Post # 1
Member
13 posts
Newbee
Need some advice here from anyone that may have been in a similar situation…. We’ve been married for a a little over three weeks and have been sending our thank you cards to everyone that gave us a gift or check/cash. Right after our wedding I told my husband I was a bit concerned that some gifts/cards might have been misplaced or stolen from our reception because there seemed to be too few based on the amount of guests we had at the wedding. However we do understand etiquette is a year for wedding gifts and since then a few more cards and gifts have been sent to us, so we weren’t overly concerned with it. I’m actually the type that mails a check right after rather than bringing it to the wedding, so I convinced myself I was reading too much into it.
Yesterday I finally finished all the thank you cards, I did the math there are still about 1/3 of our guests that we did not get anything from, which does seem unusual at the three week mark based on what I’ve heard from other friends that recently got married. Then last night I got a text from a friend that came to our wedding, she wanted to make sure we had gotten her card because the check hadn’t cleared yet, and we don’t have it.
I called my mom and explained what was going on and my concerns, so she called two close family members that we also hadn’t received anything from and they said they had also brought cards to the reception with checks inside, those also haven’t cleared yet… UGH….
Step one, I know we need to contact our venue and planners, and try to determine what may have happened. But what about these outstading guests?
This is incredibly awkward. Chances are, there a more like this but there are also people that just haven’t gotten around to it yet or just won’t been won’t giving a gift (which is fine). But I feel like we need to communicate with these guests and tell them to cancel thier checks if that is what they gave us, plus they are of course expecting thank you cards from us and need to be recognized for attending our wedding a giving us a gift.
How do we go about this without making those who either hadn’t planned to give a gift or haven’t sent one yet feel like we are fishing for gifts? The last thing we want to do is be rude to anyone, but we just have no way of knowing who is who in this situation. There are about 25 guests we’d need to contact (couples I’m counting as “1” then people who came solo or with a +1).
Any advice would be appreciated, thanks!
Post # 2
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - City, State
Honestly, I don’t think that addressing everyone and saying “it’s come to our attention that cards/gifts may have been stolen from our reception”, and trying to get a general count of who gave something and who didn’t is rude. If my check I gave you had been stolen, I’d sure as hell want to know.
Not only are you trying to protect your guests who gave gifts/money from losing out/having their hard earned money in someone elses hands, but I wouldn’t want whomever stole from you to get away with this.
Post # 3
Member
13 posts
Newbee
mittensmitten : Thank you for your reply. And I’m with you, if I were one of our guests I would want to know. And we will be reaching out to everyone. I guess I’m just trying to figure out the best method of communication and what to say to these people so that those who have not yet given us a gift but plan to or don’t plan to for that matter, won’t feel as though we’re somehow trying to send a “reminder” to give us a wedding gift, as that is certainly not our intention.
I’m thinking we’ll need to to do BCC email or something, I’m just trying to figure out how to word it.
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This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by
pais22.
Post # 4
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - City, State
pais22 : I agree. I think a mass email would be best.
“To our friends and family,
It has come to our attention that some gifts/cards have been stolen from our wedding.
We are in contact with (venue name) and our wedding coordinator to figure out what has happened, but we are in need of your help to track down just how many gifts were stolen. We want to protect your hard earned, and gracious gift, and to make sure that whomever is responsible for this does not get away with it.
A few of you have reached out to us concerned that your check has not cleared yet. If you have given us a gift/check, and you have not received a thank you, or the check has not cleared, please reach out to us as soon as possible. “
Something along those lines? From your post it seems like you havent actually sent the thank you’s yet so maybe edit that out? I’d put in more details like perhaps speaking with the bank or whatever steps you and your husband are taking next.
Post # 5
Member
13 posts
Newbee
mittensmitten : Really helpful, thank you! We have sent out cards to all the guests we did a get a gift from. So I’m thinking we’ll just reserve this mass email (as a BCC) to those we don’t have a gift from. I don’t think it’s that easy to cash a check in someone else’s name these days but if anyone on that email did have their check clear, I guess we’d need to know that too. Ugh, what a mess…thanks again for your help!
Post # 6
Member
264 posts
Helper bee
- Wedding: September 2017 - City, State
pais22 : Youre welcome, sweetie! Best of luck!
Post # 7
Member
4924 posts
Honey bee
That is terrible. I’m sorry that happened. I second PPs about sending a mass email.
The person who stole the cards probably won’t try cash the checks as they are traceable and harder to do. They stole the cards for the cash in them or giftcards. If your guests tell you they gave you a card with cash money I would tell them that you got it because it puts them in the awkward position of them thinking of having to regift you more money.
Sorry again bee. That is so shitty a situation and I can’t believe someone would steal wedding envelopes.
Post # 8
Member
13 posts
Newbee
cmsgirl : thank you, and I agree we don’t want anyone to feel obligated to regift us more. It really is a shitty situation, I think what bothers me the most is that chances are we’ll never find out who did this.