(Closed) Miscarriage in January – Possible unexpected pregnancy – Terrified

posted 3 years ago in TTC
Post # 2
271 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I’m so sorry that you’re going through such a hard time. I have not personally ever been pregnant, but this exact situation happened to my sister – she had a heartbreaking miscarriage and then about 5 months later found herself pregnant again. she was terrified, and it similarly brought a lot of horrible emotions to the surface that she hadn’t quite worked through yet. but now she has a BEAUTIFUL three month old baby, and is the happiest i’ve ever seen her 🙂 

take care of yourself – there is no right or wrong way to feel in this situation. talk to family and friends – i know it can feel isolating, but you’re not alone, and this is actually NOT an uncommon situation (it’s just one that a lot of people don’t talk about). i’m wishing you all the best!!

Post # 3
4147 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I’ve had 2 MC’s and now have 2 healthy babies – almost 3 and almost 1. My TTC journey went MC, Dear Daughter, MC, DS. It is TERRIFYING to find out you are pregnant again after a MC. I was so afraid something would happen again. I was terrified that a MC meant I’d have trouble having a child (it doesn’t – 25% or more of pregnancies end in MC). I worried all the way through each pregnancy. When I talked to people about it afterwards, and teased myself about being nuts and worrying all the time even when I could feel the baby constnatly moving, someone said to me “you worry because now you are aware of what you can lose” and that really hit home. When you lose a pregnancy for whatever reason, you face that fear of loss. You had a future with a baby in your mind – even if you were only pregnant for a shor time. I thought about what the baby would look like, what his/her personality would be, what they would like, etc. Then to lose that pregnancy means mourning all those ideas. Then when I got pregnant again, I had to face the fear of losing all that again. And it’s TERRIFYING. But the scaryness was worth it to have my kids. And there are lots of things you can do to help ease fears. 

Althoguh I would recommend testing and finding out if you are in fact pregnant. If you are, you will need to make changes, if you haven’t already – no alcohol, less caffeine, take a prenatal, etc. Plus, if you do end up having another MC, the doctor will want to know. If you have recurrent losses, there are things they can test for to see if there is something causing the MC’s and then fix it. But if the doctor doesn’t know for sure it was a MC and not just a late period, they can’t do tests as easily (and justify it to insurance)

Post # 4
251 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, I can’t even begin to fathom the pain. I’ve never been pregnant, but I have another story to add some hope. My cousin’s Fiance had a miscarriage but she got pregnant again months later. They now have a beautiful, healthy baby boy who will be two soon. She’s also five or six months pregnant with their second baby. Don’t lose hope, bee. And as PP said, you’re definitely not alone. Sending love and hugs to you!

Post # 5
4210 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Everything you’re feeling if 100% normal, and to be expected after a loss. That being said, have you considered talking to someone (a support group, a counsellor) for people who have been through this too? 

We dealt with infertility for quite some time before conceiving. I never had a loss, but I did speak with a counsellor who specialized in infertility during that time. She helped immensely. When I unexpectedly got pregnant, I too had a lot of anxiety. It seemed “too easy”, and she really helped me work through those emotions, and enjoy my pregnancy.

Good luck, and I really hope you have a sticky little rainbow bean in there! 

Post # 6
738 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I know how you feel I had a chemical pregnancy before and I felt the same when I found out I was pregnant again. It can be a very isolating experience. I didn’t tell my husband about the positive pregnancy test until a WEEK after I found out because I was anxious there would be another early loss. 

Take it one step at a time, vent to us on here if you feel the need to vent! 

Post # 11
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

I had a miscarriage over the 4th of July last year, at 7.5 weeks along. That was my first pregnancy. It hit me a lot harder than I thought it would. 

I am now pregnant again—it took me 10 more cycles to get pregnant. I’m 10 weeks and 3 days today. Even though I’ve had an ultrasound and I’ve seen a heartbeat, it’s definitely very very hard to relax and enjoy the pregnancy, especially after a MC. I finally told my boss I’m pregnant this week (I needed to let him know for time off and a few other work reasons). That was TERRIFYING to me.

There is no normal or right way to feel and it makes absolute sense you feel ALL of the things. In fact, even normal pregnancy with no losses is terrifying–knowing your body is going to change in ways you can’t control or predict–a baby is a major change to your life–yes, it’s a scary time. It’s also exciting and fun and every emotion ever. 

I personally really want to be over the moon about this baby, but I’m holding back a bit because I went through a loss before. Once I am through my 12 week scan and my NT scan I will allow myself to finally enjoy the pregnancy. Can things go wrong at any time? Yes, and I know that. But I think sometimes you just need to hold yourself back from being toooooo over the moon until you feel more confident that it’s not just another loss. Totally normal. 

Post # 12
497 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I’m so sorry for your miscarriage earlier this year. I think your fears are normal given what you went through. I think counseling  could be really helpful. It sounds like your previous loss was traumatic and you are understandably still dealing with that. Avoidance and numbing is a very common reaction to trauma. A counselor might be able to help you work through that so you can feel more in control of your emotions. Wishing you peace with whatever happens next!

Post # 15
3871 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

You have every right to feel like you do. It IS terrifying! My DH and I TTC for 2.5 years with surgeries and treatments without success. We finally moved to IVF, and after the thrill of finding out we were pregnant from our first cycle we had an early miscarriage. It was the hardest thing I’ve ever been through, and stressful because our insurance covers 3 IVF attempts so we were at strike 1. We did our second cycle and got another positive. I walked on eggshells those first couple weeks. At around 6.5 weeks I had a huge gush of red blood at work and left work in tears. I had to wait until the next morning for the appointment and was terrified I had lost another one. Longest night ever. When the doctor did the ultrasound the whole room was silent and tense, but then we heard the baby’s heartbeat (for the first time ever)! Tears of relief were definitely shed by DH and I! We have been successful so far (currently 22 weeks along), but it’s definitely been an emotional roller coaster!

You are right about having no control over the process. I feel like I’m constantly holding my breath and wishing time would pass more quickly.  There is nothing fun about this whole TTC process. It is so emotionally draining! You are not alone, bee. Do you have a plan for when you will test if AF still doesn’t come? I find having a plan to be helpful. Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck! Please update us if you decide to test!

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