- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2010
I just wanted to thank the hive for all your love and support. Ive read every single post and private messages from everyone and was SOOOOOOOOO beyond words touched. thank you. They have brought me comfort and thank you for all those who acknowlodged my sweet baby, you have no idea what that means to me, he matters so much. Serously all the love and support you guys have given me was AMAZING. Thank you to all the women who have shared what they went through, they made me feel less alone . im also sorry for al your losses. its heartbreaking.
As for the misscarriage. we waited over teh weekend til monday and then we got another ultrasound as the doctor wanted to be absolutely certain, we already knew the baby had passed though. After the doctor took us to her office and she was AMAZING. she sat with us and answered all our questions and took all the time in the world with us. We decided to go through with the D nad E instead of waiting to misscarry naturally as my body was still not showing any signs at all. the pregnacy symptoms were still strong and that was heartbreaking to deal with. the doctor siad my body was holidng on to this pregnacy, funny its like my body and heart were connected, it just didnt want to give it up. i couldnt take waiting (according to the dr it could of been a month or longer before my body recongined the baby had passed) and i couldnt stnad the emotional pain of waiting. for the procedure it wasnt that bad physically, i havent bled much at all and have had really no pain only slight pressure in my abdomin for a day but other hten that my body feels ok. i feel thankful for that.
the docotr gave us hope though. we can try as soon as i get my period back if we feel emotionally ready. for my next pregnacy , they will monitor me alot more closly and i will be able to get ultrasounds alot more often ( as soon as they can see something and all through te first trimseter) so taht i dont have to go through the trauma of having my baby pass inside me without knowing. i was so surpirsed and relieved when she said that, she understands. she also said something reassuring to me in an odd way, she said: even after those ultrasounds you wont feel safe, it wont happen til you have that baby in your arms. and that is SO SO SO true. it made me realize a pregnacy is not a gurantee of a on earth baby.
emotionally, im not doing to good. the pain is unbearable and the hurt and loss is horrible. days never end and its always on mind. its hard to function, hard ot do anything. i miss my baby more then words can describe. its been a week today.
i got a beatiful sign from my baby that let me know he’s ok and happy in heaven. (its a little to personal to share teh details) It brought me some peace. we named him Jack. ( me and my husband FEEL very strongly that he was a boy, i just KNOW it, esp after he passed, we just knew it was a boy). We are going to build him a memorial. (i know to some that sounds crazy, but Jack was/is a baby) i will have a place to go visit my Jack and talk to him. Jack matters. he is our baby.