- 3 years ago
- Wedding: April 2017
I posted on here a few months ago about having issues with my best friend. long story short we’ve been friends for 7 years. her parents made her put her life on hold because they wanted to have 2 more children. she has to stay at home and babysit them everyday except the weekends. well over the past year shes become really distant. She would text me but if i had asked her to hang she wouldnt. she got to where she ignored me every weekend because she didnt want to hang. she would always have to ask her parents if she could hang out with me and when they said no, that she had to watch the kids, she would always work it out with me so we could hang. (i would come to her house and help her babysit ect.) well after a lot of advice from helpful and some mean bee’s i tried my best to reach out to her and let her know that i was there for her. I could tell she was not as happy as she used to be. i simply wanted her to know that i was there for her no matter what. and that i still wanted to hang out when she could. the friday before christmas i asked her if she would be able to come to our anual christmas eve party. she said she might be able to. over the weekend i didnt hear back from her. the following week i messaged her and she explained to me that she and her mom had gotten into a fight and her mom had taken her phone away (she’s 21) and thats why she couldnt message me. i thought nothing of it. over the next few days i was talking to a mutual friend and she asked me how our party was. when i told her that my bff didnt come she asked why and i told her about my bff and how her mom took her phone away all weekend and she didnt get it back until tuesday. our mutal friend then told me that my bff had messaged her on christmas day and thanked her for a gift. I was pretty confused. i didnt understand why she would lie to me. When i asked my bff if she had her phone over christmas, she then lied again, saying that she didnt get it back until tuesday. once i explained to her that i knew she had her phone she became defensive. we got into a pretty big fight about how she lies to me, and how shes not happy with her life. I asked her how was i supposed to help her or be her bff if she pushed me away and lied to me. it was kinda the last straw because i have caught her in lies before. she’ll lie about stuff that there is no need to lie about. i’ve also caught her in lies about hanging out. instead of just saying she doesnt feel like hanging this weekend, she will tell me that her mom said no. but she will later confess to the lie. i think the thing that bothered me the most was the lying and the fact that she will ignore me from thursday to monday or tuesday just because she doesnt want to deal with me asking her if she can hang out. it had become this toxic cycle. she would lie or pull away, id constantly be trying to hang out with her and talk to her, we’d fight about it, she’d admit her wrongs and then we would make up, she’d say she’d try harder, that would last about 2 weeks and it would go back to the same old thing.
i was pretty hurt after this last fight. seeing her lie so easily to me hurt alot. i always had hunches when she lied and she did admit to some but this just hurt so much. i told her that it would be best if we didnt talk anymore. i know i havent included everything that has happened, but i was literally at my wits end. i had tried every option to fix things. fast foward a month later- we still havent spoken. I’m at an internal battle. i miss her so dearly. i find myself crying alot. i want to message her but part of me know that it will just go back to the same toxic cycle. i find it hard to be happy. she was going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and now with my wedding 3 months away i find it hard to be excited. i know itll be insanely hard not having her there. she is like my sister. (please dont send me hate comments, this has nothing to do with not having a Maid/Matron of Honor or my wedding. its about our friendship. i know how much i would need her on my wedding day. we’ve talked about it for YEARS adn not having her there would be so hard.)
my cousin messaged her today, and she admitted to her that she was wrong and that she lied and pushed me away. she said that she misses me like crazy and she has thought about messaging me but she was scared i would block her or that it would make things worse. i could really use some advice about what to do. should i try to work things out, or accept that this friendship is toxic and try to move on? have you ever had a falling out with a bff and were ablet o fix it?