(Closed) Missing a family wedding :( What should I do?

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
  • poll: What would you do in this situation?

    Apologize to the cousin and remain a BM in the original wedding for your fiance's sake.

    Possibly ruin friendship for fiance but go to the cousins wedding with the rest of the family.

    Other, please explain below :)

  • Post # 3
    831 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: September 2010

    I’m soooo sorry to hear! That’s such a bummer!! Frown

    Post # 4
    396 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I wouldn’t be missing an important wedding to bein someone’s wedding that I don’t even like. Come to think of it; I wouldn’t have agreed to be in a wedding if I didn’t like the bride & knew I was only being asked for numbers. I guess your kind of stuck. But if you don’t mind starting a fight; I wouldn’t probably drop out of the wedding. You don’t like her anyway. Remember.

    Post # 6
    2286 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: November 2010

    Any chance that you could ask her to find someone else? Explain the situation and let her know that your first priority is to her and you understand if she can’t, but you also understand that you’re not her first choice and you don’t want her to regret her choice later?

    Or, barring that, could her Fiance intercede on your behalf?

    Post # 7
    5669 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: August 2010

    I would talk to your Fiance and see how he would feel if you weren’t in the wedding. I think this is a legitimate reason to back out of a wedding. She changed the date and while you feel awful you just aren’t available on that date. As I bride she should understand that she changed her date to a day in which you have a wedding of a close family member. As long as Fiance is okay with the way his relationship will be affected or if it even would I would drop out of the wedding.

    Post # 8
    406 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    you wont ruin the friendship for yoru fiance. have him explain to his friend. i’m sure she can find someone else. family comes first.

    Post # 9
    1580 posts
    Bumble bee

    I would definitely go to your cousin’s wedding.  I think it would be acceptable for you to go to your cousins wedding and for your fiance to go to his friend’s wedding.

    Post # 10
    48 posts

    Yeah, I think you should drop out. It is really hard sometimes to stand up for yourself and do what’s right for you, but I think you should. Sometimes it is worth it to do what you want–you don’t even like this girl and your cousin is really important to. If the girl doesn’t understand, that’s her problem. People are often too concerned about others getting mad–you have a right to do what you want and I think you should.

    Post # 11
    232 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2010

    While I don’t always advocate family before friends (it all depends), seeing as how you were only a back-up, this is a family member that you are close with, and you’d rather be at this wedding… Sorry but your Fiance will get over it; the bride won’t be your friend anyway… Explain the situation and tell her you need to back out.  If you paid for your dress, you are okay, if not then offer to pay the costs and get outta there.  Real simple for me!

    Post # 12
    13094 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    Well I seem to have the minority opinion here, but I think you have to miss your cousin’s wedding (unfortunately).  Even if you don’t really like this other girl, you committed to being her bridesmaid.  You should not back out of that commitment.

    Turn the tables, what if one of your nridesmaids backed out on you and you were left scrambling to find someone else.  Not only would that stress you out (I’m sure) but I’d think your feelings would also be really hurt.  And you backingout would be the second time that has happened to this bride.

    As much as you’d like to go to your cousin’s wedding, she changed her date to a date were you already have a commitment.  You need to honor your first commitment.

    Post # 14
    5822 posts
    Bee Keeper

    I would talk to your Fiance to see if HE is ok with you backing out.  HIS opinion is the only one that matters.  If he is ok with it, then apologize to the bride and let her know that you have to attend your cousin’s wedding.

    Post # 15
    272 posts
    Helper bee

    In five years, which wedding would you be happier having attended?  Your cousins, or an acquaintance?

    Post # 16
    6659 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: May 2010

    The solution to your problem is simple: replace yourself. Since the bride actually told you she only cared about having even numbers, not who was actually a Bridesmaid or Best Man and has already switched some out (or dealt with dropouts is more likely) clearly it doesn’t matter if you are actually there or not.

    Find some distant friend or family member, offer to pay them if you have to and hand over the dress. Then go to your cousins wedding guilt-free!!

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