- 4 years ago
- Wedding: January 2013
As I write this, Im on my last day of vacation. I will try to keep it short.
For months DH and I have planned a vacation to florida. Its DH first vacation in 20 years. So it was a great time to go and take our kids to disney and take in the sights.
Also I havent seen my mother but twice in two years, for less than 20 minutes each time. She was flying into my city as a lay over both times. So DH thought it would be great to invite my mom to go on vacation so we could spend some time together.
Well mom agreed to go. Then all of a sudden my sister wants to go. I dont have a problem with this. Initially. Then it all went to hell. I find out on the way to florida that my sister brought my niece and nephew who werent even invited. She told my mom that I knew they were coming. My sister demanded to know all the details of the house we rented in Florida. How much it cost? WTF? I paid for it, she hasnt offered a dime on it.
I also bought tickets to a dinner show for my mom. It was a reservation I had made months in advance. DH was going to watch the kids so I could have an evening out with my mom. Tickets have to be bought months in advance because they sell out. My sister pitched a fit because she wasnt invited, tried to invite herself, couldnt get a ticket, and then went passive aggressive on my mom and me. We ended up missing the show because my mom didnt want to hurt her feelings and leave her at the house. Mind you I had already explained to my sister that I was planning a me and mom night out. She was fine with it until the day of.
It got worse. The next day I tried to take my mom to dinner, and she bullies my mother into taking her shopping to pick out t-shirts for my nieces and nephews who werent allowed to come. I never told anyone specifically they couldnt come. Only that if they were coming then I needed to know in advance so I would know what size house to rent. No one said anything and I asked repeatedly and everyone else had something to do and couidnt come.
And it keeps getting worse. At Disney she didnt put the correct shoes on my 9 year old nephew and his poor feet became raw and started to bleed and instead of taking him home, we were left with him while she went to find first aid. Nevermind the fact that my mom told her to put regular shoes on him instead of slides that hadnt even been broken in. My husband ended up carrying him around the park because he was so miserable.
Then the next day, DH and our kids kinda want to do a relax day at the house in the swimming pool. Well my sister comes down stairs and informs us that we need to be quiet and keep everyone out of the pool because my nephew is sick. So we decide on another plan. We will head to the beach. We start getting ready and she decides that nephew is well enough to go to the beach.
Every time I get a moment alone with my mom, she starts talking and never shuts up. We cant talk about anything. Im going to say it. I love my sister, but she is truly ignorant. She thinks she knows everything about everything when in truth is doesnt know anything. My DH is military and has been for 20 years and he was talking to my mom about his experiences and she starts telling him what he needs to do with his career. None of it made any sense.
So tonight, I sit my mom down and talk to her . I explain that I am hurt because I havent had any quality time together. I really am upset that we missed the dinner show. My mom is now mad at me. Said that Im just jealous of her close relationship with my sister. Then she proceeds to tell me that she thinks my husband is abusive because we refuse to let our children stay up past 9:30 and its vacation. Our dear daughter has ADHD and alot of other issues, we keep a very strict schedule because of meds and so she doesnt have alot of changes going on. Mom goes on to say that if DH hadnt come the trip would have been alot of fun because in her family women are the caregivers and the men learn to stay in the background. I have never agreed with this. My dad let my mom run rough shod over anyone and everyone. DH and I co parent together with each giving input. She says Im a stick in the mud. She had the nerve to ask my son and daughters if dad was always so mean to them about bedtime.
Get her away from everyone else and then its all reverse, my sister is draining her dry for money, my brother is ungrateful and wanting a new truck and wants mom to pay for it. My other sister is back to using drugs and my mom is making her house payments. My other brother threatened to kill her last week because he was drunk and she asked him to go home. She literally said to me on the phone. Your kids are the smartest of all my grandkids. All of my other grandkids are dumber than dirt and stupid. I explained that if maybe they had schedules and werent allowed to roam about like maniacs they might do better with some proper supervision…she called me a stick in the mud again and wanted to know when I got so uppity.
I dont think Im uppity but I am grown up. I realize that kids need structure and boundaries and that as a parent Im responsible for their well being even if my mother and family doesnt agree.
Then tonight as Im going down the stairs, my sister is telling my DH that Im the black sheep in the family, because I left town and home and made something of my life. DH was in shock because my mother popped off and said that its true I think Im better than everyone else because I made something of myself. DH didnt know what to think.
Tomorrow we are going home and my mother isnt even speaking to me at this point. Im embarrassed that my DH had to be apart of this. He said it isnt my fault but he hasnt had a good time with my family and neither have I for that matter.
I have told DH that when we go home, I will never ever speak to my sister again, or my mother. She obviously doesnt like my husband, the way I manage my family and she thinks Im stuck up. This isnt the first time I have heard her say this. She told one of my dear friends 4 years ago that I didnt visit much because I was better than they were. I dont think I am better than them, I dont visit them all because they are bat shit crazy. My mother is mostly normal when she is away from them but now thats not the case. Im cutting these toxic people out of my life. For good.
I guess Im not looking for advice, I have made my decision. I just needed to rant.