(Closed) Miserable and ashamed: The End

posted 11 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
83 posts
Worker bee

@Mizerable: For me, even a month out, I still have my days.  Last week was very emotional.  This week is better.  I know that will be the case for while. I am trying not to give myself a timeline, because 5 years with someone doesn’t just get erased, especially when love is still there.

The hardest thing I am grappling with is regret.  I regret breaking his heart. Watching him cry when I told him the news was the worst moment of my life.  I regret not having a frank talk about marriage before he proposed.  I regret not addressing issues that I had with the relationship (some I didn’t realize I had until FOREVER was hanging over me). 

Even now, we’re both still very raw.  We haven’t really talked about where we go from here, except that we’re taking time apart without the pressure of the wedding. My anxiety made me doubt my love for him, put this pain reaffirms my love for him, even if he is not the right one for me, or not right right now.

He told me when I expressed my doubts to him that he didn’t think we could be friends, but sometimes you never know how you are going to feel until it actually happens to you.  We don’t talk or see each other every day, but we still are part of one another’s lives right now.  We actually are still going on a vacation next weekend, which we had planned months ago. 

Again, I have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to.  In the meantime, I am taking this opportunity as a time for learning and growth.  Feel free to message me if you want to chat!  Good luck. 

Post # 17
833 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

it will be okay. it will be okay, it will be okay.

you’re a fighter!

you will come through this on the side a better person than when you entered it!

best wishes. we’re always here. 🙂

Post # 18
591 posts
Busy bee

I just now read your posts from weeks and days ago. I just want to let you know that everything will work out. I was in your shoes over 10 years ago, except I actually went ahead and stayed married for 3 years before I did anything about it. I commend you for taking action immediately. I got divorced and now I am engaged to be married, and from common friends I’ve heard he is remarried with a child. There is always a reason these things happen and you will see it eventually.

Good luck and I hope you find what you are looking for.

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