(Closed) Missed his chance?

posted 5 years ago in Engagement
Post # 2
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
jillyrubies :  Have you discussed a timeline with him?  

Post # 3
Member
2758 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2008

This happened to me! On our 4th dating anniversary he gave me a Tahitian pearl pendant in a ring sized box! I such mixed feelings about that, because I love pearls and always wanted one just like that, but I felt disappointed that it wasn’t a proposal.

When you say you’ve been waiting for three years, does that mean you started discussing marriage and timelines three years ago? Or just started expecting a romantic unsolicited proposal after two years of dating? 

Post # 5
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
jillyrubies :  You might ask him to be a bit more specific.  You two need to be on the same page as far as your expectations.  

Post # 7
Member
3848 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
jillyrubies :  I find it so annoying when a partner hides behind the notion of “spoiling the surprise.”  I mean, a surprise is a sweet thought, but clearly you both have discussed marriage and a proposal is in the works.  So, there won’t be much of a surprise.

One quality I feel is necessary in a life partner is the ability to discuss any topic, openly and fairly, without fear of being shut down or told the topic is off limits.  And I am one of the traditionalists too!

I would suggest making a time to talk, sit down without any distractions, and tell him you’d like to be engaged by (next July, whatever) and will that be the case?  See where the discussion goes.   A man worth marrying will take your feelings into consideration and do all he can to make you feel comfortable and reassured.   And when he does propose, be surprised!!  🙂

Post # 8
Member
193 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

There should be some rule that romantic special holidays should not be allowed after someone says the proposal is coming soon unless that person actually proposes over said holiday. I would ask about the months not years statement since he said it last April. Maybe to him it means less than 12 months, but I would want to know. Traditional or not, fair is fair. 

Post # 9
Member
3791 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

View original reply
jillyrubies :  My husband is very traditional, but he was the one who brought up potential engagement.  We were headed to the grocery store and all of a sudden he brings up “so…uhhh…do you want to talk about….uhhhh…next steps…uhhh….in our relationship?”  That’s legit how it happened.  I was taken aback but I have so much respect for him now that I see how many women sit here for years waiting and waiting for a proposal.  He knew he wanted to get engaged, so he brought it up to make sure we were on the same page and proposed a month later.  Signed, sealed, delivered.

When a guy says “I want the element of surprise” he is stalling.  Even if he is traditional.  This is no secret that you want to be married, and even though he thinks he’s being “romantic”, he’s really just dragging you along here and making things worse.  You say you first brought up the topic of marriage 3 years ago — that is an AWFULLY long time for him to be making up his mind.  Honestly I’ve been with my husband for just over 3 years and we’ve already been married for a year and a half…a guy who wants to be married will marry you.  He will find a way.  I firmly stand by that.

Post # 10
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I asked my husband to marry me…and he said no!!!! He laid out his demands and conditions and once they were met he was happy. We were dating 5 years before i flipped into marriage mode. And i would not wait more than a year to be asked. If not move on girl! If he dont want to he wont.

Post # 11
Member
43 posts
Newbee

I feel your pain. Been waiting 2 years (started actually waiting when he brought the ring home). Every anniversary, every special date, every place we go I’m only half enjoying anymore because at the end of the day I’m sad he didn’t propose. He’s missed so many beautiful special opportunities and I’m not sure why he hasn’t lol.

Post # 12
Member
1782 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

View original reply
persnickety :  sorry to hijack from OP but What?! Your boyfriend has had the engagement ring for TWO YEARS without “proposing”? Isn’t getting the ring for a specific person while they Know about it the same thing as being de facto engaged and the   act to hand it over a minor formality at that point? Why the hell would you stand for this? 🤔

Post # 13
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I’ve been with my FH for 5.5 years and we got engaged in May 2016… nearly 5 years into our relationship. I was seriously going to rip my hair out waiting for it after our 3rd year, especially because we had talked about it. After year 4 I was getting super impatient, but I also understood why he hadn’t proposed. He said he wanted to make sure he was making x amount of money and wanted to be more established. He told me not to worry that it would come. Anniversaries had passed, holidays, birthdays, vacations, you name it!! At the time it seemed like a really long time, but I think it’s worth it in the end. If he says it’s coming, I think you should just trust him. I think it’s common to feel this way (See Chrissy Teigen’s interview about her engagement to John Legend)

Post # 14
Member
10223 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
dreeceves :  

Also not wanting to threadjack, but he laid out ‘demands and conditions ‘ before he would agree to marry you?  WTH?

Post # 15
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

View original reply
sassy411 :  lol yes. I am the baby in my family and a bit spoiled and throughout our relationship i had done some crazy things to him. Things maybe that ones normally would not forgive. So he was willing to marry me if i proved my sincere devotion. So…. i had to work on myself -_- 

 

The topic ‘Missed his chance?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors