Missing an alienated old friend

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
332 posts
Helper bee

I feel you. I had/have a friend who I’ve been friends with since I was about 9. I became extremely close with her mother since the beginning. Her family basically adopted me. Im still friends with her family to this day. 

However, around highschool we got new friends and grew apart but I still tried to maintain that relationship through college. There was a time where she said she ended up stealing $300 from me. I was furious. I called her mom and said so many nasty things about her and her mom didnt provide me any insight to why she was doing that. 

Come to find out a few years later that she was addicted to heroin and was stealing from EVERYONE. But they kept it under wraps. She apologized to me eventually but I never was as close to her or her family after that. 

She ended up getting pregnant. I went to her baby shower and it finally seemed like her life was turned around. Then things got worse… when she was 8 months pregnant her fiance died from an overdose the night he proposed……. it was devastating. I tried being there for her but it just seemed like she didnt want me there. 

She seems to be doing a lot better now but we are in completely different parts of our lives. Its awkward talking to her family about what Im doing with my life because I never got into drugs or had to go to court for anything. Its clear they wish she was more like me to the point where its embarressing. 

I too remember talking to her about how she would be my Maid/Matron of Honor and now i dont even know if I would invite her. It does make me sad sometimes. So I completely understand where you are coming from.. 

Post # 4
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

I have a similar story to share.. I had a best friend years ago that I had a falling out with around the time of her wedding and she ended up not inviting me at all.. we didnt speak after that for a while. I missed her a lot and one day I reached out and told her that. She was doing really well, moved, bought a house, had a baby. I was and am genuinely happy for her. She is a great person and deserves all the happiness in the world. The conversation felt very one sided.. I told her I loved her, missed her and thought about her frequently. She responded something like.. yes but there was a lot of hurt. I said yes, on both sides and I left it at that. I still miss her. But I do respect her choice to not have a relationship with me. We texted once or twice since then until the conversation settled back to not talking. Now, I don’t have her number.. and she doesn’t have mine. It is sad… but things change. Many good changes! but some of them sad too. I end up being greatful for the time we spent together instead of wishing the time spent apart could be different. 

Post # 5
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

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MrsNeutrino :  THIS! I had a similar falling out with a friend a couple years ago. I was a Bridesmaid or Best Man in her wedding and ended up having to step down due to our fight at the time. The friendship was no longer healthy and I had to take a step back. She needed someone who could be there for her in ways I couldn’t at the time. I had a lot going on in my own life…was graduating college and had accepted an internship all the way in Miami, FL. So just BIG things going on but she couldn’t see past her wedding and “her time.” Unfortunately the friendship ended and it was devastating.

We have since spoken a few times on the phone and text…and we are friends on social media. I have not seen her in years though and I don’t ever plan on it. Some friendships are only meant for a season and that’s okay. Though I’ve forgiven her and I believe she’s forgiven me, I don’t think I could ever be close to her the way I once was. 

Post # 6
Member
1358 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - Banquet Hall/Conference Center

Aww bee! Yes I’m going through this right now. My best friend (and bridesmaid) of FOURTEEN YEARS just called it quits on me this weekend for the whole shebang – bachelorette, wedding, friendship in general. My wedding is this summer. I always thought she’d be there, even if she didn’t do the whole bridesmaid thing. But she yanked the chain on me because our relationship was falling apart for the past few years now. She felt like it had been dragging on long enough and it was now or never. In hindsight, she was probably right, but it still HURTS LIKE HELL. She’s like family to me, even her parents are invited to the wedding (and now she won’t be, which is gonna be odd).

I don’t think wedding planning was the reason behind this breakup, but it certainly didn’t help. I’m sorry bee! Adulting sucks.

But I wish you congratulations on your engagement! Since it’s been 4 years, maybe you can reach out and just announce the news to her and take it slow and see what she says. I wouldn’t make her a Bridesmaid or Best Man though, tha’ts just drama waiting to happen and you don’t need that while wedding planning. Do send her an invite though 🙂

Post # 7
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

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gagal2016 :  well said. we just reached the end of our love cycles…

Post # 8
Member
192 posts
Blushing bee

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MrsNeutrino :  It’s sad, but at the time, I barely flinched. It’s like leaving a toxic romantic relationship in that respect. You can love someone deeply, but once they have crossed that line, there’s no real coming back. We can forgive but we can’t forget. 🙁

Like I said, I wish this old friend well and am happy she is happy now. However, there’s just no way we could be “real” friends again. Too much water under the bridge and too many things we both can’t forget. And that’s okay. 

Post # 9
Member
5517 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2019 - Paris, France

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gagal2016 :  agreed. I like to think in an alternate universe we are still friends 🙂 But that forces the thought that in yet another alternate universe we are enemies! Which makes me content right where i am lol

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