Post # 1
I’m getting married in a month. My fiance and I have been dating for 6 years and we’ve been engaged for a year. Lately, I’ve been feeling uncertain and I’m having second thoughts about getting married. I don’t know if it’s pre-wedding jitters or not. I think that I feel this way mostly because of my family. I recently went to a reunion and just about everyone in my family was shocked and disapproved of my choice to get married this young (I’m 18 and he’s 19). It was crushing to see that everyone felt that way. I thought they would be happy for me… Ever since then, I’ve been thinking about calling off the wedding. I just don’t know what to do. Help?
Post # 3
most people are going to think 18-19 years olds aren’t mature enough to get married. if you have been together for 6 years (and they know it) then you are basiclly married already. i’d say its just jitters. its normal to be nervous so close to your wedding. dont do anything you will regret in the future. why not talk to your Fiance about how you are feeling. you can also talk to your family about it too.
Post # 4
No matter what you choose, people are going to have something to say about it. If you’re having second thoughts because you do not think he’s the man you want to marry, then that is something to consider. However, if you’re just having second thoughts because it’s tough to have some family members disapprove, then you really need to ask yourself what is most important to you: your family’s approval or what you want.
Part of life is learning that you can’t please everyone and that sometimes you have to make decisions that upset other people. None of us can tell you what to do or think. There’s no “magic answer” to give you a 100% gaurantee of your marriage or choices (oh how I wish there was!)
Post # 5
Don’t call off the wedding because your family thinks you are not ready. You need to ask yourself, though, if them alerting you to their feelings brings out feelings you harbored already. Do you feel ready? Marriage is a serious commitment and your life is about to change. If you are not ready for this big move, you should not go through with it.
I know six years is a long time to be together but you guys were awfully young when you started out. If I were a family member, i would probably have a hard time accepting it as well.
But in the end, it is your life.
Post # 6
A good friend of mine got married right after she turned 21, which would be considered young to a lot of people… Its been 8 years since they were married, over 10 since they’ve been together, and they are as happy and in love as ever and have 3 adorable children. Love isn’t cookie cutter. You shouldn’t have to wait just because others have doubts. If you know if your heart he’s the one then go for it! If not, then wait.
Post # 7
I think many people would say that 18 is too young to get married so I can understand their reaction, but this has to be your decision. Looking back at my own life I can’t imagine settling down and being married before even going through college. There is so much more to experience! As another bee said, are you sure their opinions aren’t just bringing out feelings you already had, but didn’t really want to think about? Marriage is a huge deal and if you are not ready, then I would not go through with it. JMO.
Post # 8
He is the man I want to marry. I wouldn’t be engaged to him if he wasn’t. It’s just really hard for me to go ahead with the wedding without my family’s support. I just can’t imagine having a wedding without them being there.
Post # 9
@HoneyBee25: I think that we all like it when the people we care about approve of the big things we do, but in the end the only two people that really matter are you and your fiance.
I have to admit I would NOT want to be with the person I was dating at 19, and I have changed and grown up a lot since then. It’s possible that your family is thinking along these lines. With that said though, if you know he’s the one for you then I don’t see why you shouldn’t get married. You didn’t give many details.. but it’s possible they’re also worried how you will support each other. When I was 19 I was in university. I didn’t get a full-time ‘real’ job where I could actually support myself until I was 23. I would never sacrifice going to school for any man.
So it really depends on what your situation is like. Can you afford to have a wedding? I guess it’s a bit difficult now that you are planning a wedding… I just would have opted to not get engaged until I was older, but I guess that doesn’t help you right now. I really don’t know you so I can’t say whether it’s just cold feet or whether you’re truly scared of what the future holds and you think your family is right.
Post # 10
Follow your heart and forget the naysayer’s.
Post # 11
It’s hard to get excited about decisions when your family isn’t supportive. I know my family’s approval used to determine a lot of my decisions. But in the end, they respect you a lot more for making the right decision for your own life, even if they can’t see it right away.
Post # 12
People are always going to have something to say about getting married at your age. If you’ve been together for 6 years and you want to get married go for it. Dont let other people’s ignorance about your relationship stop you from doing something you want to do. However, if theres more to it than that, dont be afraid to take a step back and look at things, because you are so young you have age/time on your side. It doesnt sound like you hastily rushed into anything so if you want to do it and you have your immediate family’s support do it, how often will you see those people fom the family reunion anyways, dont let them decide your life for you!
Post # 13
@canarydiamond: I’m not sacrifing going to school. I’ve been in college since I was 16. I’m studying to be a RN. He’s in a trade school, studying engineering. He has a full-time job and outside of that, he recieves a $2000 check every month. I also have a part-time job.
Post # 14
If you are only doubting due to voiced concerns from your family, then ignore them. If you are doubting because you yourself are starting to question if you’re too young, if you’re missing out on life experiences or if he’s the right person for you, then postpone. 6 yrs together, if he loves you he will understand that you want to wait.
Post # 15
Thanks for all of the advice, guys. I think I’m going to wait awhile before I get married. I think he’ll understand my decision.
Post # 16
@HoneyBee25: I won’t judge you by saying you’re too young. I know when I was 18, I was too young to get married. A lot of people will use their own experiences as a comparison. Also, society tends to look at young couples as unprepared.
That said, no one can say whether you’re ready but the two of you. If you’re having some doubts, give it some time. You’ve been together this long, and if he’s the one, you’ll still be together. I understand your desire to have the family’s support on this, but you’re old enough to make your own decisions. You should do what makes you happy.