(Closed) Missing a Family Member’s Wedding for Work

posted 8 years ago in Family
Post # 3
4192 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: July 2012 - Baltimore Museum of Industry

I think it’s crappy, honestly.

I used to be a freelance designer, so I understand the “take work when you can because you don’t know when you’ll get another job,” but it bugs me that she’d give up your wedding for another. My FSIL’s husband may not be able to make it to ours because of work, but we knew up front that he was going to be a maybe (works in film).

That said- in a way, she’s not that close of a relative for it to matter. Her husband’s not the best man, he’s an usher. And their financial situation might be one that they NEED this money. 

Post # 4
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Really rude, who told you she was planning to do this? Does she know when she has made up her mind so that you dont waste any time or money on having her there?

Post # 5
2065 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

I think it’s a bit much to say she’s proved that she’s fake and insincere because she’s skipping one wedding. Obviously I can only go on what you’ve said, but she’s not forbidding her husband to go or anything terrible like that and she’s giving you plenty of notice. I’ve had to skip family member’s weddings for work and school commitments, and we had family members (from both sides) not come to our wedding. I understand it’s upsetting when someone you think should be at your wedding tells you they may not make it. Maybe they need the money? Either way, if she doesn’t come, she doesn’t come. If that’s the worst thing that happens or annoys you during the planning process, consider yourself lucky! :p

Post # 6
1305 posts
Bumble bee

Honestly?  (Please don’t hate me!)  I don’t see what the big deal is.  Maybe they need the money.  If she’s trying to build her business up, shooting this wedding could be a very big deal for her.  I get it’s your special day, but this is her career!

You honestly probably won’t even notice she’s absent!  Would you rather her lie and RSVP “yes,” and fail to attend?  If she’s trying to keep this a secret and pull the ‘ol no-show, well then that is pretty shitty.  But you can’t really criticize guests for RSVPing No. 

Post # 7
1139 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Honestly I think your really overreacting. It’s not like it’s his sister or anything. Her husband is in the wedding not her. She is probably just excited to get a job and I don’t think that makes her fake. Not everyone is going to be as excited or make it the priority that you do. 🙁

Post # 9
424 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I think you sound pretty judgemental and need to let this one go.  You keep talking about how close the boys are.  That has nothing to do with her.  She gets to choose if she wants to attend or not.

Post # 10
128 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

This wouldn’t be a big deal to me, to be honest.

Post # 11
2612 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

It doesn’t seem like you two are close, so I would let this slide.  You DH is close to his cousin, who is going to be there.  That’s what is important.  

If I were trying to start a business, and I had to choose between working and attending the wedding of someone I am not close to, I would certainly choose work. 

Their choice to rush into marriage/having babies was their choice, not yours.  Would you want to be judged as harshly as you are judging them/her? 


Post # 12
5089 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would never blame someone for missing my wedding because they had to work – particularly if they’re as financially hard up as you’re suggesting. in fact, given how angry you are about their financial choices, it seems like you should be happy she’s taking a step in the right direction.

Besides, I don’t know what the big deal is – the cousin is coming, and it sounds like he’s the one your Fiance is close to, not the wife.

Post # 13
1430 posts
Bumble bee

You don’t know their financial situation. They may really need the money. It sounds like the person that really needs to be there is the cousin which he will be and if he is ok with his wife missing the wedding then you should let it go. 

Post # 14
1305 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@Filmnut88:  Maybe they are trying to earn $ the honest way now, instead of taking handouts?  I don’t think it’s fair to judge them on “rushing marriage and babies.”

I get where you’re coming from, really.  But at the end of the day you can’t force everyone to come to your wedding – even if your soon-to-be-husband and her husband are super close. 

I’m trying not to sound harsh, I get this is the most important day of your life – but to them it’s probably just a wedding.  It’s hard to see this as the bride, I know, but not everyone may be as excited as you.  Life does go on!

Post # 15
2085 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

If she was already established, I bet she would have passed on the job. As new to the game, she needs to take work to get work. It’s a bummer, but I wouldn’t feel badly about it.

She’s going to be working her tail off instead of enjoying a wedding as a guest. She isn’t going to be kicking back.

Post # 16
771 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@Filmnut88:  you are overreacting,

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