(Closed) Minister is a college friend so what do I do about a gift/money?

posted 10 years ago in Gifts and Registries
Post # 3
Member
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - Bride's family summer home in the Adirondacks

I think that if she is first and foremost your friend (not a vendor who you already were familiar with and liked) then cash would be weird.  A gift certificate or a gift would be perfect I think.  If you knew her as an officiant but always really got along well and hung out sometimes, then maybe cash would be okay, but if you were really straight up "friends" I think it would be awkward.

Post # 4
Member
350 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2009

Many ministers who know the couple they’re marrying decline the usual "officiant fee."  One of my wedding planning books suggests giving a donation to the officiant’s church instead.  But if she’s a college friend, and not just someone you know in an officiant capacity, I think a gift certificate would be lovely!

Post # 5
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

We paid our officiant his normal fee in cash, and also sent him and his wife a couple of nice gift cards to local restaurants along with a thank you note.  We did this primarily because we thought their normal fee ($150) was pretty small considering the amount of time that he spent with us over several months prior to the ceremony.

Even if your officiant or vendors are friends, I think it’s always nice to offer to pay their normal fee.  They can certainly turn it down, and offer their services as a present if they like.  You call your officiant friend a minister, so perhaps this is part of her normal business – if it is, I would definately offer to pay her normal fee.  After all, even if she would come to your wedding as a guest, it’s more work for her to prepare and perform the ceremony – and a significant portion of that work is up front, and will take away from her regular duties or leisure time.  Offering to pay her is just recognizing her as a professional, which is the respectful thing to do.

Post # 6
Member
296 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2008

Our officiant was a good friend of my husband (I still love saying that!). If he had not been our officiant, he would have been a groomsman. Therefore, we just treated him as a groomsman when it came to gifts. If she’s a very good friend, you may just want to add her to your bridesmaid gift list and get her the same sort of thing you are getting them. Other than that, I’d say that a gift certificate to a restaurant is a great idea too.

Post # 7
Member
10 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2007

We paid our officiant $100 — our officiant happened to also be very good friends with my husband. For awhile we’d debated check vs. gift card/certificate, but decided to pay him with a check for $100. While he is a very good friend, he still performed a service for us and we wanted to honor that and his profession.

Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee

You could donate to the officiant’s church, but you might want to send the check to the church directly to the officiant (otherwise, the officiant might never know you gave).  

Post # 9
Member
68 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Hi,

My mom is a minister and people often "overlook" her and don’t pay her for her services.  At the end of the day it’s her job and she is spending time to work on a service that is special.  She spends weeks prepping the services, and more for people she has a personal relationship with.  I think minister’s should be paid.  If the minister decides to give the money to the church than that would be her/his perogative.  I think it’s very kind of you to pay for her lodging and invite her parents.  A check or a gift on top of this would be certainly appreciated!

 

Post # 10
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I’d say $100 gift card (to a place you KNOW they will enjoy) is great.

Post # 11
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

oops duplicate post.

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