(Closed) Mixed emotions on friends engagement…

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1013 posts
Bumble bee

Has he stated he believes in marriage or are you holding out for something he doesnt consider important? You might need to discuss why this is so important to you, and why it clearly isnt to him.

Post # 4
Member
1519 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Awwww I have so been there, not with Fiance but with my last relationship prior to Fiance. You put on a happy front for the other couples but deep down you are so sad and wondering what is taking so long? I think it’s time for you to sit down and have a serious discussion with your bf about this, before it ruins your relationship like it did mine. He needs to know how you feel. I eneded up breaking up with my ex because of his committment issues (and then as soon as I did that, wouldn’t you know, he proposed, but it was too late for me, plus we had a ton of other issues). My ex told me he never knew I felt this way, so please talk to you bf.

Post # 5
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ahh I know that feeling! It is totally natural and it will pass.

Maybe it is time to have another chat with him about your relationship?

Post # 8
Member
1092 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Have a marriage talk.

You need to know if he sees marriage in his future.  Key word, *his* future.  If he doesn’t, but it’s something you want, you need to know so you can move on.  If he does, you have to decide on your own if you’re willing to wait for him.

The only talk Fiance and I ever had about marriage was one day I asked him if he wanted to get married someday, not necesarily to me, but to someone, someday, is marriage something he wants for himself. He said yes. End of conversation.  That’s the kind of conversation it needs to be, because that’s the kind of conversation guys can handle.  You have a right to know if he believes in marriage, so you can make your decision, but you have to come at it in a straightforward and matter-of-fact way that doesn’t try to nag him into proposing.

Post # 9
Member
220 posts
Helper bee

I can relate 100%, especially the temptation to feel bad about your own relationship in comparison to those of others.  

But you are totally within your rights after 6 years to get some clear answers from him.  You need to let him know that this is important to you, and that you don’t appreciate having your feelings invalidated.

Post # 10
Member
3296 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013 - An amazing non-profit retreat

My #1 tip: Don’t get emotional. It freaks men out. My pre-engagement breakdowns were super alarming to my now Fiance and really didn’t speed things along.

Post # 11
Member
4477 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I’m really sorry, sweetie.  It sucks to see friends in the place you want to be so badly.

 

Have you found out his timeline, and shared yours?  6 years is long enough where you need to know if he’s on board or not.  If your timelines don’t sync up, or he can’t give you a straight answer after 6 years, it’s not fair to keep wringing you through the waiting torture.

Post # 12
Member
570 posts
Busy bee

@MissPatience: six years is way too long. 

guys can date forever. 

you need to tell him your expectations….otherwise it’s going to be another six years. if he gets mad at you or threatens to break up, then you know he’s not serious about your future. better to know where you stand then waiting another six years.

 

Post # 14
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissPatience: He likes to blame my emotions on my “time of the month.”

That sounds kind of mean 🙁 You don’t have to wait until another time when HE feels as though your cycle isn’t making you irrational. Never let a guy tell you you’re just PMSing. It’s not right to dismiss someone’s feelings depending on where they are in their cycle. 6 years is a very long time to wait only to be brushed off like some hysterical woman who can’t think straight.

Post # 15
Member
571 posts
Busy bee

It’s a natural feeling. My now fianace and I had been together for 5 years when he proposed. He recently proposed on our 5 year anniversary in December!

Everytime I heard of a friend or friend of a friend getting engaged, I would get sad and often discouraged wondering when it would finally be my time. Like you, we had talked about marriage and rings and our future, I was just unsure of when it was going to happen. For the last 6 months leading up to our engagement I must have mentioned it weekly.

And now that we are engaged, we couldn’t be more excited and I feel like it was well worth the wait.

If he is serious about you and the relationship, talk to him and if he isn’t understanding of your feelings it may be time to reconsider your relationship. My fiance would discuss it was me, smile and tell me it was coming soon and to not ruin the surprise.

But honestly at some point, enough is enough – 6 years is a long time. I’d discuss it with him and tell him your real feelings.

 

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