(Closed) miscarriage and the aftermath

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
1810 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Is there someone you can talk to? For example, could you go to your doctor for a referral to a grief counselor or support group?

Also, regarding nursing school, is there any way you can make an appointment with an academic counselor and explain the situation? I know its something that you probably don’t even want to think about doing at this point, but they may be able to help you sort out your options (speaking with your professors? Postponing until next semester/ year?) Then hopefully that can take one thing off your plate at least for the time being.

Again, I’m so sorry and you are in my thoughts.

Post # 5
15 posts

 mrsbiscuit I know what you’re going though. I didn’t miscarry, my daughter had anencephaly and had to be taken from me in my third trimester. I wanted to die, I was depressed, and I wanted to physically hurt myself to counter the mental pain I was feeling. And no one could every understand the pain you feel. You don’t want to here ‘God knows what’s best’ or ‘everything happens for a reason’. Those word actually hurt me more. What I did was cried, kicked, cussed, yelled, and threw things while I talked it out with God. It may sound crazy or like BS, but I felt better the next day. The good thing about the conversation with God is he listens without uttering a word, but he always delivers you. The pain will subside. I do hope this helps you in some way.


Post # 6
14495 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I know what you are going though, I was there.  There is no cure for your sadness, you are mourning the loss of a child you had grown to love a child that you only truely knew.  Time will help.  Like PH said, it may help to talk to a spiritual leader, or directly to your deity (sorry I don’t know your religion).  You may find a support group as no one will ever truely understand unless they have gone though it.  If you want to talk more, just PM me.

Post # 7
1145 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2000

I’m so sad with you for all you have been through. 

We found out we were pregnant for 2 days but  then the pregnancy ended. We had already told a number of people and window shopped all day at every nearby baby store in our excitement.

For us, it was very difficult to talk to family because they were heartbroken too and were so concerned about saying the right thing–I called my mom and dad and that was so tough– and emailed the rest we had already told.   Be sure to cry about it with a friend or aunty or someone who has gone through this. We got through the main grief soon after–first by fighting with each other (not recommended but got our own conflicts out on the table), then with prayer in solitude, an eventual resolve to trust in God and then planned for pregnancy again a few months later. We were overjoyed when we did conceive again.  There are occasional pangs of sadness (9 months later), but we know the circumstances and timing are beyond are control.  I also wrote the whole story out of what I went through– just for my eyes, and to read aloud to hubby, which helped also. I think it may have hurt him to be reminded but I was concerned he didn’t process it enough with others and wanted him to be able to talk about it. (He talked about it way less.)   Each day I’m pregnant now, I’m so grateful and not taking any moment for granted. Though there is some anxiety, I won’t let the past steal the joy of celebrating the reality of today and hopeful possibility of tomorrow. The process has definitely made us eager, caring parents and a closer couple.

When I eventually was strong enough to talk to people about it briefly, like when a related topic came up,  their eyes would fill with tears and just a little more healing would take place–with the shared suffering of the human condition– and there is progress. Please don’t bottle it inside. Find someone or someplace to turn to. March of Dimes website has some grief info you can send away for and it comes in a few weeks also. http://www.marchofdimes.com/pnhec/572.asp

Big hugs (♥)

Post # 8
792 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I am so so sorry. I’ve been there too. I’ve had three miscarriages, two very early ones and then another one at 11 weeks. There is nothing that anyone can say or do to make it any better, but I found that time is the only thing that seems to help. Try to surround yourself with loving, supportive people and don’t be afraid to lean on them. If you need or want to talk please feel free to pm me. ((hugs))

Post # 9
720 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

I haven’t been through this but just wanted to send hugs.  Hang in there. 

I volunteered at a local non-profit with support groups for grief.  I think they were a great help to the people who attended. 

Post # 11
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I am sorry for your loss.  Hugs and prayers!

Post # 12
1046 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

I just want to say that I’m really sorry for your loss. I’m a medical student and in the last few weeks I’ve watched a few women go through miscarriages. I know it’s incredibly hard.

I think you might seriously need to think about what you can do right now to give yourself time and space to grieve. Would it be possible to put school on hold for a while–maybe start next quarter? If you can’t concentrate or are missing classes, you won’t be getting much out of it anyway. Would some grief counseling be possible right now? I think you need other supportive people to hear you talk about your loss and your anxiety from it. It sounds like you are having trouble in your day to day life (for example, school, seeing other babies) and it’s going to continue to be really hard for you if you can’t take the time to fully deal with this.

Best of luck to you, and I’m sorry you had to go through this.

Post # 13
1332 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

My mom had several miscarriages before I was born, and I still remember the pain in her voice when she talked about it.  I’m very sorry this happened to you and your husband, and my thoughts and prayers are with you both.  *hugs*

Post # 14
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

I’m so sorry. Best of luck to you and I hope that everything works out.

Post # 15
5496 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2010

I am so sorry for your loss. I just miscarried less than two months ago and I just recently started to feel much better. The pain was so raw and I felt like I was in a black hole at times. I definately agree with the others who said to find a support group. Somebody that has been through this can definately help!

Hang in there. I promise it will get better. PM me if you want to talk. I completely understand what you are going through!!  ((Hugs))



Post # 16
208 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I am so sorry for you loss.  This must be such a heartbreaking time for you and I hope that those around you can be understanding.  A college peer of mine recently started a website (with a friend) after the loss of her child at 19 weeks.  http://www.facesofloss.blogspot.com.  It has stories from hundreds of other women who have experienced baby loss and miscarriage.  There is also a lot of good information in finding resources to help you in your own emotional healing. 

Good luck and lots of love

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