(Closed) Mixed Emotions

posted 10 years ago in Emotional
Post # 4
Member
220 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

My now Fiance have been dating for over three years and I saw at least 3 of my close friends get married before we were even engaged and have seen another 2 get married during our engagement and have another half dozen who will get married before our wedding. It is ANNOYING, but you have to just remind yourself that when it happens, it will be the right time and don’t let anyone else’s life influence yours.

Post # 5
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

@Ms. Stallion: Im so sorry….this is going to be so hard but try and keep a smile on yourself for your friend. But maybe sitting down with your BF and seriously telling him how you feel….sometimes guys are so clueless to how much things like this affect us. anyway we are sendign you  lots of (((((HUGS)))))) and praying you get through this!!

Post # 6
Member
7 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2012

It took my fiance 7 years before he asked.  We have seen many of our friends get engaged and married before us who have been together for less time and even though I acted as if I never noticed, I was pretty resentful.  We bought a house together, got a dog, have joint accounts and were considered more “married” than our engaged/married friends.  I definitely couldn’t understand why he wouldn’t make the official commitment me to when we were already common law.  I knew it was coming, but year after year (after year after year, 4 years!) it just never seemed like it was going to come.

Finally, this year he asked.   After all the celebrations and hoop-lah, I asked him why he took so long and his response was, he wanted to make sure that he was ready and wasn’t going to let the external pressures from our friends and family push him into the decision. 

So, just hang in there.  Some boys may be completely clueless when it comes to things like this, but other times, they have justified reasons.  ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 7
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Don’t feel bad or guilty over your feelings.  This is a tough situation!  I was there myself for a while too!  Everyone around me was getting engaged and married, and it was all that I could think about or talk about to my fiance.  He would just get annoyed and say that he didn’t want to discuss it, and even though I was who he wanted to marry, he knew he wasn’t ready yet.  Which REALLLLY annoyed me even more!! LOL  He would get so awkward when the subject came up that I finally just DROPPED it for an entire year.  I REFUSED to discuss weddings or babies or anything, even if he instigated it.  I know.  Childish.  But he finally got a dose of his own medicine.  It wasn’t until a job took him out of the city for a while and we were apart for an extended amount of time that he realized, I want to lock this down!!  (In looking back, he said it was being apart that he needed in order to really feel “ready” to commit, in order to truly gain perspective on the right timing.)  He began shopping for rings while we were both working on opposite coasts, unbeknownst to me.  He even kept up the charade of “I’m not ready, blah blah” in order to TRULY shock me when he proposed.  Um…why are guys so dumb?!  LOL.  Yes, you would shock me by proposing out of the blue when you’ve told me you aren’t ready, and you would be shocking me in NOT a good way!  haha.  Somehow, I caught wind that the engagement was coming, and the STRANGEST thing happened…I realized when the engagement became a reality, that IIIIII wasn’t quite ready!!!  Can you believe that?  There were so many details we hadn’t worked out about our future, and felt I couldn’t fully say yes until we had discussed those items.  Luckily, he was very understanding of my request for more time, postponed the “surprise” engagement plans, and fully surprised me two months later on New Year’s Eve.  And it was perfect! ๐Ÿ™‚  So…the moral of the story is:

1. You never know what your guy might have up his sleeve haha

2.  Distance, or time apart can really make you realize what you have, and that you don’t want to lose it.

3. Really explore your own feelings and think to yourself, if he were to get down on one knee TODAY, would I have ANY questions, hesitations, or unfinished business that would need to be settled before committing.

4. Be as patient as you can, and maybe try to focus your energy on anything that is NON-wedding related?  It’s so HARD to be patient, but when it happens, the wait will have been worth it!  And of course, once you are engaged, there will be friends that might get engaged after you, and still beat you to the altar (like some of mine!) and that can be frustrating, but just focus on WHY you are getting married, and that should trump all! ๐Ÿ™‚

 

Best of luck!  You’re not alone in this!

Post # 9
Member
263 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@tuscanbride – that’s so funny! something similar happened with me – my now fiance was saving up to buy me a ring and just kept saying ‘it’ll happen one day’ and i was like, well when the hell is ‘one day’ going to be?!  i will get old and die before it happens, and in the interim one of my best friends got engaged, which was hard.  But it turned out he had been planning a romantic proposal and saving up for the ring but it took him sooooo long!  so all that time i was upset, jealous, etc and then when it did finally happen about two months later i thought ‘omg, i don’t think i’m ready for this!’  oops.  

anyway, to make a long story short, Ms Stallion – yes it will happen.  he is probably secretly planning and saving and wants to surprise you and truly doesn’t realize how upsetting it can be to wait and wait and not know what’s going on.  

my friend even said to me that she knew I was waiting and she didn’t want me to be upset about her engagement, she was so sweet about it, but i was so genuinely happy for her that i didn’t mind and although it was a little difficult for a while, i finally got my fiance to tell me that it would definitely happen before my birthday that year which made me feel loads better as well. hang in there and take some time to prepare yourself for the realities of being engaged and getting married while you’re waiting – i just finished ‘a modern girl’s guide to getting hitched’ – it had some good stuff in it about engagements and would be useful to buy before hand and read through i think, as well as funny things about wedding planning.  good luck!  (and don’t worry about hiding the book from him – if he sees it just say, oh it has some useful information on how difficult it is waiting to get engaged and hopefully he’ll take the hint!)

Post # 11
Member
2965 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

FI’s best friend got married last year to a woman he started dating at least a year after Fiance and I got together. It stung a little bit, but I was happy for them. Then Fiance proposed a couple of weeks after their wedding and I was on Cloud 9! Sometimes it takes friends getting married to get a guy’s butt in gear.

Post # 12
Member
793 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I’m sorry, and it’s OK to feel like this. Every relationship is different, though, and it doesn’t mean your BF loves you less.

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