that warrant the end to a relationship but I think in general everyone should just try to be as supportive as possible without jumping to an extreme solution immediately.
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
I understand what you are saying and I do agree with you. I don’t think that automatically advice should go to breaking up or kicking people to the curb either. For most serious relationship problems, I think that people should consider going to counseling but if things don’t change then maybe they should leave. I’m not saying that people should just leave their SO on a whim though.
Post # 4
Member
7173 posts
Busy Beekeeper
…but, at the same time, those are honest opinions and advice from that particular poster.
I think one of the great things about WB is the honest/raw advice – combined with support. It allows the OP to take ALL of the advice and use it collectively in whatever situation they are facing (not just one poster). Just because someone feels a particular way, does not mean it will influence the OP one way or the other.
Post # 5
Member
3564 posts
Sugar bee
I think that just as posters are often very emotional and are venting when they post, and so their posts may need to be taken with a grain of salt, so should the responses of the readers. I would hope that no one would end a relationship with a family member or significant other after reading the advice of people who don’t know them IRL and don’t know the nuances of the situation. I think the advice that is often given on here is, as oracle said, honest opinions and also supportive opinions, meant to make the original poster feel better. As in, “Oh my god, I can’t believe that person did that, you should go yell at them/have it out with them”–really more sympathizing with the OP. Or at least that’s how I read a lot of the responses. Not to say that there isn’t good advice on here–you definitely get to hear from a lot of people with a lot of different perspectives.
Post # 6
Member
36 posts
Newbee
I agree that it’s good to have different perspectives but I know that I have seen threads on here where the OP has hung on every word of those giving her advice and has based her decision on that advice. Is that anyone’s fault? No because everyone should be responsible for her own life. But I do think that everyone should be mindful that there are people who are easily influenced by other people’s opinions even if the opinions are those of strangers.
That really was my only point. It wasn’t to discourage anyone from giving their opinion. It was just to be cognizant of when the OP is taking the advice of strangers too seriously rather than making up her own mind after considering the hive’s input and opinion.
Post # 7
Member
461 posts
Helper bee
I agree!!!
It goes from “my fi is so stubborn” to “well take him to counseling” or “this is mental abuse and you should leave him” so quickly online!!! It’s hard to go off of just a couple of paragraphs of what the original poster wrote though… I also agree that people need to take weddingbee with a grain of salt and not base their life decisions on what people have written…
Post # 8
Member
2470 posts
Buzzing bee
I think all posters need to remember that no one knows another’s relationship like the people in the relationship.
That being said, I enjoy hearing about others’ experiences though I’d never take their word for my life.
Post # 9
Member
1565 posts
Bumble bee
You know, I actually feel the opposite. A lot of times, people who are in an abusive relationship don’t admit that there’s a serious problem, and will never consider leaving or standing up for themselves. They’ll tell themselves it’s normal and they’re overreacting.
When they post here, they get the truth, and for someone in an abusive relationship, it may provide the push they needed to get help, whether it be by doing counseling, temporarily or permanently, leaving the relationship, or something similar.
I think it’s very unlikely that two people that have a temporary problem and a healthy relationship otherwise are going to break up or cancel their wedding due to weddingbee posts. But it is possible that a poster who has kept making excuses or ignoring an ongoing problem might finally wake up to the reality after 40 unbiased people from all over the world tell her something is wrong.
So I am all for the harsh statements when they are warranted. Honestly, while people do post this, I’ve only seen, it mentioned in truly bad situations, like “My fiance continues to refuse to plan a wedding with me and insists on doing only what he wants.” Or “My fiance only ever speaks to me to chastise me and put me down.” People need to hear when behaviors are NOT OK and worth breaking up over, in my opinion.
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