Post # 1
Hi Bees. I was cross checking the registry, and realized I have 5 missing gifts. This makes me nervous because the mailman leaves packages on our front porch, so I was worried that someone might have stolen them. I called to ask and this is what they said:
Four (small) gifts were purchased on two separate dates (two each date) and sent to my friend who lives 3,000 miles away. She then did NOT bring them to our wedding. She hasn’t mentioned it, so perhaps she didn’t mean to send them to herself, or forgot to bring them to the wedding. This I will just wait on and see if she sends them in the next few months.
Here is the question: One gift was purchased in the town of our wedding, on the date of our wedding, in person at the store. They couldn’t tell me who because it was in person. This was on August 2nd, 5 weeks ago! But we never received the present. Was it lost? Stolen? Did they forget to bring it?
Should I send an email out to the 10 guests who still haven’t given us gifts? Or should I just wait? Darling Husband says to wait, but it’s been a long time already and I’m nervous if it got lost in the shuffle.
Post # 2
I would wait quite a bit longer than 5 weeks after the wedding to start asking guests who didn’t send a gift. It seems worse to me to end up not sending a thank you because you didn’t actually get the gift than to ask people who you didn’t seem to receive a gift from if they sent something.
Post # 3
I would wait a bit longer before questioning these people. You may come off as rude and gift grabby.
Post # 4
It’s incredibly rude for you to email your guests and ask where their gifts are. I would be beyond mortified if I ever received an email like that, even if I had given a gift.
Post # 5
I think you should just leave it alone. If someone gave you a gift, I think it’s up to them to question you if you’ve received it. If they don’t get a thank you from you, chances are they’re going to double check that you received it. Especially if it was delivered.
ETA: For all you know, they bought you something off the registry, decided they liked it for themselves and gave you cash instead.
Post # 6
i will hold off, and i guess you’re right that it would be extremely awkward. the question would be “we are concerned we lost a gift! did someone gift us a lovely XXXXXXX? if so, thank you so much for thinking of us but unfortunately we can’t find it!” i mean, what are they going to do if it was lost? i guess i should just forget about it. ah well – awkward!!!
thanks for helping me think that through.
Post # 7
Gwendolyn88: that’s the beauty of the bee…folks will help you realize exactly how flawed your logic is within 10 seconds, haha.
in all seriousness, since you don’t know the context of the gifts (purchased but forgotten to send, maybe the giver was browsing online on your registry, then saw something they liked and bought it but it showed up from your registry, legitimately lost in the mail, etc.) i would not say anything. probably ever.
i guarantee you that especially if these were gifts purchased by family, you will hear through the mom grapevine (or your equivalent, maybe a talkative aunt?) that so-and-so is super miffed because he/she never got your thank you note and it’s been long enough! lol. at that point you can do damage control and let them know you never received it.
Post # 8
I would die of embarassment if I received this email. Hold off. I feel like you may be able to find out through the grapevine..
If I had a physical gift sent to someone and never received a thank you, I’d follow up to ensure it was received.. Maybe that will happen.
Post # 9
Really? Wait til it gets through the grapevine that someone is miffed they haven’t received a thank you? I’m sorry, but that’s kind of BS. The way some people treat thank yous these days, it’s becoming more and more common to just not send one- and some people really don’t care.
I would say wait a few weeks- til around the time you send out the thank you notes. Then maybe get your mom or friend that regularly talks to the “non-gifters” (sorry, don’t mean to be offensive, that’s just the only thing I can come up with right now) to bring up that you were looking at completing your registry, and there appears to be a mismatch between what you got and what the registry says you got, specifically with these items. She doesn’t even need to mention that she’s asking the non-gifter if it was their gift- she just has to drop the remark in passing. If the non-gifter sent you something, then they’ll recognize that something went wrong. If they didn’t, they might feel a little awkward about not giving a gift, but they weren’t called out on it.
Post # 10
It’s probably just more washcloths anyway, I’m sure you wouldn’t like them.
Post # 11
Apple_Blossom: i treat a thank you note with high regard; i send them regularly even for birthday gifts, and i’m pleased when i receive them for gifts i’ve given. however i feel like it’s kind of tacky (yes, i used the dreaded t-word, lol) to stalk your own registry to see who bought what anyway. maybe i am just ignorant because we haven’t created a registry yet, but come on. you’ll know what people bought when they give you the gift. if they shipped it, even basic shipping should have a tracking number. the gifter should be responsible for tracking the gift.
i just think it’s poor taste to not only be tracking who bought what from your registry, but then trying to track them down too? and OP said they were small gifts; it’s not like a washer dryer got lost in transit. sorry she didn’t get her washcloths on time but i don’t think she needs to approach people about it especially not knowing anything besides the fact that the items were purchased.
Post # 12
Scarlett11: So, I’m in this situation. I bought a gift for my friend’s wedding. I never got a thank you note. I tracked it on the store’s system and it appears as SHIPPED last December but it does not say Delivered. What should I do? Should I ask her if she got it? I think it is rude, what if she didn’t get around sending the thank you notes? :/
Post # 13
MuseForever: my two cents would be to first follow up with whoever shipped it (the company, the postal service, ups, fedex…) and see if they can give you any info. they should be able to look it up by tracking number. if it was never delivered, i would go through the annoying battle of either being refunded or having a duplicate sent to your friend. in that case i would also call the friend to let her know what happened–just tell her that bed bath and beyond (or whoever) called to update you of the oversight and here’s how they fixed it etc.
if it WAS delivered,then yeah, your friend might not have sent thank you notes. which sucks. :/
ETA: ORRRR depending on the gift you could always bring it up in conversation. like if it was a cake plate or something (assuming you speak to each other on the reg), you could say something like, “i made a cake the other night for dessert, but i didn’t have a stand or anything so it just looked weird on a regular plate. do you like the cake plate i got you for your wedding? i’m thinking of getting something similar and wanted to know how well yours works.” obviously you’d need to adjust your subject matter to make it sound more natural and not like, “hey girl tell me if you have this gift or not.” but yeah.
Post # 14
You really need to chill out with the gifts.
Post # 15
MuseForever: It’s a little late but yes I would ask if they received it. Personally I think its better to inquire whether someone got something when you didn’t get a thank you note than for the bride to ask about the missing gifts. Etiquette says the bride and groom should send a thank you but not that you must gift. I sent a very expensive bottle of champagne once and received no thank you, a couple weeks later I checked if they received it and maybe they were a bit embaressed as they did and didn’t thank me but oh well, it didn’t really bother me so much that I didn’t get a thank you, just wanted to see if they received it. On the other hand I sent a gift from a registry that ended up not being sent with a card and the couple guessed it was from me correctly and asked as they wanted to thank me and really it was kind of awkward even though I had sent the gift in question! To have someone calling me and saying hey, we didn’t receive a gift from you and this one came with no card so is it from you? :/