Post # 1
Little bit of a background my cycles are long irregular and often annovulatory. I went to see my Dr. and she determined I have PCOS and was very proactive in going forward with testing options.
I had day 3 bloodwork two days ago, have my HSG scheduled for wed and day 21 bloodwork scheduled for the 9th. On the 9th I also have an appointment to get put on clomid. I am so thrilled to be moving forward and to finally have a shot at TTC. At the same time it makes me so sad to think that we more than likely will not just be able to “relax and enjoy” our TTC process. It is so frustrating to know that I am the sole reason it hasn’t happened yet. My DH had a SA and got A+++ results so I know he is not the problem.
I also feel incredibly alone in this whole process. My DH doesn’t understand why we cant just BD when I am ovulating and has said I am freaking out over nothing. He thinks I haven’t given it enough time. When I try to explain that there is a legitmate medical problem that is causing me to not ovulate he won’t hear it. He won’t even be coming with me to my HSG. Now I would prefer to go alone anyways (I am very independent) but I am actually scared for this appointment. He also thinks taking clomid is stupid. He is of the impression it gives you like 100% chance of multiples when it is actually only around 10%. I have a feeling he is just nervous but it just stinks that I can’t fully say how I feel.
I just don’t know how to not feel so stressed. Stress is a huge no no and I have stress at home and a stressful job. I just keep thinking what if the clomid doesn’t work and we have to do more expensive procedures. Ugh sorry I just needed to vent.
Post # 3
I feel like it would be important for him to go with you to your appointment. Maybe some of his concerns or misconceptions could be answered as well?
Why can’t he attend? Is it just because he doesn’t want anything to do with clomid?
Post # 4
Sending a hug your way. That sounds tough. Maybe DH is scared and processing it differently. One thing that helps me is remembering that like everything in marriage, this is a team effort. Somethings I do better, something he does better, and it all works out. I hope you get your baby soon!
Post # 5
Partly because he works late the night before and doesn’t want to get up early and I think partly because he is nervous/frustrated etc.
Thanks. That is a good thought. He isn’t me therefore I can’t expect him to deal with it like I do.
Post # 6
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
That sounds like a whole lot of willful ignorance on your husband’s part. Has he actually taken any time to read about PCOS, the testing you are goping through, and clomid? He needs to become an active partner in this journey instead of acting like the gd peanut gallery with his ill informed opinions.
Post # 7
I’m sorry, @princessbelle: I can only imagine how stressful this all must be, and that your DH isn’t being helpful. I agree with @lovekiss:
. I think you need to have a “Come to Jesus” on this and figure out what the deal is. Is he afraid of having children, and maybe this is a convenient out?
If it were my husband, I can say that he would be sucking up the tired and coming to the appointment with me, particularly if he was so misinformed and refused to listen to me talk about my medical problems. That way the doctor can explain the problem, the procedures, and answer any questions he might have.
Post # 8
He hasn’t and I would like to chalk it up to him being nervous about things but that is still no excuse.
thanks. I definitely need to have a talk with him. If he didn’t detest mornings I would force him to go. He is just not a morning person. I’m pretty sure that the second coming of Christ couldn’t get him out of bed If he worked late.
maybe I can get some info together that is short and sweet so he doesn’t have pages and pages to read. Its just so frustrating when he won’t even listen to me saying no o equals no baby. He thinks my charting could be wrong and I just need to use opk’s. *smacks forehead*.
Post # 9
I’m sorry to hear about your frustration! I’ve been going through the same testing. I just had the HSG on Monday – I know different women have different reactions, but I found it to be very easy and not too painful. Just a pretty severe cramp for about 15 seconds or so.
Maybe I’m weird, but it never even occurred to me to ask my husband to go! It was in the middle of the workday, so he wouldn’t have been able to come anyway. I think it’s a symptom of having been single for 15 years – I am just so used to doing everything alone!
Have you used OPKs? I just started this week. This whole thing is so weird! My next step is making an appt with an RE – I have a feeling she’ll put me on Clomid too. My FSH and AMH are great, but my pregesterone is low. Apparently that’s treatable though, so I am hopeful.
Good luck to you!
Post # 10
I think that if after your appointments, he’s still not agreeing with the medical recommendations you received, you might want to ask your doc to a referral to a counselor with experience in supporting couples with fertility challenges. It’s one thing to question recommendations and seek out second opinions, but to refute everything in favor of no action and then leave you feeling heavy stuff emotionally isn’t fair.
That said, when facing challenges, some guys prefer trying to solve the problem all on their own for as long as they can tolerate (no manuals, instructions or youtube videos will do), some prefer to dive into research, some like “expert” opinions, and some just need time alone to think. I’m sure you have some idea about how he prefers to deal.
Post # 11
That is very reassuring. I have been using opks for several cycles now. I find they stress me out more because O’ing is never guaranteed so I go through a lot in one cycle. Thanks for the well wishes. I’m glad you had pretty positive results! I am seeing my ob/gyn right now, she is giving me 3 months of clomid before I have to go see a RE. FX it won’t take that long for either of us!
He is definitely not research oriented like I am that is for sure. I have read books, websites, watched videos etc. He definitely prefers to deal with things on his own. That is mostly the reason I haven’t flipped out on him yet. Hopefully I can get through to him that these tests and procedures lead to a positive outcome for both of us and I shouldn’t have to deal with it alone. Otherwise a counselor might have to be the next step.
Post # 12
Well we had some progress. He commented today about how in another week we need to start acting like bunnies (totally not the right timing but A for effort). He then asked about the blood work im having on wed….So I as calmly as I could explained it was a procedure not blood work and he offered to go. I turned him down after hearing from several bees and people that it was no big deal and I didn’t need a buddy. So I think after the test on wed I will sit down with him and re-explain everything that is going on and maybe he will realize that it is really happening and he can either go along for the ride with me or get off at the I know nothing about what is going on station alone.
Post # 13
- Wedding: September 2011 - Boy #1 12/2015, boy #2 02/2018
Hi lady, I am glad things are looking better for you and DH. Just from experience, I would totally take my DH word if he wanted to go with me. I would probably ask him to please go with me even if he didn’t say anything. You need all the support you can get. Best wishes. I hope your BFP is around the corner.
Post # 14
Glad things are a little better. Hoping you get a BFP soon!