Post # 1
One of my best friends miscarried her second baby about a week before my wedding this summer. She and I are really close and I was actually IN the delivery room with she and her husband when her first son was born. When I found out she had miscarried the baby a couple months into the pregnancy, I cried with/for her and we had several texting marathons at work about it.
She lives several states away and I’m getting her Christmas gift ready to mail. I wanted to get her an ornament to put on the tree in remembrance of the baby. I don’t want it to be a blatent “miscarriage” ornament, because she didn’t tell many people at all besides me. I want it to be generic enough that people will just comment it’s pretty and not know what it’s for. My husband and I are going to put a note with it to she and her husband about how we wanted them to know we’re thinking about them and we wanted to remember the baby somehow at Christmas.
Yesterday, I found a silver and beige (sounds weird, looks BEAUTIFUL!) cutout butterfly ornament. It has some small rhinestones scattered on it and on one wing in tiny letters, it says “Season of Hope.”
Do you Bee’s think that this is ok? I really don’t know if this is appropriate or not, and I don’t want to ask any of my friends because none of them know about the baby. Is this something that someone after a miscarriage would appreciate?
Post # 3
i think that sounds lovely.
it’s a nice ornament alone and only those who know the situation will understand the true meaning of it.
Post # 4
@hogoboom2012: I agree, it sounds lovely and thoughtful.
Post # 5
Sounds great. You are a good friend.
Post # 6
I’m not sure because I don’t know her…i don’t know if she would appreciate the gesture or if she wants to just move on from the miscarriage and forget about it (since she was only a couple months along)
Post # 7
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
For me, personally, I would not want such a rememberance, but this si your friend. You know her; I don’t. I think with a miscarriage it’s really important to let go and move on and something like an ornament that would come out every year would just bring it up over and over and crush me. Miscarriage is common enough in early pregnancy that I don’t think it warrants some special note. A stillbirth would be a different story.
Post # 8
I think the gesture is so sweet and thoughtful but I think if it was me I wouldn’t want something to remind me of that, especially each Christmas. I just imagine her pulling out her decorations next year after she may very well have gotten pregnant again, or had another baby and have to remember that all over again. I think it is great that you want to acknowledge the little life she lossed but maybe in another way? Either way it sounds like your a great friend and support.
Post # 9
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I think it sounds beautiful. My best friend also miscarried a few months ago. Such a hard thing to go through as a friend, I want to do so much for her but didn’t know what and she also lives far away. I can’t imagine what these parents must feel when it happens.
Post # 10
- Wedding: September 2014 - Lodge
I actually know of several people who have ornaments they put on their christmas trees to remember their lost babies. I have a friend who puts a star topper on their tree, they actually named their baby girl Stella which means “star” and for them this is healing and a way to remember a child they never got to know.
Everyone heals differently though.
Post # 11
@hogoboom2012: This made me tear up. I think that is a lovely and thoughtful gift! I had a MC last month and I know for me that I would really love and appreciate a gift like that. So sweet of you!
Post # 12
I don’t know.
Does she WANT something she will have to look at all season to remind her of the miscarriage? I know I wouldn’t. Everybody grieves differently, so what you see as a nice gesture may be taken as something else by her. I know you want to be nice, but I think a supportive ear is better than an awkward christmas ornament.
Post # 13
@hogoboom2012: You are such a great and thoughtful friend to do this. If it were me I would love and cherish that ornament. I think you should do it. It is something small but reminds them you are thinking of them.
Post # 14
- Wedding: September 2014 - Manhattan Church Rec Center
I think it would be a nice gesture. She is your BFF. She knows what you mean. and 5 years from now when she takes it out she will remember that is the year this happened. and that they had good friends who shared their grief
Post # 15
OP, I still think the gift is a lovely idea. I just might not say in the note that this is in remembrance of her lost baby. I would just allude to the miscarriage, if anything, and not bring it up.
Post # 16
@hogoboom2012: I think that sounds lovely. I miscarried several years ago, though very few people knew I was pregnant. I really appreciated those friends who went out of their way to support me, and I’m sure your friend will appreciate this. I agree with you about not getting something too blatent… I think the idea of the butterfly/season of hope is perfect.