(Closed) Mixed Feelings From Family About Engagement??

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1357 posts
Bumble bee

I can’t really help, but I just wanted to say I’m in the exact same position, except we’re not officially engaged yet. I know that the reactions will be like your experience – SO’s parents have already expressed their excitement about the upcoming engagement, whereas when I subtly brought it up to my parents, they were less than thrilled. Not against it, but not excited either. Weddings are just not a theme for them either; my mother got married the first time for a green card, and my parents married after I was born simply because it made it easier to immigrate to Canada.

 

I’ve been preparing to handle it for a while, because I know that even if I know what to expect, I will be disappointed that my parents don’t react the way my SO’s will. The first wedding I was a part of what so different – I had distant relatives of the bride calling me to gush about the wedding and make plans. I always hoped I’d get so much support. But in the end, my friend was unhappy with their level of involvement and their obsession about details caused a lot of tears – so the grass isn’t always greener.

 

Basically, I’m not expecting to receive any help, etc. and honestly, it doesn’t matter. It’s YOUR wedding, not theirs. You and your Fiance are the only ones who need to be excited about it! The fewer expectations you have, the happier you’ll be. 

Post # 4
Member
1724 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 1998

I had a similar experience – only it was my husband’s family with the muted reaction. My family was the “oh really! let me see the ring/let’s plan the wedding/etc” type. His family? “Oh, how nice.” My in-laws did take us out for dinner to celebrate the engagement, but other than that, almost never asked us about it. My mother-in-law would ask things every now and then – but in reality I think she was searching for something to be offended about. It was offensive that we weren’t having a wedding party. She kept asking me about music until I offered to let her pick the mother/son dance song.

 

But they -did- get a little more excited a week or two out. They still never had the kind of reaction I had hoped for. I didn’t want them to swarm me – but for the most part they acted like it was nothing. Meanwhile, they have fawned over my husband’s sister’s every move.

 

Maybe your family will be the same – as it gets closer, they’ll feel more excitement. Or maybe this is their personality and they won’t. But I can say that it almost never happens the same way that it does in the movies, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.

Post # 5
Member
317 posts
Helper bee

@DaniMoonBeam3:  I experienced this from my family and FH’s parents.  They just weren’t as excited as I had hoped. I wanted the big reactions and got barely anything. Instead I focused on the few positive reactions that we did receive and we had a celebration of our own. We went out for a celebratory engagement dinner and had some champagne at our house. We did this specifically to overcompensate for the bad reactions that we got. It helped. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and hope things get better soon…and congratulations on your engagement!!! This is exciting!

 

Post # 6
Member
4046 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

How long has it been since you announced your engagement?

 

Some people take a while to take in news, process it, and react. It may be that they just need a but more time before reacting with happiness and excitement.

 

It may be they are worried or concerned they will be asked to contribute financially, and are not prepared to do so.

 

It might be that they are just laying low, and don’t want to seem overbearing or controlling, or like “monster in laws”  This was my mom’s reaction when my brother’s got engaged, she did not want to out her opinion out there or tell anyone what to do. 

 

So, as far and handling it, no one will ever be as excited as you are, about your wedding. They don’t need to be involved, and as long as they are not actually plotting against you or something- just be happy they aren’t trying ti ruin things. For better or worse, not everything can be like the movies :-/

 

Post # 7
Member
2422 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

I know how you feel! Although we aren’t engaged yet and probably won’t be for at least a year, his family is already talking about ring shopping and “taking the next step” (we already live together). His parents got married very young, while mine were in their late 30’s. My parents want us to focus on going to grad school and experience the non-married life and probably wouldn’t want us to get married until our late 20’s (we are 23 and 25).

I feel like most fathers usually have a difficult time letting their little girl go. I feel like your parents will come around and start getting really excited for you once it sinks in and the wedding gets closer. I agree with above posters that maybe they are just concerned financially? Or maybe they are trying to come to terms with the different cultures coming together? It is not just the two of you getting married, it is two whole families joining together, which is a big step. Or maybe they are just a little surprised and didn’t see the engagement coming?… just some ideas. But anyway, congratulations on your engagement! 🙂

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