Post # 1
So, here is a little back story:
My Fiance and I take possession of our new condo, that we will be renting, on Wednesday. It was a totally rash decision to move out. We had previously planned to move out in June, once we had $10,000 in savings. We started looking preemptively and fell in love with this gorgeous place. So, now we’re moving out and taking on a huge financial burden. My job situation is a little bit precarious. I am on contract until August, and the best I can hope for is a permanent part-time position once that ends. We are still confident that we can handle the financial aspect of this with hard work and good planning, but I am so stressed and emotional about this whole move.
More than anything, I am extremely emotional about moving out of my parents home. I have lived at home for the past 24 years, even throughout university. My parents and I are really close. My parents are significantly older than most parents of people my age, and they depend on me a lot to be helpful with cooking, cleaning, rent, and helping to care for my older sister, who has a developmental disability. They have been pretty supportive in this move out process, and I know that they know it’s time, but I can’t help feeling emotional and a little bit guilty about all of this.
My Fiance and I are excited and nervous about the move, but my feelings about moving out are tainting the process for us a little bit. I’ve been edgy to say the least, and I know that our first few weeks with have me feeling pretty darn homesick. We aren’t moving very far away, but I think I’ll just miss the daily dinners and chats with my parents and sister.
I’m not really looking for advice on this, maybe just some words of support and encouragement from bees who have dealt with a similar situation before. Thanks ladies 🙂
Post # 3
@grapefruitgal: Even good transitions can be stressful, and you’re walking into the unknown here. I think you should be easier on yourself – of course you’re sad to leave the home you grew up in. It is time to go, and there is plenty to be happy about, but it’s okay to be a little sad.
Your parents will manage just fine, so don’t feel guilty. You’ve already done more than most to help out at home.
Post # 4
@grapefruitgal: When I married at 27 almost 7 months ago it was my first time leaving home that did not involve college. Our first night at our apartment after our honeymoon I cried because I missed home. I lived with my mom, two sisters, and two cats. I missed them terribly. However the newness of being “lady of the house” in my own apartment soon overtook the sorrow. You have a new beautiful place where you can decorate and call the shots! Tap into that excitment! I understand what you are going through. It gets better!
Post # 5
I can understand to some extent. My parents are disabled (dad had three heart attacks and is on oxygen all the time – one of many problems he has, and my mom has multiple sclerosis and can barely walk) and are about 15-20 years older than most of my friends’ parents, too.
Our house went into foreclosure two-years-ago and it made me move in with my Fiance (then boyfriend). When his house became condemned, we had to move into my parents’ newly rented one-bedroom condo for three months until we found our own place.
I had so many emotional ups and downs and when we finally moved into our own place, I was so sad, wrecked with guilt, and depressed. I felt sad to be moving out after living with them for 24 years and guilty for what I thought was abandoning them.
Luckily, we moved less than 10 minutes away from them (yet, ironically, classified as another city) and we talk on the phone every night and try to have dinner with them once a week.
It’ll be hard, there’s no denying that. It’s just a matter of finding a new routine.
Post # 6
It will be hard at first, as you are so used to being part of the daily routine. Just hang in there, keep in touch, remember you are still welcome there and your leaving is not rejection of them but a natural moving on. You can still chat and visit frequently. Maybe get a routine of eating dinner/brunch the same night every week so you can look forward to the visit and stay in touch, but still have time for you and FH.
Post # 7
I haven’t lived with my parents in 18 years (wow, I’m so much older than most of you!) but I have a similar story. When Fi and I were dating I owned a house that I was very attached to. I couldn’t fathom moving out ever. I loved it so much, the yard, it was on a river, my lovely gardens. I lived there while going through divorce, supporting myself, puttin gmyself through school. It was like my healing house. Then we talked of getting engaged, and it made the most sense to move inot his house (it was newer, nicer, and 3 times bigger!). For over a year (before we were engaged) I worried, cried a little, saddened at the thought of having to “give up” my house.
Surprisingly, it was not as bad as I thought! I think as soon as I got engaged I was really to unload that house as fast as possible! It was so weird, I was sad about that for a year and then I was ready to sell just like that! I enjoyed living alone – I really did. I wanted to savor it because I wouldn’t be living alone possibly ever or for a very long time.
Fi has been the asbolute best person to live with, I could not have asked for a better partner!
I forgot to also consider how much BETTER life was going to be when living with my fiance. I can’t wait until he’s my husband.
Post # 8
Thanks Ladies, these have been helpful workds of encouragement.
@ProfessorGirl: It is definitely the unknown! I know they’ll be fine (they’ve done it with my 2 older siblings) I guess I’m just struggling with MY emotions. Thanks for the words of support 🙂
@LuvMySailor: I am actually really looking forward to being “Lady of the House”. I think it will definitely make my adjustment period much easier. I know Fiance is looking forward to having his lady to come home to 🙂
@BetterSherm: Having family members who depend on you a little more than other definitely makes the transition more complicated than it already is. I’m glad things worked out for you and your Fiance. We will be about 25 minutes away (in good traffic) so I can go visit when I’m getting homesick!
@kerensa: Thanks for the advice! I think making a solid effort to arrange visits will make a huge difference, especially in the beginning.
All in all, a very emotionally charged time, but feeling much better now about it.
Post # 9
@sienna76: I’m glad you’re enjoying living with your Fiance. I think the most imprortant thing I keep coming back to is how happy Fiance and I will be coming home to one another, finally, instead of having to schedule each other in every few days. I think more than anything, that will be what takes over the emotions and makes this an amazing step in our life together!
Post # 10
I know exactly how you feel. Im moveing out of my parents house for the first time to live with Fiance May 1st. As excited as I am to start our life together, I’m nervous and antzy about it. So I guess its not that uncommon.
Post # 11
@HilaryT: Good luck with your move! We were aiming for May 1st, but bumping up the closing date clinched the unit for us. I had a cuddle cry with my sister last night, and Fiance and got the keys today, which was toally exhilirating, so the emotions are balancing out, I guess!
Post # 12
I’m not moving out yet, but I’m already feeling a lot like you are, just knowing that it’s inevitable, and that it’s coming up SOON (FH & I are planning on buying & moving in to a condo in August).
I think it’s perfectly normal to feel like you do. Maybe regular weekend dinners will help make things better? Try inviting your parents over to your place & hosting them, too! : )
Post # 13
@grapefruitgal: I wouldn’t call rent a huge financial burden–my rent is sky high but I wouldn’t have it any other way–I suppose I can’t relate because I moved out of my parents house at 15-but even still, once you experience the privacy of living on your own you’ll wonder how you could live any other way. Even if your family is a bunch of angels, you don’t have the freedom to decorate and you never really have solitude.