Post # 1
I recently got a wedding invitation and need to send a reply card with M______ sort of wording. This got me thinking of how I should address myself. In my personal case, I’ve never been married and am currently unmarried. I’m also a PhD so calling myself Dr. would avoid the decision to choose between Ms. or Miss. But since the reply card is an M________, that doesn’t seem to be an option. I may be splitting hairs here but this also got me thinking of how other females would like to address themselves nowadays. So let me hear what u think.
Correct me if I’m wrong. AFAIK, Miss applies to females who have never been married and Ms. leaves marital status ambiguous or for divorced non-married female? I read in someone’s blog that he/she feels that the usage of Ms. is snooty. I’m wondering how common that perspective is. I personally likes Ms. because it’s kinda unfair that there’s no male counterpart of Miss. Of course, I would not want to use Ms. if it carries a snooty connotation. Or is this feminist expression too dated?
Post # 3
I like "Ms" better than "Miss". My reasons are that first, it’s shorter 😛 and second, it’s more ‘equal’, so to speak, with the unchanging "Mr". I always use "Ms", and will keep on using "Ms" after the wedding (I’m keeping my surnames as well). And after I get my PhD, I’ll probably just try to go by "Dr" as much as I can 😀
I don’t really see how "Ms" could be considered snooty…
I also wish I knew what the equivalent of "Ms" is in Spanish, which although it’s my native language, I don’t think I was ever taught anything aside from "Sra" ("Mrs") and "Srta" ("Miss")…
Post # 4
I always go with Miss….I don’t consider myself old enough to be a Mizz(Ms.). But eh, it’s like splitting hairs to me. If people get my last name right, due to my first name & last name BOTH being "first names" then I’m pretty much all good. I despise when I get emails or letters that use my last name as my first name…..I don’t call you "Smith" don’t address me as "Jones"….just rude IMO.
Post # 5
If I were a doctor of anything, I’d have everyone calling me by my title. My parents…my husband…my kids. No one would be exempt. I would take a big black pen to that card, cross out M, and write in Dr. pren79. And do it proudly.
Post # 6
Ms. is definitely not snooty… it is professional. i know women of myriad marital statuses and ages who use it. I think what you read on that person’s blog is just his/her opinion, and not a common connotation.
in the case of your reply card though, i would just cross out the M and write Dr.!
Post # 7
Yup! I wholeheartedley agree with Niki and FLAmy. I DON"T think it’s pretentious if you’re a PhD or MD to be addressed as Dr. You put in the hard work and the time, you deserve to be recognized as such.
@Niki – I would BUY you the big black pen! 🙂 Seriously though, people that go through ALL of that deserve to be recognized for it.
Post # 8
I too am unmarried and I have a Ph.D. I always use Ms. if Dr. is not an option. We have worked much too hard — in some cases, many more years in the trenches of graduate school than medical doctors, so it always irks me that we aren’t always addressed as "Dr." all the time.
"Ms." came into use by feminists in the late 1960s because of the sexist and patriarchal practice of designating women as either married or unmarried (Miss and then Mrs.). "Ms." rejects this and recognizes that women’s identities should not have to revolve around the designation of single/married. Male identities certainy don’t. It really has nothing to do with age, and it certainly does not carry a snooty connotation (unless one believes that women who demand equality and respect are snooty, uppity and elitist!).
The feminists of our mothers’ generation fought so hard to really challenge patriarchy and gave us so many choices: using Ms. instead of Miss, doing whatever we want with our last names, the power to control family size, the power to control our finances and credit, and more. I’m disappointed that our generation seems to take it all for granted or think that many of their ideas are dated. Equality never goes out of style 🙂
And I’m not changing my name either — and will insist on being called Dr. for the rest of my life! I find it so offensive that men who are doctors in married couples are always Dr. and Mrs. but it’s not a common practice to write Mr. and Dr.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2009 - Byodo-In Temple, Luau Reception
I’ve always prefered Ms. vs. Miss. I just never liked the idea of being labeled as "single" or " not single" and Ms. seems to avoid (and be mysterious) that idea.
Post # 10
If I had a PhD, I would definitely go by Dr! You worked hard for that! I just got my law degree and as often as possible I go by Atty _____ or add Esq. to the end of name. I prefer Ms. to Miss just because it sounds more mature/professional to me.
Post # 11
Once I hit my 20’s I have preferred Ms. over Miss. For some reason I always felt that Miss was more for a younger female (teens, pre-teens, young girls). I say write what you feel more comfortable with!
Post # 12
Hi there – I chose to do away with the M_______ line on my response cards for that and one other reason. We have a couple of MD’s on our list and knowing how much went into earning the distinction, I just didn’t want to offend… But more than that it just seemed impersonal. After all the customizing/labors of love that went into the invitation design, I just couldn’t bring myself to have that part of the invitation not personalized… So, I had my invitation designer (sanskripts.com – she is AWESOME!) create personalized RSVP cards… Quite honestly, it was a big hit, I got so many comments how my guests had never seen that and how nice it was…
Post # 13
- Wedding: August 2018 - Oakland Manor
I’m gonna have to agree with most people and say i prefer Ms. Miss sounds like I’m 14 or something.
Post # 14
I also prefer Ms. I like its ambiguity and it’s just more "appropriate" in my opinion. But in your case, you should definitely rock your Dr. status. Just bypass that little M and write in your well-earned Dr.
Post # 15
I’m supposed to go by Dr. and if people call me that, it’s fine… but I’m also fine with Ms. Half the time I rocking jeans and a hoodie, and the title just seems inappropriate. But I agree with the Ms. crowd. No reason my designation should change just because I get married.
Post # 16
Miss sounds like a little girl thing. Like Miss Moppett =]
I’d write Dr. on there though. Well earned. I made a very specific point of finding out which of my guests have PhD’s and which have medical or dentist degrees because of this =]