- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
May of 2011, a very close friend of mine became engaged to a man (an Army guy) she had known and dated for just over five months (her first “long-term” relationship), who very few of her good friends, myself included, and most of her family had never met. She told me of her engagement via text message, and over the phone days later, I expressed my shock and concern for what I considered to be a very rash decision. She expressed appreciation for my concern, and I thought that things were fine between us. I was told it would be a long engagement and the wedding date was set for this past May. We continued to speak regularly, usually once a week, and she and her fiance visited my fiance and I around Christmastime so I would get to meet him before the wedding. After driving over 500 miles with my fiance to attend this wedding, I find out the day of the “wedding” that the couple had actually gotten married the previous fall. She had told our mutual friends only when they suspected something suspicious and called her out on it. And only her parents attended the real wedding. She and her husband didn’t even tell his own mother about it. It was a small wedding, about 40 people, the majority of which traveled a fairly considerable distance, and only a handful of the guests were aware that the real ceremony had taken place months before.
I don’t understand why she had a “real” wedding after her elopement and chose not to tell her guests. It almost feels like gift-grabbing. She still does not know that I know about this deception. Her maid of honor, a very good friend of mine, as well, urged her to tell me, especially when she and her husband visited during the holidays, but she did not. I have tried to let this go. I am hurt and disappointed by what I feel are her lies. I was the only person in our group of friends who did not know the truth of what was happening. Outside of a few text messages, I have only spoken to her once since the “wedding.” I don’t know if I should say something and clear the air or just sit on it and hope that the lingering resentment I have towards her fades over time. I am planning my own wedding right now, and I would really like to be able to have her at it and not be harboring any ill will towards the two of them.
Oh, and I have yet to receive a thank-you card.
Any thoughts or advice for me?