- 6 months ago
I’ve been dating my bf for 5 years. It will be 6 years next month. He refers to me as his wife, he calls my mom “mom”, he acts like he is already married to me. I remind him that i am not married to him and i call him my boyfriend, cause he is my boyfriend. He gets a bit mad when I corrected someome that accidently called him my husband. We do not cohabitate. I don’t believe in pretending. I am not being judgy of those that do, but for me, I want to save those things for my husband… whether that is him or not.
I never cared if my frends got married before me… even if they dated for a shorter time than my SO. But for some reason, my sister’s sutustion is hitting me hard.
Recently, my sister announced to the family that she will get married to her bf of three years at a courthouse. They are rushing because his visa is expiring.
I want to feel completely overjoyed for her… unfortunately, I feel sad. I know it’s not a good trait.
I am supportive (I will do the photography for her celebrations) but I just feel the engagement itch now and I feel resentful that my guy did not do it before they announced it.
I know I should just suck it up… but I can’t help but feel angry inside. I can’t tell him tho because he told me ultimatums are not good for marriages. If there is a rule of no ultimatums, then I feel the only other option is to walk.
I would be heart broken and i don’t want to make a mistake but i am feeling resentful and if he asked… it is forever tainted now. He had one job…. propose earlier. I know we have been emotionally ready since year 3 or 4… I am not a pushy person so I never wanted to pressure him. I have not pressured him at all.. i’ve been bottling it up in my head and I go on runs and sometimes just cry that he has not done it yet. I feel I deserve someone that would not make me wait this long.
We were happily in our own bubble world. I felt the engagement coming. It was just intercepted by my sister’s situation.
He says he is going no where. He is here for me forever. He says he wants to be very very very very very wealthy before getting married. He wants to live a certain lifestyle. He wants to pay for his parent’s retirement. He wants to have enough medical $ for both my parents and his. I love his goals and his big plans and i want to be a part of it… but my heart still feels sad… cause I would not have minded a long engagement. Now it is tainted with these jealous resentful feelings. I don’t like this side of myself. It’s ugly. I am not like this normally. I just can’t help how I feel. I typically don’t let emotions run me but this situation is hard…
I feel like running. I am the running type. I really feel like running. I just wish it happened earlier cause this is now making me over think and I just feel like running but I know if I run, it will be the biggest mistake of my life. What should i do about these feelings?