(Closed) Mistake at work + Crazy boss

posted 5 years ago in Career
Post # 3
46419 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@dannielle89:  Why is this an issue if you were only asked the other day to make the invitations? Surely rsvp’s aren’t coming in yet?

Have you told the other person that they were assigned to handle the rsvp’s? If not do it now.

If you told the other person, tell your boss that they are up to speed and there is no problem.

Post # 5
847 posts
Busy bee

My boss was the same way. I don’t have any advice to offer because I only held on for two years to the day before I chose unemployment over the heart attack I got every day at work.

Post # 7
5883 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

@dannielle89:  The way you deal with them is realize this isnt about you. You have to emotionally detach from the situation which is hard for most people, especially women, to do. Bullies like to terrorize people because it makes them feel powerful. When that person is your boss, the best thing you can do is externally cower to them, but internally stay strong. It’s very easy to start taking everything personally, especially since these kinds of people are really really good at figuring out people’s insecurities. Come up with some inner mantra that helps you deflect the arrows like, “This is more about her than it is about me”. Remember it’s not what she does or says, it’s about how you react to (and internalize) what she does. It doesnt feel like it, but she only has the power if you give it to her. 

 It reminds me of this story (taken from the book “Rock Paper Scissors” by SHeldon Kopp) that I often think of when I’ve been in similar situations:

  • A tale is told of an old man who lived a quiet life in a simple cottage, until one day his village was overrun by Nazi occupation forces. A storm trooper dragged the old man out into the street and told him, “From now on, you will let me live in your house, and every day you will serve my meals, make my bed, and shine my boots. Otherwise, I will kill you. Will you do as you’re told?” The old man did not answer.
  • The storm trooper took over the cottage and the helpless old man seved him his meals every day, make his bed, and shined his boots. For two years he obeyed every order with one execption–he would not say a word.
  • Then one day, the allied armies liberated the village. As they dragged the storm trooper from the cottage, the old man took a deep breath and finally answered the question: “NO!”

As for this situation, dont say anything. With people like this 1) You never know what set them off. Dont assume its the invitation and 2) they like the confrontation. Dont think that by being proactive and apologizing before hand it will take the sting off what she wants to say to you. In fact, I’ve seen it make the situation worse because the boss feel like you are trying to take away his/her power (they feel powerful from diminishing you). 


WHile this is going on…keep looking for another job! She will probably never step away unless she has another job/activity. People like this need to bully others to feel better about themselves. 

Post # 8
2076 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - British Columbia

First, your boss is not a great leader. A good leader knows how to internalize his/her crankiness and realize that mistakes do happen and make self-deprecating jokes — just stress that he/she would really like that this error would not happen again going forward. Done. Simple. No personal agendas nor none of this uncontrollable emotional managing people kind of deal.

Also realize that it isn’t entirely your fault as it is your BOSS’s job to delegate the RSVP to the other person; not you. It’s her job to follow up and trust that her employees can work well.

Post # 9
54 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Sounds a LOT like my old boss/work situation.  It’s hard, but don’t let it get to you and don’t let your boss make you feel like you are not enough or that you do everything wrong.  Sounds like she is bullying you.  Used to happen to me too and I kept feeling like everything was my fault and I was not good at my job til I realized that it was her.  In my case one day she screamed at me over something I had nothing to do with.  I made up my mind to find a new job, sent out applications, and (fortunately) found a new job and handed in my notice about 3 weeks later.

I recommend that you look for another job so that you can make the switch as soon as a new opportunity becomes available.  In the mean time just try to get along as well as you can and don’t let her know that you are looking for a new job.  Try not to get emotionally involved and remember that it’s not you, it’s her!

Post # 10
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - SLS Las Vegas

i was working for a restaurant owner 2 years ago and one night he came up to me and asked why a VIP table was presented a check. I told him i dodn’t receive a chit from the hostess stating any special instructions or not to present a check. He then called me a dumb cunt and slapped me across the face. I proceeded to walk right out the front door to valet and left!


Post # 11
1622 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@nikbee:  Are you kidding me???  I would have sued the shit out of that guy!

Post # 12
379 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2018 - SLS Las Vegas

@peasantsong:  He is a very well know club owner who often physically assaulted his employees as well as customers! He also has very serious charges against him for tax evasion. Magically he always seems to get away with the bs! The power of a good lawyer i guess!

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