(Closed) Missing thank you – when to say something?

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
3080 posts
Sugar bee

I got a thank you this past week – 11 months after I gave a generous wedding gift. And after my family spent $4000 to fly cross-country, to attend. The couple sent one thank you, to our entire family, even though our daughters are adults and have their own homes. We laughed at the “chain letter” approach to thank yous, as we passed it along.

On the other hand, I attended a baby shower on 2/22 and received the thank you note yesterday.

I taught my daughters proper thank-you note etiquette; other parents don’t seem to do it. I used to send gifts to my niece and nephew; the ones with the narcissistic and entitled parents. They’ve lived anywhere from 3 hours away, to across the country, so gifts were mailed. No one in their family ever had the courtesy to spend one minute writting an e-mail, to confirm the gifts arrived. I told my Mother-In-Law about it one year – she was furious and told her son (in his 40s then and with a PhD) about it. It was the first and only acknowledgement we ever got from them. We stopped sending gifts, after that.

Post # 17
Member
2056 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2017

If someone doesn’t send a thank you note, I take it that they diddn’t appreciate the gift, and will be sure to take that into consideration for the future.

Post # 18
Member
2452 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

I plan to have my thank you’s out early. The DAY AFTER our engagement party my Fiance and I hand wrote thank you’s to eveyone for attending (even if they didn’t give a gift). But some people think they have a full year to send out thank you’s after a wedding. So if it’s only been 6 months maybe they haven’t sent them yet?

My Future Brother-In-Law got married in June. My Fiance was in their wedding and spent a lot of money for it, including bachelor party stuff. We got a generic printed “Thank you for being a part of our special day” card. Which everyone else got as well. I thought it was pretty tacky to not even write anything about him being a groomsman. But some people just SUCK at thank you card etiquette. It blows my mind sometimes lol but there’s nothing you can do about it.

Post # 19
Member
8602 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

This drives me nuts. My best friend who’s wedding I was in also did not send me a thank you note for my generous gift or any thank you notes I came to find out later. They wanted to wait to make photo cards then stalled on getting pics and “were burned out and didn’t want to deal”. Ummm okay? So freaking rude it truly shocked me. This was a big 200 person black tie wedding… That’s a lot of effort for people and I know they got a ton of generous gifts… I cannot imagine. She was like well, you have a year (no you do not, and it’s already been 1.5 years). 

But the thing is, you can’t say anything. I didn’t to my friend either. I just preemptively forgave her with out her apology because she’s a lovely person… Who’s parents I guess failed her in the manners department. My “revenge” or way of rubbing it in is… Sending her very prompt polite thank you notes and showing her how it’s done! 

Post # 20
Member
444 posts
Helper bee

I was a Maid/Matron of Honor for my best friend July of 2013 and she has yet to send out any thank yous. I just let it go at this point because sadly she is the one who is gonna get the side eye from people, not me. I still love her dearly though! Lol 

Post # 21
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

A few years back I was invited to my cousins wedding but couldn’t make it. I bought them a crystal bowl from their registery and had it sent. It’s been 5 years and I’m still waiting for a thank you. I even mentioned it to my aunt (his mom) just to be sure they rcvd the gift since the store sent it for me and I didn’t have tracking; wanted to be sure they rcvd it. Some ppl just lack common manners. 

Post # 24
Member
301 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

That is very rude of her not to send a thank you.  Like others have said, some people think they have up to a year to send thank yous, so maybe yours is still coming.  In any case, don’t bring it up. 

I personally think they should be sent ASAP after the event.  I sent mine out less than a week after my bridal shower.

Post # 25
Member
226 posts
Helper bee

I have not received a thank you from a bridal shower I went to 1 year ago, and a wedding I went to 6 months ago. I think it is so rude not to send one, but even more rude to bring it up. 

Post # 26
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I’m sending mine out 6 months after the wedding, but it’s because it took a long time to get the cards..then we lost the RSVP spreadsheet with mailing addresses….now I’m worried guests are upset :/

Post # 27
Member
4113 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

View original reply
qwerty7:  Definitely upset but at least you’re sending them! To be honest, I’d rather it late than never!

Post # 28
Member
161 posts
Blushing bee

I recently went to a wedding, and not to get into too many details, after helping plan the Bachelorette party (she didn’t have bridesmaids) and being super supportive through planning, the bride made it clear I was a second choice guest at her wedding. I never received a thank you note, and asked in person a few weeks after my friends had all gotten their thank you notes if she had received my gift. She said she had.

I don’t consider her a friend anymore and she won’t be invited to any events I plan. It may seem petty, but I think she showed her true feelings about our friendship and that’s fine with me.

Post # 29
Member
1002 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
julybride93:  no i think she is upset that she hasn’t been thanked for a gift she gave. Basic etiquette is that you thank someone for a gift. She’s not asking for special treatment. Hopefully after you throw yourself your own “shower” you have the curtesy to thank people as well for the gifts they “shower” on you.

Post # 30
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2015

are you getting married soon? I agree it’s super tacky to mention not recieving a “thank you”, especially since if you get one afterwards you will always not its ingenuine. if you’re getting married soon, I would go the super passive aggressive route of sending the same friend a thank you note IMMEDIATELY following any support she gives you and your fiance- this would include thank you notes for: attending engagement party/ attending bridal shower/ attending wedding + any gifts you recieved at any events.  this might put it in her head, “oh shit, I never sent her a thank you note”. nobody can ever call it immature after all, because you are just sending your dear friend thank yous for all shes done to support yuour new marriage 😉

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