- 6 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
This is just so sad. I hope you and your husband and kids can afford to go on another vacation next summer.
This is just so sad. I hope you and your husband and kids can afford to go on another vacation next summer.
Jesus christ, what a nightmare. You mom and sister need good smack, honestly. They both were acting like huge brats to you, and I’m *still* blow away at them insulting you to your husband. Just wow…
Wow… I’m so sorry. What a waste of your vacation time and money, especially when all you were trying to do was spend some quality time with your family and your mom! You did nothing wrong.
I noticed you said: “I realize that kids need structure and boundaries and that as a parent I’m responsible for their well being even if my mother and family doesn’t agree.” It seems like your mother and sister definitely do not understand structure and boundaries, otherwise your sister would not have invited herself and her kids to this trip that you planned, and it appears that your mother completely condones her behavior, too. I’d just avoid talking to your mom about child-rearing since it seems that she prefers the “let’s be best friends” approach rather than the “I am raising you to be a responsible adult” approach.
Isn’t it amazing, how as Parents they said their whole lives they “want the best for us” (get an education, make something of yourself etc)
AND WHEN YOU DO… they aren’t the least bit proud, they go out of their way to tell you you’ve become too uppity.
I had a similiar experience with my Mother in my mid to late 20s after I was married, and raising my own children (she, who when I was growing up was never 100% normal to begin with)
Needless to say, after years of heartache, I made the decision to incorporate some TOUGH LOVE and cut her out of my life almost entirely
I told her upfront, I’ll see you, talk to you, write you… BUT ONLY as long as you can act civily with me… “the second” things go off the rails, and I am done. Outta there, off the phone, or not replying to the letter.
And so it goes, some 20+ years later, and we still have a “volitile” relationship. She really hates it when I go on “silence mode”… and shut her down / out because she’s wandered away from the parameters.
There have been years where we haven’t interacted at all… I don’t call her back EVER to apologize, she knew the rules, she broke the rules. If she wants to start up the conversation with me again, then she needs to reinitiate. She wants to shut er down, then she need only say the word.
It is tough position to be in (between a rock & a hard spot), but for the sake of your own sanity, and your Hubby & Kids you have to do what you have to do.
Sorry, I don’t have anything better to say about it…
(( HUGS ))
You did what was best for your kids and your own little family. I have cut a few relatives out of my life as well. They were very toxic. Not just to me but to all of our families but the rest want to ‘keep relations’. Not me. We only have one life to live. Why live with a relationship with toxicity? There are so many others people in the world who can add so much value to your life.
What a story. I am sorry. I can’t even imagine.
Are you the oldest? I mean, how are the rest of the siblings so crazy but you are so responsible and normal? Your mother raised you right but failed in others? How does that work? Who has been or is the worst influence in the family? Please excuse my curiosity.
Wow. I’m exhausted just reading that. Family does not in my mind equal blood nor does it excuse people thinking they can treat you like shit. Your family right now is your children and husband. Anything that is a negative force needs to be CUT out. Period.
Sounds like our family vacations. Lol. That’s why I quit going and like your hubs, haven’t been on vacation in a long time.
Sounds like there is a lot of jealousy going on there. Your mum and your sister are calling you stuck up for making something of yourself and being a good parent. Sounds to me like they wish they had been more like you when they had the chance, but can’t admit it now.
I think you are doing the right thing having a break from them. If you do talk to them again, realise it’s highly lighly to be exactly as before, don’t expect them to have recognised the error of their ways. You will just have to adjust your expectations to avoid disappointment in the future. I had to do this with some of my family. The fact that I expect some bad behaviour makes it less upsetting when it inevitably happens.
oh man!! It sounds like you and your family need a vacation from your vacation! I agree with your decision to cut them out of your life – you don’t need that kind of negativity from them. You and your Darling Husband are obvioulsy doing what is best for your family. I think you sound like a mature, responsible parent, not uppity and stuck up.
@TexasSpringBride: the bit that made me laugh was the fact that your Darling Husband was abusive for letting your children stay up beyond 9.30. Now, I don’t know how old your children are but I think 9.30 is a perfectly acceptable time for going to bed. And if you’ve got young children then that is them staying up late.
Really sorry to hear you are going through this but I think you are doing the right thing in terms of raising your children so I wouldn’t listen to them.
Its been a difficult situation. I just couldnt believe that she was accusing us of being abusive because we keep a schedule.
The worst part was the day we returned home, my teenage daughter told her that my mom had said “if you ever cant handle being a servant with no freedom, call me and I will reserve a plane ticket for you and all you have to do is get to the airport and come to us.”
I was livid. First our children arent servants, however when they are done eating they are required to put their dishes in the dishwasher, when they finish showering they are required to pick up their dirty things and put them in a hamper and clean up their mess. And since they wanted pets they are required to keep their water bowls filled and their food dishes filled.
Our kids are 14, 11, 11 and 8. We arent asking them to clean gutters or do things that are beyond their capabilities. However they do have one chore a day that must be completed. Chores alternate daily.
We have 4 kids, our house can get messy very quickly if they dont clean up after themselves. That isnt being a servant. Thats being responsible for yourself.
However Im not surprised at this attitude she has taken. My mother is a closet hoarder, when my dad was alive he could keep it in check, but now that he is gone, she has little pig trails all through her house to get from room to room, my sisters are filthy.
My nieces werent showering for days on end the last time I saw them because no one was making them take baths.
Its almost like my mother and siblings want to live in filth and they dont mind if their bodies are filthy either.
Unfortunately this isnt an isolated incident. Its been like this for years. My sisters and brothers are happy with their lives or so they claim. Their take is that they can do as they wish and no one can tell them otherwise.
My mother is a very well off woman, my dad left her well off and so did my grandfather. She has plenty of money and she dangles it like a prize for the other kids. I just refuse to take the bait. She can control them because they are all greedy. She spent over 250,000.00 on them last year alone on houses and cars.
She cant buy me and I think thats why she acts the way she does toward me. My husband and I have very good incomes, plus my husband has a family trust. We dont need or want anything from her. She cant control me or my husband. When my sisters married, my mother made it clear that the woman are in control and if they wanted to share in her wealth then my sisters were the boss of the house. It doesnt work that way in my house.
@gramgeek: I am the oldest. My dad was my biggest influence. He was career military. I always looked up to him because he was such a wonderful person and even though he was gone alot, he always made time for us when he was home. I still have his letters from when he was in the middle east during operation desert storm.
My mother was extremely hard on me growing up. I always had to be perfect. Perfect clothes, perfect education. When I was 4 years old, I very vividly remember it being 1 am in the morning and begging to go to sleep but she wouldnt allow me to because she demanded that I know how to write my name perfectly before I started kindergarten. My first testing day of school I was put into advanced placement classes because I could write my name in perfect script. Of course she didnt do these things when my dad was home. She only did it when he was away or she would threaten me with spankings if I ever thought about telling anyone she was doing something bad.
By the time I was in 3rd grade, I was the youngest person every to go to 4-H camp because I had grades of a 9th grader. In fact I skipped the 9th grade. I aced my proficiency test. Im the only person in my home state ever to do so.
When I was 12 I was the youngest ever public speaker in our school system. I spoke about AIDS in a time when most people didnt know what it was. I out spoke 18 year olds and ended up at a state competition competing against college aged kids. It wasnt good enough, my mother openly criticized me in front of the competition board because I didnt look at the judges enough and I stumbled over a large word, also I hadnt made enough eye contact with the audience even though I won the competition.
When my sisters came along…my brothers are on the end..There are ten of us. She stated to anyone who would listen, that with their blonde hair and blue eyes they would snag husbands to take care of them. All they had to do was maintain their looks and marry well. I look like my dad. He was a full blooded american indian. Im dark with dark hair and dark skin. Apparently mom thought I wasnt pretty enough to snag a good husband to “take care” of me.
Each of my sisters are working on 2nd, 3rd, and 4th husbands respectively. With the exception of the sister who went on the vacay with us and she is so self centered she couldnt marry anyone who might take time away from herself. She also got fixed so she doesnt have any children so she wont lose her looks.
Dont misunderstand. Im glad my mom pushed me, because of that, I am who I am today. I went to college, joined the military, was a journalist and now I work in property development. I dont want to be like them and Im not jealous that they are the way they are.
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