(Closed) Missing thank you – when to say something?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
140 posts
Blushing bee

It’s rude for her not to send a thank you.  It’s even ruder for you to say something about it.  Just let it go.

Post # 3
2569 posts
Sugar bee

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LAX03:  i Agree with the PP.

she probably thought that her thanking you that night was good enough.  I’d let it go. It’s really not worth the headache. 

Post # 4
87 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

If you didn’t directly hand the gift over to the couple, it is reasonable to be concerned about whether the gift actually made it to the couple. I think a polite “just making sure you received the gift” message to your friend is fine if this is the case. Otherwise, while it is frustrating, I’d say there isn’t too much I think you can politely say to her.  Also I think technically etiquette gives you a year (although I could be totally wrong about this).  

Post # 6
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2015

I think you’re just mad because you’re not getting the thank you you want.

Post # 7
565 posts
Busy bee

I had a friend who got married (she lives in a different state). I couldn’t make it but sent a gift anyway. A while later I had yet to hear from her and I texted her “Did you get the gift I sent?” To which she replied “Yes we did. Thank you! We are sending out thank you cards this week. We have been a little slow haha” And I said “Oh ok just making sure it got there!”

Never got anything in the mail lol. I found it incredibly rude, but that was that (Honestly though, any kind of thank you initiated by her, even by text would have sufficed for me). What can you say or do that would help? Nothing really. 

Post # 9
29 posts
  • Wedding: July 2015

View original reply
LAX03:  There’s a difference between asking for advise and opinions.

Post # 10
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

I find not sending thank you cards just SO rude!!! I dont care how busy you are, you make the time to send a thank you.

Even if you get a cheap vistaprint card with a generic message, OK, not ideal, but better than nothing.

We have been to 4 weddings over the last 20 months and only got 1 thank you note out of 4. Our gifts were generous and these people are actually really kind and decent, so not to receive a card actually stunned me.

But I didnt say anything…Im not really sure there is any point.

Post # 11
1253 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

Junkbee nailed it. Just let it go, despite her rudeness. I come from a family where thank you notes are very important. My mom will still mention that my cousin never sent her a thank you for that baby gift she sent. The “baby” is now eight. Try not to hold a grudge, hope that your gift got there, and move on.

Post # 12
2155 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2015

View original reply
LAX03:  Agree, let it go.

I was in my friends wedding almost 3 years ago, still no thank you. Not even for being a bridesmaid lol. And I know she didn’t send thank you cards to anyone… so it’s not just me. Some people are just like that.

Post # 13
4044 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

View original reply
LAX03:  We went to a wedding in May – ours was July. We didnt get the thank you for the wedding in May until… October/November? I sent mine out WAY before they sent theirs. I was kind of like, wtf…we traveled 5 hours, spent 2 nights in an expensive hotel, my DH was a groomsman AND we gave you a cash gift. It did annoy me that it took so long!<br /><br />

Unfortunately, your friend is being rude but I dont think you can say anything. 

Post # 14
270 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Cottage on the Creek

a lot of people are REALLY bad about sending thank you notes. they put it off, put it off, then never do it. I’ve heard people say that you have a year after the wedding to send it.

sucks, but you have to give the gift you want to give, not based on the level of praise you think you’ll get for it. 

Post # 15
2009 posts
Buzzing bee

Yeah, unfortunately you can’t say anything without coming off rude. It is incredibly rude not to send thank-yous especially since you gave a gift. But maybe you’ll get it late. Though I agree after 6 months a “Thank you” note is pretty much tainted.

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