(Closed) Miserably waiting …

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I’d just drop it for now. If he said he was going to propose in the fall and it hasn’t happened yet, it may still happen very soon.

I think if you can make it through the holidays without discussing it, and see what happens when you two see eachother in January. If there still isn’t a proposal come February, I think you can bring it up again.

Post # 5
1729 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Definitely give him the benefit of the doubt for a while. I was in no way expecting my proposal to happen when it did (thought it would be about 6 months from now at least) but to my surprise, he was actually planning on doing it much earlier than even when he did it…. but didn’t back then because of timing issues with the way he wanted to propose (in my case he was waiting on somone special to me to come out and visit us). If we had talked about it and he had given me the timeline he had in his head (last summer), I would have been thinking along the same lines as you are right now from the summer time on and would be itching to ask him about it again. Actually, especially because he didn’t tell me a timeline I was getting antsy and curious and wanted to ask. But I’m so glad kept quiet, so that he got to propose the way he wanted to and have it be a surprise.

By the way your guy responded, it sounds very, “please hush your mouth, little do you know it’s coming and you need to stop worrying about it before you ruin this surprise I’ve been working so hard to perfect” to me. Heh. By “right time,” I really don’t think he is implying that he’s suddenly not ready to be getting engaged/married. I think it’s proposal planning issues. So, maybe try to wait it out and just vent to us here for now — the Waiting board will be your new bff. 🙂

ETA: Reread your post, why do you feel like you’d be “forcing” things on him? I got the impression when I first read it that he was planning on proposing in the fall, but it didn’t happen for one reason or another. But were you really saying that you gave him a timeline (the fall) and that he just didn’t follow through?

Post # 7
353 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Aww, I feel you krazykat, it’s so frustrating to wait and wait, especially when you have no control over the situation. Don’t feel bad about bringing it up with him, it can’t hurt to let him know how you’re feeling and that you’re disappointed it hasn’t happened yet. If you’ve kept quiet for 9 months with no result you’re entitled to vent a little!

In my experience most guys think very practically about things, they want everything lined up and organised before they propose, my guy was waiting for the ‘right time’ as well. In our case it was completing work on our house and then a big trip abroad that was planned for many many months down the line. One of my guy friend has been with his girlfriend for 5 years and she’s been waiting for that ring for a loong time, but he wants to finish grad school and get a new job before he proposes. To him, it’s really important that he is in a good position in life before he proposes so he can look after her, pay for the wedding and is all set up for the future. I think to most guys, the proposal is almost as big as the wedding so it takes them a long time to get ready for it.

Cheer up and enjoy the holidays, when you look back at this after 50 years of marriage to your man a few months delay in getting engaged is not going to seem so bad!

Post # 8
714 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t think its so awful that you said anything.  Quit beating yourself up over it – its incredibly stressful – I’ve been there.  In fact, I felt like I was awful and unbalanced about how I felt/acted when I was waiting until I found sites like this and discovered I was far from being alone in my feelings and emotions. 

I’ll tell you this and maybe it will make you feel better – my husband and I were talking about this very subject the other night because two of our friends just got engaged.  She had been waiting and was pretty much at the end of her rope.  They had a blowup about it and he proposed the next day.  She said she felt bad but he assured her he had been planning it – he just wanted to find the “right time.”

My husband said that’s a huge thing for guys – they want to make it perfect and special.  My guy said he looked into hot air balloons, weekend trips…all kinds of things.  He also said in these situations that the guy is cool with everything because he KNOWS its happening and they don’t realize how awful and upsetting it is to be on the other side not knowing.  He also said sometimes guys need a push – so there you go. 

Good luck and hang in there. 

Post # 9
1893 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I think you’re okay too.  I was all ready to tell you to chill until you mentioned you’d been quiet since March.  That’s a long time!  Kudos to you on that one.  Sometimes guys just don’t realize how hard it is for us to just helplessly wait, it’s really that total and utter lack of control that drives us just a wee bit batty.

Give yourself a “shut up date.”  A date in your mind that you’re going to stay quiet until.  I suggest early February.  It worked for you before, you just need to do it again. Nothing feels worse than feeling like you’ve “forced” a proposal so do everything in your power to keep the venting (to him) to a minimum right now.  That’s what the Bee is for!  😉

Post # 11
290 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know exactly how you feel. I am in a similar situation that my SO standard answers are: “I do not know. I have not thought about it. I have too many things to worry about”.

Is it so hard to give some sort of timeline so the insecurity goes away? That is the part that gets me the most: the insecurity of NOT KNOWING.

Once I know the timeline, I will feel secure and at peace and I would not bother him at all.


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