Post # 1
I found out on March 7th, at 10w2d, that our baby had died just a few days prior to our first apppintment. I had my D&C on Tuesday, and I’m struggling. Obviously this was all a giant shock, and I know it will take time. But I don’t know how to process this. Today has been one of the hardest days so far since the fateful ultrasound, and I thought maybe finding a good place to talk online might help. But most google searches are just turning up old threads with only a couple responses. Is there a good place to go to talk through this somewhere? A current message board? I go to work for the first time tomorrow and I have no idea how I’m going to deal with being back in the “real world.”
Post # 2
Equine_Breeder : Facebook has lots of good options if you are willing to jump into a totally new group. I had also joined Baby Center and found several groups for miscarriage that were relatively active.
I’m so sorry you are struggling. This kind of shocking grief is hard to deal with and I think it’s a great idea that you are looking for somewhere to help you process. My clinic also had a free miscarriage group that met in person once a month. You could see if there are any non-profits in your area that offer that. I also went to a therapist a couple of times to work through the nasty, hard stuff. It was expensive but totally worth it.
Let me know if you ever want to talk. You are not alone!
Post # 3
I actually got a lot of support on the miscarriage threads on here when I went through mine last year. There are a few of them and while not always super active when a bee posts and it pops up people will respond with support. Even just reading through old threads helped me.
Post # 4
Hi hun. I’m so sorry you’re struggling, I know how hard and bewildering and lonely that particular pain can be. It hasn’t been active in a little bit but like chocolateplease said, there is a MC thread on the bee and if you post there people tend to jump in with advice and support. There are quite a few of us on the bee who have been through something similar to what you’re going through (everyone’s experience is different of course). Here’s the link:
Post # 5
I would have not gotten through my MC’s without the support here on the bee. I also joined some boards on babycenter as well that were also helpful. I’m sorry you are going through this.
Post # 6
Equine_Breeder : so sorry to hear that you had an MC – they really are devestating. Often times family and friends, if you’re open with them on what has happened, don’t know the right thing to say. Their intended words of positivity such as “at least you know you can get pregnant” or “now you can drink again” or “better now then losing a child after it’s born” don’t exactly help.
I found the bees here as well as threads over on What to Expect community forums helpful. Hearing others experience similar made me feel less alone. But also made me realize that every woman experiences the grief of their MC differently. For me, I hadn’t actually bonded with the fetus and didn’t yet think of it as my child as it took me a while to get over the shock and foreign-ness of being pregnant (despite the pregnancy being planned). What I grieved was the future I had already planned and gotten excited for: having a summer baby, being on mat leave with my closest friend (we were 3 days apart in EDD), mat leave corresponding precisely with when I would be ready to leave my job, etc. It all felt so perfect. And then we had that terrible ultra sound. Letting myself grieve for that no-longer existent future was as important for me. For others it’s grieving from the attachment to the fetus. Recognizing what is at the source of your grief is important – it doesn’t lessen it but it does help provide clarity for how best to grieve.
Big hugs to you. I found that only time and self-care eased the pain. Letting yourself have your sad/angry/bitter/jealous moments is key, but I also try to stay hopeful for the future and a healthy pregnancy. Sleep also helped – but was hard at first.
I still have my moments where I get sad, and it’s been nearly 6 months, but the moments are increasingly fewer and farther between now.
If you ever want to talk don’t hesitate to reach out (ps I’m also a big horse-person 😉)
Post # 7
Equine_Breeder : Reddit has a few communities (r/ttcafterloss, r/miscarriage) and I think that they’re pretty active and supportive.
Post # 8
Equine_Breeder : I’m so sorry about your loss. The Bump message boards ladies are SUPER supportive of each other if you’re thinking of trying to conceive again later (if that’s of interest, even not soon). Under Trying To Get Pregnant (TTGP) community, there’s a weekly thread called TTCAL (trying to conceive after loss) where women of all stages of loss talk about things. Just be sure to read the group guidelines at the top of TTGP because they don’t make individual threads and it’ll explain the acronyms.