(Closed) Miserable :'( please help

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m sorry πŸ™

Is it actually the beach wedding that you want or do you just want to get married by the water with some beach photos? I thought I wanted a beach wedding, on the beach, until I started researching venues. Now we are getting married at a golf course over looking the lake. Turns out I mostly wanted the beach photos, which I will be able to have. Is there a compromise in the city that you live in?

Post # 4
Member
5885 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

You could also go down and have a wedding in FL just the two of you (shouldn’t be too expensive) and have the reception (and maybe a fake ceremony if that would keep the peace) later on.

Post # 5
Member
555 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow…that’s terrible.  We had a beach wedding and I wouldn’t change it for anything.  It was a sacrifice that we had to make that some people wouldn’t be able to come, but a local wedding tends to really drive up all the prices because your guest list is MUCH bigger.  It’s a tradeoff, but you have to do what you and your Fiance think is best and hope your family will come around.  What does your Fiance think?

Post # 7
Member
1843 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Unfortunately, if you depend on your parents to pay, then they do have a say.  You’re a year out, is there any way you and Fiance could save up and have the wedding on the beach paid for by you, and then have your parents host a reception at “home” afterwards with your family/friends?

Post # 8
Member
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Where are you living now?  There are beaches in plenty of states besides Florida.  Maybe you could find a place closer to home? There are nice places to get married on Lake Michigan beaches…. If your parents are totally unsupportive and you’re desperate for a beach wedding then I think the two of you should just elope.

Post # 9
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I think if you can’t afford to pay for the wedding you want, its a bit much to ask your parents to pay for a wedding they would be so unhappy with.  I realize that in an ideal world every parent would pick up the tab for their little girl’s dream wedding, but its just not reality.  I think your options here are either (1) hold off on the wedding and save your own money or (2) accept your family’s help and come up with something you can live with.  

If you really want to have a beach wedding, you can save for a year and snag a cheap vacation deal to Florida or Mexico and elope.  Costco and Travelzoo have lots of good all inclusive travel deals, most hotels will upgrade you if you say its your honeymoon, and most resorts have a concierge or a wedding coordinator who can help you pull those last minute details together pretty easily.  Hilton Los Cabos in Mexico I’ve heard does a great job for that type of thing.  You can tell your parents your intentions and let them know they are welcome to come if they want, but if not, you are sticking to your decision.  Most people I know who’ve done this, their parents come around eventually because they don’t want to look back and say they missed their daughter’s wedding.

I know its tough, but I hope you get what you want!

 

Post # 11
Member
241 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

I’m sorry you’re in such a tough spot, but I agree with the bees about your parents having a say in the wedding if they are paying for it.

You mentioned renting a house for bridesmaids and groomsmen at your beach wedding–can you eliminate the bridal party, and thus the house rental? I mean, is there any way to scale back the beach wedding so it becomes affordable for you and your fiance? Though that doesn’t solve the problem of dealing with your parents, it does give you the high ground to make your own choices.

It’s a huge challenge, but an opportunity to let your parents know that you are an adult and can make your own decisions now.

Post # 13
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I’m so sorry πŸ™
I can imagine it’s not a good situation…

Do you think you could have a blessing after the proper wedding? Maybe one year or so after the wedding, so it would be like renewing your vows.  Plus it would give time for you and your Fiance to earn more money and do things your way! This way you could take your friends and still rent the house at the beach and have a lovely time just like you want!

Try not to be angry with your mom. I know you might have said that out of anger at that moment or something. She only wants what is best for you, maybe it doesn’t seem like it now, but she really does, and she loves you very much! Tell her you love her and tell her how important she is.

Good luck and God bless you!
I hope everything turns out ok!

Post # 14
Member
20 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: March 2012

About the thing with the number 28…. maybe you could use this as a chance to turn it into something good in your life. A wonderful moment with the man of your life, overcoming a tragedy. He will be like your knight in shining armour!
I think it is a good chance to let go of something so bad and focus on the positive side of the day. It will be remembered as the day you and your Fiance will become husband and wife!

Post # 15
Member
83 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Yeah, that stinks. FI’s dad volunteered to pay for our rehearsal dinner and also kick in a small sum, and vowed not to tell us what to do. Now he’s making Fiance feel bad for not being able to invite random friends of his (FFIL, not FI). It’s always a hazard when it comes to others paying for your wedding, whether they’re footing the whole bill or contributing a dime. Have you sat down and had a heart-to-heart with them? Outline what you want and what they want and try to compromise? Can you guys afford a wedding planner? Maybe they can help find options that will work for everybody.

Just saw that you reserved a venue, though. Is it booked, booked? Or just “save this date and let us know if somebody else wants it” booked?

I know it seems like this will be horrible and the worst wedding ever and you’ll be unhappy, the end… but I promise, if you let this be fun and focus on the end result – you’re marrying the man of your dreams! – everything WILL be fine πŸ™‚

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