Miserable in my current job- would quitting be selfish?

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
5326 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

This will depend person to person and there isn’t necessarily a right or wrong. If this was me I would have been looking for a new job and not quitting just to relax. It is one thing to quit if you work in a high turn over industry and you know you will have a new job in a week or two but it sounds like you are mostly just quitting for the break. 

I think it puts unfair pressure on the other spouse for one person to quit working entirely because they don’t like their job. What if the working spouse goes through a stressful time and can’t reduce their hours now they are the sole provider? What if they get sick? 


Post # 3
1352 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

An option is that it might become your full time job to be looking for a new one.  If you quit and maybe take a few days as a breather but then jump right into hardcore finding new work, I think that could be a good compromise.  The relief of just not being in that environment will likely give you a boost of morale and energy as it is.

Post # 4
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

I’m not sure how unbearable the job is for you right now, but keep in mind that quitting without something else lined up could put you in an unfavorable position in the job market and make it more difficult to get another position. This will be its own source of stress. I’ve been in difficult work situations and they suck. But it might be more prudent to actively look for something else and not burn your bridges where you are.

Post # 5
725 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I had a job that was good when I started then things went downhill as well and it turned into a very toxic work environment. I really couldn’t be without a job so when I reached that mental breaking point I just spent A LOT of time looking at other jobs and just kept my head down and did my work.

I know how tough it can be, but I would highly recommend staying and simultaneously look for a new job. As a PP said, if you get an interview it’s a lot easier to answer the “Why do you want to leave your current company” question rather than a “Why are you unemployed right now” question. I think its great your husband is encouraging you to take the time off and supports you, but ask yourself if you SHOULD do that. Are you that desperate you SHOULD survive off of one income for who knows how long? I mean… my work environment was really terrible and I just kept telling myself to tough it out because I was still getting paid and I didn’t want a gap on my resume.

Stick it out and just put all the feelers out for a new job. Try to distance yourself from your job (take a mini-vaca with your fiancé, go for nightly walks/to the gym, etc) somehow so you can go into looking for a new job with a fresh mindset.

Post # 6
5241 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

I would make sure you’re on the same page. does he know that you won’t be looking for a job when you quit and that you would be focusing on wedding planning? Make sure your expectations are the same.

I found it very stressful to look for jobs while I was already working, having to lie about appointments to go on interviews and such, but it’s never guaranteed that you will find a job within the timeframe that you need

Post # 8
8271 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Do you *have* to stay late and work weekends? I know the general expectation for salaried employees is to do that, but since you don’t really care about losing the job, can you go back to normal hours for right now and search for a new job? 

Personally I don’t think many employers would look kindly on being unemployed so you can plan a wedding, and that might bite you in the ass later. 

Post # 9
327 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2016 - Tennessee

View original reply
hickoryhills :  I agree with what you said. And with that you both are getting ready to become partners in life for life. Through sickness and health. Your health is important and this job doesn’t need to run you down if you have someone to help you. And you shouldn’t feel guilty at all, you will find another job because you do seem motivated and that you do want to be a help to your partner. If the tables were turned you would do the some thing for him right? Of course you would, this is what being in a loving  relationship is about ☺️ Good luck with everything 

Post # 11
2309 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: City, State

This is between you and your fiancé. Be very clear on expectations so he doesn’t feel taken advantage of; talk abut how long is reasonable for you to be out of work; come up with goals for you to accomplish while at home. 

If you leave your current job without finding a new one, it would be perfectly okay to say your hiatus from the workforce was to further your education full-time.

However, if you’re going to do that, you need to be sure you have something to show for it. A certification, degree, etc. 

Post # 12
884 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Well, he offered more than once to have you do this, so he sounds okay with it and recognizes that he’ll need to carry you both for a while. So I think it’s fine to do in this situation. Selfishness is an act of thinking about oneself without regard for others and while knowing that your behavior will hurt others. But that’s not what’s happening here. I’m sure he recognizes that this is somewhat of a risk but is willing to take that on for your wellbeing. After all, how can you really provide for a healthy, happy home if you’re unwell? 

Post # 13
1155 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
chocco :  If it were me, I would quit, but send out, say, ten resume’s per day, while sipping my coffee in the morning. I would still give to weeks’ notice; never burn bridges. Research each company you apply to on Glassdoor to get an idea of the work environment. Get a few personal references in order. Set up email alerts on Indeed and LinkedIn for positions and industries you’re interested in. You’ll find something soon. 

I would spend other free time buttoning up wedding details that can be worked on now. Alleviate as much stress as you can before rejoining the work force. Any new job comes with about three months’ worth of stress while settling in to the new position. 

Post # 14
1621 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

A wedding is a party and shouldn’t be a hobby or something that you put your career on hold for. 


1. Medical coverage: if you aren’t married and quit will you have or get sufficient medical coverage?

2. If you find a better job, will they want to hire you knowing you’ll need a honeymoon after the wedding?


Ultimately, yes it’s selfish. But: it’s okay to be occasionally selfish in a relationship. Quitting the job isn’t the problem to me. To me the concern is the wishy washy my health, to rest, to study, to plan my wedding but I’ll look for a job. It’s like you don’t know what you want or what you’ll do. 

I have quit one job before. But it was a “I’m quitting, I’ll live in a box if I have to and my husband said he will live in it with me if necessary because it’s that bad” of a situation. I did everything in my power immediately to find a job. We could survive on his income just fine, but I didn’t feel like it was fair to reduce our means that much without making a job my priority. 

To me, I’d have another discussion with fiancé. I’d agree to exactly when I’d quit, what I’d be doing and when I’d make a new job a priority. I’d make sure he was totally okay with it and we were prepared with savings and our quality of life wouldn’t be strongly impacted… even assuming it took longer to find a job than expected. 

Then I’d follow through as agreed and not rely on strangers to tell me if they approve.

Post # 15
1464 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
chocco :  Going off of what @jellybellynelly was saying, I think you can change up your mindset some. I happen to love my job and where I work, yet at the end of the day I am still working because I have to**.

You are in the enviable position that you don’t HAVE to work this job. Your fiancé is supportive of you quitting and staying home awhile. So if you’re already in a place where you’re willing to quit then why do you care if you’re “expected” to stay late and work weekends? Use this opportunity to lay down better boundaries with your work. If they tell you to pack, well, that’s just one fewer decision you have to make, right?

You can also file for unemployment if they fire/lay you off (as long as it’s not for gross misconduct), whereas you wouldn’t be able to if you quit.

**Part of my “have to” is because I truly have no desire to stay home full time. I enjoy time off of work only because I have work to take off from. Same reason I don’t want to start my own business because then there’s really no such thing as paid time off, lol. 

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