(Closed) Miserable vacation, cutting my family out of my life.

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 17
Member
1461 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

This is just so sad. I hope you and your husband and kids can afford to go on another vacation next summer.

Post # 18
Member
10015 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

@TexasSpringBride:  ((HUGS))  Sounds like this wasn’t an easy decision to make, but you’ve definitely made the RIGHT one.  I wish you all the best!  (Coming from another who can’t deal with their difficult family of origin anymore and has also cut some ties). 

Post # 19
Member
4523 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

Jesus christ, what a nightmare. You mom and sister need good smack, honestly. They both were acting like huge brats to you, and I’m *still* blow away at them insulting you to your husband. Just wow…

Post # 20
Member
1889 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Wow… I’m so sorry.  What a waste of your vacation time and money, especially when all you were trying to do was spend some quality time with your family and your mom!  You did nothing wrong.

I noticed you said: “I realize that kids need structure and boundaries and that as a parent I’m responsible for their well being even if my mother and family doesn’t agree.”  It seems like your mother and sister definitely do not understand structure and boundaries, otherwise your sister would not have invited herself and her kids to this trip that you planned, and it appears that your mother completely condones her behavior, too.  I’d just avoid talking to your mom about child-rearing since it seems that she prefers the “let’s be best friends” approach rather than the “I am raising you to be a responsible adult” approach.

Post # 21
Member
9951 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Isn’t it amazing, how as Parents they said their whole lives they “want the best for us” (get an education, make something of yourself etc)

AND WHEN YOU DO… they aren’t the least bit proud, they go out of their way to tell you you’ve become too uppity.

I had a similiar experience with my Mother in my mid to late 20s after I was married, and raising my own children (she, who when I was growing up was never 100% normal to begin with)

Needless to say, after years of heartache, I made the decision to incorporate some TOUGH LOVE and cut her out of my life almost entirely

I told her upfront, I’ll see you, talk to you, write you… BUT ONLY as long as you can act civily with me… “the second” things go off the rails, and I am done.  Outta there, off the phone, or not replying to the letter.

And so it goes, some 20+ years later, and we still have a “volitile” relationship.  She really hates it when I go on “silence mode”… and shut her down / out because she’s wandered away from the parameters.

There have been years where we haven’t interacted at all… I don’t call her back EVER to apologize, she knew the rules, she broke the rules.  If she wants to start up the conversation with me again, then she needs to reinitiate.  She wants to shut er down, then she need only say the word.

It is tough position to be in (between a rock & a hard spot), but for the sake of your own sanity, and your Hubby & Kids you have to do what you have to do.

Sorry, I don’t have anything better to say about it…

(( HUGS ))

 

Post # 22
Member
2319 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

You did what was best for your kids and your own little family. I have cut a few relatives out of my life as well. They were very toxic. Not just to me but to all of our families but the rest want to ‘keep relations’. Not me. We only have one life to live. Why live with a relationship with toxicity? There are so many others people in the world who can add so much value to your life.

Post # 23
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

What a story. I am sorry. I can’t even imagine.

Are you the oldest? I mean, how are the rest of the siblings so crazy but you are so responsible and normal? Your mother raised you right but failed in others? How does that work? Who has been or is the worst influence in the family?  Please excuse my curiosity.

Post # 24
Member
7371 posts
Busy Beekeeper

Wow. I’m exhausted just reading that. Family does not in my mind equal blood nor does it excuse people thinking they can treat you like shit. Your family right now is your children and husband. Anything that is a negative force needs to be CUT out. Period. 

Post # 25
Member
317 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2018

Sounds like our family vacations.  Lol.  That’s why I quit going and like your hubs, haven’t been on vacation in a long time. 

Post # 26
Member
491 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Sounds like there is a lot of jealousy going on there. Your mum and your sister are calling you stuck up for making something of yourself and being a good parent. Sounds to me like they wish they had been more like you when they had the chance, but can’t admit it now. 

I think you are doing the right thing having a break from them. If you do talk to them again, realise it’s highly lighly to be exactly as before, don’t expect them to have recognised the error of their ways. You will just have to adjust your expectations to avoid disappointment in the future. I had to do this with some of my family. The fact that I expect some bad behaviour makes it less upsetting when it inevitably happens. 

Post # 27
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

oh man!! It sounds like you and your family need a vacation from your vacation! I agree with your decision to cut them out of your life – you don’t need that kind of negativity from them. You and your Darling Husband are obvioulsy doing what is best for your family. I think you sound like a mature, responsible parent, not uppity and stuck up.

Post # 28
Member
2529 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@TexasSpringBride:  the bit that made me laugh was the fact that your Darling Husband was abusive for letting your children stay up beyond 9.30. Now, I don’t know how old your children are but I think 9.30 is a perfectly acceptable time for going to bed. And if you’ve got young children then that is them staying up late. 

Really sorry to hear you are going through this but I think you are doing the right thing in terms of raising your children so I wouldn’t listen to them. 

Post # 31
Member
1367 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

@TexasSpringBride:  

Wow sounds like you are soooo doing the right thing by cutting them off your life right NOW!!!

It must be hard for you too but you really can’t let them drag you to thier hell either.

Good luck to you.

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