- 10 years ago
I’m sorry you’re having such conflicting feelings during what should be a very happy time for you and your Fiance.
I think the first thing you need to do is to put the wedding planning on hold for a while. There is no point going forward with something you are so obviously unsure about. And it isn’t fair to either yourself or your Fiance to go ahead with a marriage that you don’t have faith in.
Second, I think you need to attend some counseling to try to come to terms with your distrust of the institution of marriage. From your post it sounds like your parent’s relationship really affected you and your views on marriage as a whole. Maybe working through them would benefit how you approach your relationships.
Third, I think you need to do some deep introspection about what you really want out of your life and your partner. Maybe there is some emotional or physical need you have that your Fiance isn’t fulfilling. Maybe it can be resolved with more communication with your Fiance. Or maybe it is something that your Fiance can’t provide and you might be better off looking for someone else that can. But ultimately it is something that you need to explore for yourself. Beating yourself up emotionally isn’t going to change the situation.
Finally, have your expressed these concerns to your FI? Does he know that you feel this way or has he ever noticed that you aren’t that excited about your upcoming marriage? I think you need to have some honest communication with him. As your partner, he deserves to know what you are feeling and not be blindsided if you decide to call off the wedding entirely. If you decide to try to work through your relationship, maybe some couples counseling with either a professional or a person of your faith might help you both to learn to communicate and fulfill each other needs better.