(Closed) Mixed ethnicity couples (non white) – firstname/lastname combo help!

posted 10 months ago in Names
Post # 16
3451 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Shinytoy :  Putting aside how gross I think it is that you’re internalizing white supremacy in this way and giving it this much credence in your life (plus discussing it in a public forum like wanting to avoid being perceived as a minority is a perfectly natural concern to which everyone can relate), I don’t think I understand why this is suddenly an issue. You’ve had an Indian name all along, correct? And your first name won’t change, will it? So you should pretty well be able to predict the impact of any other non-Anglo name. After marriage, are you moving to a new country where you’re unfamiliar with the racial landscape, or something?

On the impact of anti-Blackness on employment, African Americans have exactly the same surnames as white Americans (let me know if you need help understanding why, lol). So the news reports you saw about  resumes with Black-sounding names being discarded is because of culturally specific first names, not last names. And I can tell you, as a Black immigrant woman who has very European first, middle, maiden and married names, that there is absolutely nothing in a name. I’ve had potential employers (and even grad programs) excited by my resume, experience and transcripts, tripping over themselves to invite me to an interview but as soon as my Black SELF showed up, all the energy suddenly left the room. So yeah, technically my name may have helped me get my foot in the door.  But it’s not like a racist hiring manager would actually hire me (or treat me well if they did).  I have shown up to meetings and had people visibly not believe me when I introduce myself. I even had one guy say right to my face with a slight twinge of disappointment, “oh. I just…I thought you’d be white.” I’ve responded to having my name called in a crowded waiting room only to have the receptionist tell me, “no, sweetie. I called Elizabeth Anne Baines-Locke, not you.” That is to say, regardless of my Anglo name, I have never had the option to avoid being discriminated against because, y’know, people can still SEE me. Smh.  You shared the origin of your name and your general complexion, but not your own race. But if you are white, your privilege won’t leave you just because you changed your name. And if you are not white, avoiding ethnic names will not prevent racists from doing what racists do.

Oh. And Toussaint is the strongest, Blackest surname I can think of, lol. 

Post # 17
164 posts
Blushing bee

Shinytoy :  Wait, im confused. WHy do you want to go with a last name that people would discriminate you more for, if you are specifically trying to avoid discrimination?


I think your proposed last name isn’t a good one. Stick with your maiden or your husbands, and you will have less “explaining to do” with everyone you meet on your last name.

Post # 18
1430 posts
Bumble bee

Well I guess I am a Caucasian (Mixed European, primarily), but my surname is traditional paternal/ Hungarian.

My fiance is French (language, but bilingual), but his genetics are Mi’kmaq Native. So yes, we are quite mixed.

I joke we are mixed race, because I am an olive-skinned blonde (my skin looks
Asian but I have blonde hair and green eyes), and he is a full red-skin Native Indian with black hair. We definitely look very different!

I am going to take his surname which is very very traditional Acadian French. Both of my middle names are already French, so it will make me really seem a true French girl, lol.

Also, in French culture a woman rarely takes her husband’s surname. But as an English girl, I really want to do this, also his father has no daughters so I feel it would honor him, too.

Im my first marriage, I kept my maiden name as a middle name and just added my husband’s very traditional/English, plain surname. This time I am going to lose my maiden because then my entire name sounds French, and its not so bloody long, like 27 letters. hahah


I have no issue with what people think or do not think about my names, I have a very very unusual first name, I enjoy it and have no problems even though I always have to spell it and define it as a noun especially to non-English speakers. LOL. I usually spell both my first and last names. It has never affected me professionally at all. I work in a very serious capacity in my primary roles, with the Gov’t. Finance and Legal.


I LOVE diversity, inclusion, and the mixing of genes, names, cultures, I totally love it.

Only an issue if you create a mental issue for yourself. There are legal and professional protections against discrimination if you really feel that threatened, avail yourself of those resources.

Post # 19
45758 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: February 2021 - City, State


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