(Closed) Missing my father.. but shouldn’t be…

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

To be honest, I would probably think about talking to a counsellor. Not having a father in your life when you have tried to include him and make an effort would be heartbreaking. It’s easy for other people to tell you he’s toxic and you’re better off without him, but that doesn’t make it any easier for you to deal with. My DH’s dad isn’t in his life much either. We invited him to the wedding but he didn’t come. I doubt he remembered it was on (DH saw him last weekend for the first time since, and he didn’t mention it at all). My Darling Husband has dealt with this in his own way but if he was struggling like you I would be suggesting a counsellor too. Having an objective person to talk to can be really helpful. All the best!

Post # 5
Member
693 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

First, I would pray about this.  What does your heart tell you?  

Second, what would I do in this situation?  I would not invite him.  

I want to write more, to say something that will really help you, but this is such a delicate situation and I really do not know what else to say.  You deserve a wonderful wedding day, and I really hope that on that day you are surrounded by all your friends  and family that love you and your fiance. All the best!

Post # 6
Member
1104 posts
Bumble bee

This isn’t the only life event you are going to have to deal with though, that’s why I think seeing a counsellor would be a good idea. After the wedding could come moving house, having babies, getting new jobs, kids growing up…if your father keeps behaving this way then you will keep having the same reaction and every milestone will have this sadness to it. I think that would be really awful which is why I think dealing with it properly now is the best. I know it feels like so close to the wedding you don’t have time or energy but I think it would be worth it.

Post # 7
Member
1403 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

I’m sure your Fiance is right that if you try to contact your father again you’ll only get hurt.  What do you really think would happen if you invited him?

I’m very sorry your father hasn’t been there for you in recent years.  My FI’s family can’t be counted on to be there for him either; we’ll be lucky if both his parents show up, and we’re not counting on his brother either (who is supposed to be a groomsman).  Fiance is very sad about it and wishes he could fix it and just be a happy family with them, but they chose to be the way they are.

A wedding brings our imperfect family relationships into painful focus, even though we try so hard to ignore strained relationships and hurt feelings in daily life.  We need to respect ourselves by staying out of unhealthy situations, and stay strong in our convictions.

 I wish the best of luck to you.  Surround yourself with those who love you and will support you.

Post # 8
Member
2867 posts
Sugar bee

Yeah a couselor or therapist would be a wise investment.  I don’t think I can say what you should do as I have a very similar situation…luckily I don’t have to make any hard decisions for a while.  Best of luck!

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